ugh
so tired. since josh got up with clara the night before last and he let me sleep in yesterday, today was my day to get up early.
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh. the pean (short for peanut) got up at 3:30. nursed, went back down for an hour, woke up soaking wet at 4:30 so changed her clothes and diap and then she proceeded to nurse and kick me and try to crawl away with my nipple in her mouth for an hour and a half, gave up at 6 and got up with her, folded laundry, did some dishes, looked at the market circulars, drank some coffee. at 7:15 passed her off to josh and took a shower which was apparently my big mistake of the day. before the shower i was doing great, after the shower all i can think of is crawling into a ball and contemplating if i can fit under the couch to hide for a nap. insert more coffee, clara is sleeping off a nap/walk right now and i'm hoping the intar-web will make me more alert. the verdict: not really helping. we'll see if icanhaz haz anything good today, or maybe the goggies will help me stay awake. sadly i have more laundry i could be folding and more dishes i could be moving around (clean to shelves, dirty to dishwasher) but i think the noise will make clara awake again and i just need to stare at the walls.
there are days where being the mom is just exhausting. everyone wants something from you and more often than not your boob is involved. the quiet moments where no one is asking anything of you are too few these days. far too few. i wish that i could enjoy those moments that i do have instead of heaping on so much guilt for not tackling things on my to do list.
sigh, part of the problem with being the mom is that it's just so easy to martyr yourself for your family. it's not always the folks asking things of you but you asking too much of yourself or not asking for help when you need it. i tend to just go and go and go and then go splat and freak out on josh. sigh. balance, your doin' it wrong!
anyway, i hear wriggles, which means i can go do dishes and get ready to go to work.
blorgh.
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh. the pean (short for peanut) got up at 3:30. nursed, went back down for an hour, woke up soaking wet at 4:30 so changed her clothes and diap and then she proceeded to nurse and kick me and try to crawl away with my nipple in her mouth for an hour and a half, gave up at 6 and got up with her, folded laundry, did some dishes, looked at the market circulars, drank some coffee. at 7:15 passed her off to josh and took a shower which was apparently my big mistake of the day. before the shower i was doing great, after the shower all i can think of is crawling into a ball and contemplating if i can fit under the couch to hide for a nap. insert more coffee, clara is sleeping off a nap/walk right now and i'm hoping the intar-web will make me more alert. the verdict: not really helping. we'll see if icanhaz haz anything good today, or maybe the goggies will help me stay awake. sadly i have more laundry i could be folding and more dishes i could be moving around (clean to shelves, dirty to dishwasher) but i think the noise will make clara awake again and i just need to stare at the walls.
there are days where being the mom is just exhausting. everyone wants something from you and more often than not your boob is involved. the quiet moments where no one is asking anything of you are too few these days. far too few. i wish that i could enjoy those moments that i do have instead of heaping on so much guilt for not tackling things on my to do list.
sigh, part of the problem with being the mom is that it's just so easy to martyr yourself for your family. it's not always the folks asking things of you but you asking too much of yourself or not asking for help when you need it. i tend to just go and go and go and then go splat and freak out on josh. sigh. balance, your doin' it wrong!
anyway, i hear wriggles, which means i can go do dishes and get ready to go to work.
blorgh.