I know what I said
But the person I wanted to talk to isn't online and I need to talk.
I'm at my sister's house for Spring Break. We went out to dinner. After dinner we went to the mall, and went to Spencer's. We were looking at t-shirts and she says, "That one's terrible. Ugh." And I'm like, "lol which one?" because it's Spencer's, right? There was a shirt about "Things to do when you're high" and probably another one with some pun about sex positions or something. So she says, "The one with the lips." So I find it and it says, "All the cool girls are lesbians." And I just stare at her and then say, "Okay, out of all of these? THAT one?" And then she says offhand, with a look like she smelled something nasty, "Uh, yeah. Lesbians are disgusting."
I felt something crumble up inside me. I think it was the little hope I had. It's the worst thing I ever felt, to finally know that, if I were to end up with a girl, my sister would look at me and feel disgusted. My sister, the person I trust the most in the entire world, whom I would take a bullet for - would feel disgusted by me because of who I loved.
I thought that if I ever finally came out, and my parents shunned me, my mom hated me- I thought "That's okay, I still have Kelly." But I don't. I don't have her.
I didn't talk to her the rest of the time in the mall. She got mad at me. "Are you seriously pissed off because I said that?" and "You need to get over it really fast."
I didn't start tearing up until we got in the car, and now I'm sobbing. I don't know what to do anymore.
I'm at my sister's house for Spring Break. We went out to dinner. After dinner we went to the mall, and went to Spencer's. We were looking at t-shirts and she says, "That one's terrible. Ugh." And I'm like, "lol which one?" because it's Spencer's, right? There was a shirt about "Things to do when you're high" and probably another one with some pun about sex positions or something. So she says, "The one with the lips." So I find it and it says, "All the cool girls are lesbians." And I just stare at her and then say, "Okay, out of all of these? THAT one?" And then she says offhand, with a look like she smelled something nasty, "Uh, yeah. Lesbians are disgusting."
I felt something crumble up inside me. I think it was the little hope I had. It's the worst thing I ever felt, to finally know that, if I were to end up with a girl, my sister would look at me and feel disgusted. My sister, the person I trust the most in the entire world, whom I would take a bullet for - would feel disgusted by me because of who I loved.
I thought that if I ever finally came out, and my parents shunned me, my mom hated me- I thought "That's okay, I still have Kelly." But I don't. I don't have her.
I didn't talk to her the rest of the time in the mall. She got mad at me. "Are you seriously pissed off because I said that?" and "You need to get over it really fast."
I didn't start tearing up until we got in the car, and now I'm sobbing. I don't know what to do anymore.