what should i be feeling?
what should i be feeling?
that question runs through my head every hour, every minute every second of what seems like my never ending 24 hour cycle day. i feel confused, but at the same time happy. i dont know whether to be pissed off or just let it go. it seems that letting go would be easier, but how do you let go of something that you obviously want so bad? when everyone around you tells you that you should, deep down you feel like letting go would be harder. but even deeper down you know that if you dont let go the long days and long nights are never gonna go away. so is it worth it? yes. it is. as hard as it is to admit it. you know from past experience that no matter what, it is easier to let go. you will still get hurt from what is said. what is done. and what you will never have again. the memories will run through your head faster than your emotions can keep up. you will be utterly exhausted by the end of the days it will take to forget everything, all the things that you once thought were the most precious moments of your life. you try hard not to look at things the same. like the hallway where you met its just a hallway full of kids where the best gossip is spread. the spot where the best question popped up is just a place to stand and wait for a friend to come out of class. the place you shared many of your greatest moments is just a room with 1 window and a bed. its not even about the places that you went together its about the words mumbled in those places, which are the hardest to forget about. you try and think about them as nice things said that werent really meant. they were words just said in the moment but you carried them with you until now and now they are deeper then ever in your mind, you played them back millions of times and now its almost impossible to erase. although you will never get rid of the memories you will train yourself to push them way back into head and keep them there. because its impossible to bring back the moments that will forever be there but possible to be kept far away and to think back on when you are over everything. and letting go should be the best new memory you have made for yourself.