Be happy
Sean broke up with me on January 25th. I was completely heartbroken and couldn't accept it. At first he said break and I said no cause I didn't think I could handle it. So I cried a lot and broke down. He asked me if we were still gonna be friends and hang out. I said no cause again I didn't think I could handle it. We were both really sad and we traded back our things. I told him that there would be many other women but none of them would ever love him the way I do and he agreed. He told me that he just needed a break and wanted to be alone for a while. He told me I wasn't happy. He didn't like that my happiness depended on him. And he was right. I came to the realization that I needed to change my attitude. I had been letting class and work get me down. Really down. And the only time I was happy was when I was with him. So, when he left, I had nothing. It made me realize that I have no friends left. I watched them all move away but Sean was my buffer. It felt pretty shitty being completely alone here. So I decided to work on myself. I knew that I needed to not let class and work get to me so much and just chill. And I did. I am proud of myself. And I knew that I should not have acted so dramatic when I couldn't hang out with Sean. Even with my new found resilience, I still could not be truly happy without my Seany. But I kept him updated on how much better I was getting. And let him know that I realized I should've appreciated him for the time we had and not freaked out that we couldn't spend more time together. I was planning on being depressed on Superbowl Sunday because I wasn't invited anywhere and it made it really obvious that I was alone. On Superbowl Sunday, Sean knew how I felt about it and ended up inviting me over to watch with him and a couple other people. I ended up working 11hrs that day and missing most of the first half, but I was happy when I got there. I was snuggled up on the couch with my Seany n a little later in the night I asked him if we were gonna be getting back together anytime soon cuz of course I didn't want anything more than that. And he had come to cuddle a couple days earlier when he couldn't sleep so I had a lot of hope. I expected him to tell me that he needed time but we had been hanging out and I could kinda feel that he wanted to be with me. Didn't really seem like he ever really didn't actually. But he said, "Well how about this, Pizzle will you date me?" And I said yes! *Huge Grin* and kisses. And I have been pretty happy since then. I feel good about the situation because it really did teach me something and our relationship is doing really good now. I like to think that if he would've just talked to me about it, I could've changed, but I don't know if that would've made as big of an impact as I needed. I know that he makes me a better person and he makes me happier than I am alone, but there has to be other stuff in my life that makes me happy too. I just have to appreciate shit and not let the bs get me down. I like to think that I let him free and he came back to me like the butterfly song, because I told him I would give him his break eventually even though I didn't like it, but at the same time it doesn't fit cause I never really let go. I would like to say that the people who love me were very helpful. I have never heard so many people tell me to come home so vigorously all at once. Even right after I moved. Everyone told me of course, but they weren't as adamant and concerned for my well being as they were that week. The majority told me to just move on and that Sean didn't deserve my love, but I was the problem and they can't imagine that. They love me too much and care too much about me to want me to be with somebody who will make me cry. But that quote about the one who is worth your tears wont make you cry is terrible, because if he is not worth crying for, than he is not worth spending your time on.