I'm back...
So it's been a little over 2 years since I've actually been on here. I can't believe that I haven't been on here for that long.
Looking back at my posts I feel like that is a completely different person that wrote all of those posts. I feel like over the past two years I've changed so much that I can't really even place my fingers on what has changed.
I guess I wanted to come back on here because I need a place where I can just write about what I'm feeling. If people read them, great, but if not at least I'm writing my feelings and thoughts down and not keeping them all in my head.
Looking back at my posts it seemed that I thought Ruben would be my boyfriend, and he was the one that I lost my virgin lips to, I lost a lot of things to him. It's weird to think that the person who wrote all of those things had no idea that a little over two years later she would be single, broken hearted, and her and Ruben had shared two and a half pretty amazing years.
Things ended.... Badly, but they got a little better, we can never be together again, but I thought we could at least be friends again. That will never happen, or not for a while at least, because he is still in love with me. Even though he is the one who ended things. I feel like it happened for the best, I wasn't a good person when I was with him. I learned a lot of things from him, patience, understanding, love, reason. But I also let my anger and rage come out I became a very bitter person and I didn't like the person that I became. I feel like I'm changing back to the person that I want to be and eventually I will totally be her. I don't think I would have been able to do that if he and I were still together.
But now I'm stuck looking back at almost three years and wondering what to do now.... He was my high school sweetheart, he was my first boyfriend, first love, first everything. I have so much history with him, know everything about him. Now, I have to start over, move forward and hope that I can find someone who completes me. I know it won't happen for some time, but it's hard having all of my friends around me finding their significant others, or getting engaged, married, having kids, it's amazing I'm almost 20 but I feel like I am too old to be single. Could just be the culture around me with girls being married off right after graduation, but starting over is going to be hard.
I'm so grateful that I have the amazing friends and support system that I do, because without them I would be lost and alone, but I feel that with them, I can do anything.
So dear LiveJournal... I'm back. <3
Looking back at my posts I feel like that is a completely different person that wrote all of those posts. I feel like over the past two years I've changed so much that I can't really even place my fingers on what has changed.
I guess I wanted to come back on here because I need a place where I can just write about what I'm feeling. If people read them, great, but if not at least I'm writing my feelings and thoughts down and not keeping them all in my head.
Looking back at my posts it seemed that I thought Ruben would be my boyfriend, and he was the one that I lost my virgin lips to, I lost a lot of things to him. It's weird to think that the person who wrote all of those things had no idea that a little over two years later she would be single, broken hearted, and her and Ruben had shared two and a half pretty amazing years.
Things ended.... Badly, but they got a little better, we can never be together again, but I thought we could at least be friends again. That will never happen, or not for a while at least, because he is still in love with me. Even though he is the one who ended things. I feel like it happened for the best, I wasn't a good person when I was with him. I learned a lot of things from him, patience, understanding, love, reason. But I also let my anger and rage come out I became a very bitter person and I didn't like the person that I became. I feel like I'm changing back to the person that I want to be and eventually I will totally be her. I don't think I would have been able to do that if he and I were still together.
But now I'm stuck looking back at almost three years and wondering what to do now.... He was my high school sweetheart, he was my first boyfriend, first love, first everything. I have so much history with him, know everything about him. Now, I have to start over, move forward and hope that I can find someone who completes me. I know it won't happen for some time, but it's hard having all of my friends around me finding their significant others, or getting engaged, married, having kids, it's amazing I'm almost 20 but I feel like I am too old to be single. Could just be the culture around me with girls being married off right after graduation, but starting over is going to be hard.
I'm so grateful that I have the amazing friends and support system that I do, because without them I would be lost and alone, but I feel that with them, I can do anything.
So dear LiveJournal... I'm back. <3