It's not real... never will be.

[kimmy_387]

So I get home, I talk to Nick, he says he's coming to pick me up... he does, we go to Wal-Mart, go back to his place hang out. And he decides to say "I'm moving after Spring Break" You know what... this is all too fimiliar... can you say HELLO JESSIE! Fucking A. I can't stand this bullshit. He doesn't know everything, I don't tell him a lot, but still.... he doesn't think it's going to hurt? So what am I supposed to say... I can't tell him not to... we aren't together... he obviously doesn't feel anything for me... Because if he did, he wouldn't say it the way he did. And then of course all these other girls want him, JUST because he's a singer of a band... THATS NOT THE REASON I LIKE THIS KID.... and I'm pretty sure that's what he thinks and it pisses me off. I could care less if he's a singer of a band... He's amazing, he's content with life, he has morals and values, and he smiles all the time and no matter what kind of mood I'm in I can't NOT smile when I'm around him. I haven't felt this way about someone since Jessie, and it seriously is just killing me. So I sit there watching him flirt with all these other girls... wanting soooo badly for him to want to be mine. Am I that bad of a person? Am I seriously not going to find anyone who likes me for who I am? So I make him take me home after the movie we watched because I was falling asleep... we joked around in the car because he said he was scared of driving home by himself, even though he lives not even a mile away, and I say goodnight. I get online to tell him Thanks, and to say a few other things, and I get one word answers.... so I say "are you even playing attention?" he says "yes" I say "why am I getting one word answers he says "idk" and so I say "whatever ttyl bye". He didnt even reply.... :( All these skanky ass girls are going over to the DOG house tomorrow... just to see him... I'm not sure if I even want to go. Maybe I should disappear for awhile and see if he even notices. This so badly makes me want to move to Missouri with my uncle... I have a lot of thinking to do right now, because in May I'm pretty sure that's where I will be no matter how scared I am of moving away from my friends, I think it's time. I have no reason to smile here anymore, no reason to wake up, because what I thought I could wake up for, it's only an impossible dream that I keep forcing myself to believe is reality.

I'll never be happy... That's the only reality I really need to start believing.