Moaning the Ingrown
I usually go for pedicures once a month, last week was my session for the month of March. As I sat there, having my foot filed, I alternated between some fashion magazine and harvesting my zombies on my iPhone, you know, totally relaxed. As usual, the lady engages in conversation with me, and at one point started talking about ingrown toenails. She said some people come in with such bad ones but they need to be removed to prevent further infection - even if it's bleeding.
I hereby swear never to wear ill-fitted shoes or do whatever else that causes ingrown toenails; I don't know what else causes ingrown nails and I refuse to find out. Google is so thorough, not only will a search yield literature about ingrown toenails, it will also present vivid images which is the last thing I need. I'm still scrubbing ingrown toenail images off the walls of my mind from 12 years of ballet. Point being, I don't want to ever have to go for a pedicure session only to have my ingrown nail yanked out and me die there as a result of losing too much blood from a toe. It's a very un-epic way to die. This will be inscribed on my tombstone:
Here lies Hana who died bleeding
While her pedicurist was weeding
An unfortunate piece of keratin
Oh it hurt for certain
May the Lord grant her slippers
And an eternal supply of nail clippers.
I think these will prevent ingrown toenails for good.
I hereby swear never to wear ill-fitted shoes or do whatever else that causes ingrown toenails; I don't know what else causes ingrown nails and I refuse to find out. Google is so thorough, not only will a search yield literature about ingrown toenails, it will also present vivid images which is the last thing I need. I'm still scrubbing ingrown toenail images off the walls of my mind from 12 years of ballet. Point being, I don't want to ever have to go for a pedicure session only to have my ingrown nail yanked out and me die there as a result of losing too much blood from a toe. It's a very un-epic way to die. This will be inscribed on my tombstone:
Here lies Hana who died bleeding
While her pedicurist was weeding
An unfortunate piece of keratin
Oh it hurt for certain
May the Lord grant her slippers
And an eternal supply of nail clippers.
I think these will prevent ingrown toenails for good.
