confusion reigns......
confusion reigns in this head of mine.....
so after all the trouble and arguments with Jared in the past few weeks, this past weekend, he really tried to redeem himself. We went to a Halloween party that was at a friend of his best friend's house. now, those of you who are close know my issues with most of Jared's friends, but I'll fill the rest of you in.
It all started with Phil and Danielle. Foolishly I believed, way back in the early stages of our relationship, that it would be easy to befriend them. After all, it's never been hard for me to make friends, and they seemed like nice people. After a while, the claws came out and I realized that they would never accept me as part of their group, which actually, was completely fine by me. I have enough friends, and the ones I have are the best in the world. It took Danielle, in a drunken stupor, throwing a beer bottle at me, (and missing me completely, by the way, even though I was only 10 feet away from her) and a HUGE scrum in Jared's room to FINALLY get it through his thick skull that they DID NOT like me, they never would and no matter what I did, this would not change. He in turn, told Phil that he had to get out of the house for good. Now they're in California, so good riddence.
Now Mike and Noelle, whom I like very much, are totally different than Phil and Danielle. They both work, which is more than I can say for the philandering hippies, and they're older and more mature. But since I'm a firm believer in once bitten, twice shy, I became very wary of hanging out with any of Jared's friends. I mean, come on, why should I open myself up like that again? Recently he told me that all of his friends think I'm a stuck up snob. Great. Wonderful.
So I drive a nice car. So I wear nice clothes. Excuse the hell out of me. I work my ass off for my money, and after the horrific work experiences that I've had, I think I rather deserve it. I work in the city, which means I have to dress a certain way, and ever since my dad had his stroke, I've grown up an awful lot. I don't see the point of getting shitty three nights a week, and when I do, I prefer to do it with my REAL friends...after all, I'm not a fouckin idiot. ;)
But now, after a great weekend, I'm confused. I felt myself drifting so far from Jared that it didn't even bother me anymore. We had such a great time at the party, I finally relaxed and had a good time. I don't know what's going on. Confusion seems to be the norm lately and it's not just me.
He and I put up with a lot of shit so we could be together. We've made it this far, and who knows how much further we can take it? Sometimes I'm so angry at him that I never want to see him again, but when I think about life without him, it's a physical pain. As hard as it is to admit, he's a part of me, and I'm a part of him. I don't think anything could ever change that.
So what's the problem?
Maybe I need a change anyways....
so after all the trouble and arguments with Jared in the past few weeks, this past weekend, he really tried to redeem himself. We went to a Halloween party that was at a friend of his best friend's house. now, those of you who are close know my issues with most of Jared's friends, but I'll fill the rest of you in.
It all started with Phil and Danielle. Foolishly I believed, way back in the early stages of our relationship, that it would be easy to befriend them. After all, it's never been hard for me to make friends, and they seemed like nice people. After a while, the claws came out and I realized that they would never accept me as part of their group, which actually, was completely fine by me. I have enough friends, and the ones I have are the best in the world. It took Danielle, in a drunken stupor, throwing a beer bottle at me, (and missing me completely, by the way, even though I was only 10 feet away from her) and a HUGE scrum in Jared's room to FINALLY get it through his thick skull that they DID NOT like me, they never would and no matter what I did, this would not change. He in turn, told Phil that he had to get out of the house for good. Now they're in California, so good riddence.
Now Mike and Noelle, whom I like very much, are totally different than Phil and Danielle. They both work, which is more than I can say for the philandering hippies, and they're older and more mature. But since I'm a firm believer in once bitten, twice shy, I became very wary of hanging out with any of Jared's friends. I mean, come on, why should I open myself up like that again? Recently he told me that all of his friends think I'm a stuck up snob. Great. Wonderful.
So I drive a nice car. So I wear nice clothes. Excuse the hell out of me. I work my ass off for my money, and after the horrific work experiences that I've had, I think I rather deserve it. I work in the city, which means I have to dress a certain way, and ever since my dad had his stroke, I've grown up an awful lot. I don't see the point of getting shitty three nights a week, and when I do, I prefer to do it with my REAL friends...after all, I'm not a fouckin idiot. ;)
But now, after a great weekend, I'm confused. I felt myself drifting so far from Jared that it didn't even bother me anymore. We had such a great time at the party, I finally relaxed and had a good time. I don't know what's going on. Confusion seems to be the norm lately and it's not just me.
He and I put up with a lot of shit so we could be together. We've made it this far, and who knows how much further we can take it? Sometimes I'm so angry at him that I never want to see him again, but when I think about life without him, it's a physical pain. As hard as it is to admit, he's a part of me, and I'm a part of him. I don't think anything could ever change that.
So what's the problem?
Maybe I need a change anyways....