Dean and Cas - A love story [NC17 - chapter 8a/?]
Title: A love story [chapter 8/?]
Authors: kimisgirl and doubledgedsword
Pairing: Castiel/Dean
Rating/Warnings: NC-17
Summary: Dean knows it's a dream, he knows its not real.... so why does it feel like it means more, and more importantly, why does he wish it was more? And, why, for that matter, does Castiel show up the next moring with a hikey on his neck and angry as hell? If it's not real why does the angel know everything that happened... like he was there?
Disclaimer: None of the supernatural characters or storylines belong to us :( -sad face-
Sam sat across from his brother watching him carefully as Dean sat slumped in his booth pushing his bacon around his plate absently. Dean was looking exhausted and moody and was becoming more and more lost inside his own head lately. And it was getting worse. Sam had finally had enough. He had no idea exactly what was wrong with Dean, but he wasn't an idiot and after three weeks of waking up to a gasping moaning Dean, only to have him purr out the name of their friendly resident angel. Then to have anger and denial thrown back in his face when ever he tried to approach the subject with his brother. Sam had had enough and he was going to make Dean spit it out, because if it kept going this way one of two things were going to happen.
Either Dean would die of exhaustion or Sam would kill him for being such a monumental jackass. Sam wasn't really keen on either of these ideas, so he gave Dean a prod with his finger to get his attention just above his wrist on his right arm. "Dude, you gonna eat that or just play with it? Cause I've never seen you say no to bacon... or any food for that matter..." Sam smirked at him, he figured if he could at least get Dean smiling, talking, he might just be able to get him to finally drop his guard and fess up what the hell was going on.
Sam had had some time to ponder what Dean's nightly moaning meant, or might mean rather. And he wasn't sure how he felt about any of the possible options. They were as follows, as far as Sam could devise. One, some supernatural being was messing with Dean and making him dream shit about the angel to fuck with him. Something he ruled out about two weeks back, because he knew that if it was that Dean would have asked for help no matter how embarrassing the dreams were. The second option was Dean was fantasying about .... Cas. This one had Sam stopping in his tracks, Dean wasn't gay for a start, so why in hell would he want to bone Cas' brains out? The third option, and it was the only one he could really lean toward, even though he still couldn't believe it was even remotely possible, was that Dean had some how, some way, and only god knew how, fallen in love with an angel of the lord... with Castiel. It was the only reason in Sam's head that could explain things.
The dreams Dean was having were most definitely about the angel, Sam had woken enough times now to hearing the name leaving his brothers lips to have no doubt on that. And they were also most certainly sexual in nature. And there that right there, that was why Sam had decided that his brother might be in love with the angel. Why else would Dean want to dream like that about a man? He wasn't going to do it just because he was lusting after Cas. And it wasn't something supernatural or he'd have just told Sam...
And how did Sam feel about all this? Honestly he didn't have a fuckin' clue right now. All he knew was he needed Dean to come clean to him so they could work out what the fuck to do about it. And how to get Dean some decent bloody sleep, so he didn't keep biting Sam's head off every time he opened his mouth.
"You need to start talking to me Dean, you know that right?" He said softly his eyes studying his brother. "You can trust me man... I know we've had... issues lately but I thought we'd put that behind us. Please Dean, what's going on with you dude?
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Dean felt like crap. Worse than that, he looked like crap. He would have put it down to his hours of sleep being spent in the arms of an angel who could do wonderful, wonderful, filthy things to him; but this crappy feeling felt so far removed from his dreams that he doubted it. This felt like he had been hit by a series of progressively larger vehicles until this last night had left him feeling like he had tangled with an 18-wheeler, and come out the loser. He glared at Sam, dark circles ringing his eyes, and speared a piece of bacon with more venom than he had meant to and popped it into his mouth, chewing it slowly and deliberately.
"Shut your cakehole, Sammy," Dean suggested. "I'm just not all that hungry." The lie was small. He was hungry, but he was hungrier for something else. Castiel. He shoved his plate away from him listlessly and sank back in the plush booth. His skin was pale and almost ashy looking. He had lost weight, he knew it. If he hadn't been having carnal pleasures every night in his dreams, he would have guessed he was sick, and he would have looked for a doctor weeks ago. As it was, he barely had the energy to banter with Sammy as he usually would.
He looked out the window and folded his arms, looking as moody now as he felt. He could feel Sammy's eyes on him. Fuck.
He waited.
He knew it was coming.
It wouldn't be Sammy if he didn't try to have some big Doctor Phil sort of revelation moment with him, trying to get him to speak about his feelings, and Dean recognised the signs. Sam was watching him for one. Hoboy, now he was leaning forward... and there we have it, the deep intake of breath and sideways glance before taking the plunge! Dean cringed inwardly, waiting for the inevitable sincere and well meaning questions, and was not disappointed when they came. They were everything he had expected, and had he felt more energetic he would have kicked Sam hard in the shins.
He looked at Sam, ready to eviscerate him verbally, but aaaaahhh nooooooo! Not the hurt puppy eyes!
He grimaced, and finally said, his voice weak, "What do you want me to say, Sammy? You want me to spill my guts and break down cryin' just so you'll feel better? We've got nothing to talk about beyond bacon and coffee right now." He pulled the coffee pot closer to him and poured himself a cup. Dark, strong, and once he added about three spoons of sugar, it would be sweet. Exactly the way Dean loved his morning coffee. He took a large mouthful of it and sighed. "There's nothin' going on, Sammy. Give it a rest, ok?"
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Sam sat and watched Dean as he lied through his teeth to him and sighed heavily. Sam wasn't an idiot and he knew Dean well enough to know that, a. he was hungry, he was always hungry. He just hadn't had enough energy to eat lately. At least thats what Sam put it down too. b. his brother was clearly not okay. And c. There was definitely something going on. He took a bite out of his pancake as he watched Dean pour out some coffee for himself and shook his head a little annoyed.
"Dean you like like shit man, you can't tell me this is just nothing. Since when have you ever been this tired for no reason? If you want talk to me then I'll just have to try someone who might know what the hell is going on here. Or at least might be able to help."
He paused and pulled out his phone and started scrolling down the list of names in his phone book. It still amused him that he had an angel in his Rolodex. Even if he wasn't the biggest fan of Castiel. It still make the corners of his mouth twitch with the beginnings of a smirk.
"Maybe Cas will know how to fix you" He said matter of factly as he peered up from his phone to gage Dean's reaction. The look of shock and anger that flashed across Dean's face told Sam just what his brother thought of that idea. Which simply made the younger Winchester more determined to do it.
"Look dude, either you talk to me, or I call him. Because I'm worried about you man, and I'm done fucking around here. You're not well and I need to know why if I'm gonna be able to help you Dean. So start spilling or I hit dial. Up to you bro."
He jerked the phone away from Dean as his brother made a lunge for it and shook his head firmly. "Not joking here Dean, your choice"
He could hardly look at Dean without wincing and he had to find a way to help him before Dean had nothing left at all. He wondered briefly where Cas was anyway, they hadn't seen or heard from him since all this started. Which was one of the weirdest parts. Cas and Dean normally spoke every couple of days on the phone or Cas would just pop in, tell them how much closer to the end of the world they were, that he hadn't found god, and pop back out again. But now... nothing, not so much as a text. Sam found himself thinking that if Cas knew how ill Dean seemed to be, he would want to help him. The angel had always seemed a little protective of Dean anyway. So in his mind, he was the right person to ask for help now. Even if Dean didn't want him too...
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Dean frowned when Sam said he looked like shit. He knew he wasn't winning no beauty contests lately, but there was no need for Sam to wax snark about it. He looked a little hurt and glanced at his plate, but his eyes slammed back to Sammy's face when he mentioned calling someone. Shit, he wasn't gonna get Bobby involved, was he?
He felt something drop in his chest when Sam said he'd call Cas. His face must have been a picture of fury and horror, and Dean hated that he had let it show. He also hated that Sam had Castiel's number in his phone, and he wondered at his little moment of petty jealousy.
"You call Cas, and I don't care how tired I am, I'm gonna kick your ass," Dean threatened, knowing his words were not all that scary now his clothes were hanging off him and his face looked more than a little bit gaunt, not to mention the trembling in his hands. Fuck. He didn't know what to do. He wanted to see Cas, he really did. He wanted to see the angel while he was awake, and see if the feelings from his dreams that had seeped into his waking life were reciprocated.
He made to grab for the cell phone, but his movement was more of a sissy flail than a strong swipe. He sighed, defeated, and said quietly, "Call him. It might make morse sense to talk to 'im. Just make sure he knows we're in a public place, and he can't do his zapping act in here."
He looked at Sam and felt more tired than ever before. He wasn't cut out for all this emotional hullabaloo. Dean was an action sort of guy, and while what he was feeling in his mind were beautiful butterflies they turned into common moths as he tried to voice them.
"Sam, you've got to understand something here. I can't help this. I've tried, I really have, and nothing I do seems to work. It's happening every night, and I can't stop it." He looked intently at his bacon, unable to look at his little brother and admit that he was dreaming about the angel who was supposed to be helping them unbreak the world that they had fucked up in the first place. He swallowed nervously, and took another mouthful of coffee while he tried to work up the courage to tell Sammy what was really going on.
***********************
He nodded lightly when Dean finally gave in and started saying the first smart thing Sam had heard since he woke up that morning. "Good, finally some sense" He said with relief "Yeah, yeah I'll let him know" He said as he held his phone down again confident Dean wasn't going to fight him anymore. He had let Dean's promise to kick his ass if he called Cas slide, Dean didn't look like he was up to much of anything, even dealing with Sam's comebacks right now. His hand paused over the dial button when Dean started talking again.
He was staring down at his food and wouldn't look at Sam. As he talked he could hear his brother struggling to get the words out. It was the first time he'd even come close to admitting to Sam that there was something going on. And Sam's eyes widened in surprise that Dean had actually opened up, even if it hadn't been much.
"Dean, why do you sound like you think I'll blame you or judge you for what's happening to you when I find out what it is. You know what ever it is I wouldn't do that man. I'm not exactly in a place to judge anyone right now am I?" He said as he looked sadly at his brother. "Especially not you... and not for ... for what ever the hell this might be Dean"
With that he hit dial, his eyes never leaving Dean's shallow face as he put the phone to his ear. It only took two rings and Castiel answered.
'Sam, what's wrong, why are you calling me?' The angel's voice came over the other end of the line, and Sam could hear the worry in his voice. He guessed it was because Sam never called Cas, and also because it wasn't Dean who'd called him.
"Hi Cas, listen, we need your help... Dean needs your help." He added the last part, emphasizing the Dean, he knew Cas wasn't all that fond of Sam, but he also know the angel would come if it was Dean who was in trouble.
'Where are you? Was all he replied, but there was a cold frank determination to his tone that told Sam that Cas was worried and would get there as soon as Sam told them where they were.
"Harmony, Wyoming, diner called Sue's diner" Before Sam could tell Cas the street name the phone went dead and Sam was left with nothing to do other than stare blankly at it for a moment and then flip it closed.
"Either he's in a really bad mood or he love's you dude, cause seriously, I've never heard him sound like that before..."
It was an off hand comment, he wasn't even sure where it had come from but he looked at Dean as he said and almost wished he could take it back, because he wasn't sure how Dean would react to it. "All I mean, is he seems worried, pissed or worried, I'm not sure which..." His voice trailed off and he stuffed a too big mouthful of pancakes into his mouth to stop himself talking anymore, and syrup ran down his chin as he swiped at it with a napkin.
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Dean didn't want to listen while Sammy called Cas, but a deeper part of him (the part of him that knew what Castiel's naked skin felt like, the exact curve of his eyelashes, the precise softness of his lips and also knew exactly where to touch him to make him lose his reason) yearned to grab the cell out of Sammy's hands and listen to the voice he missed when he wasn't sleeping. He folded his arms again and stared resolutely out the window, unsure what to say or do next.
Dean laughed bitterly and looked up at Sam. "'Cos you know what the fucked up thing is, Sam? If the boot was on the other foot, I'd think this was funny. Laugh out loud fuckin' hilarious. An' I'm worried you're not gonna take me seriously. But look at me, dude..." He spread his arms in a jokingly dramatic gesture. "I'm a god-damn mess. And every night it gets worse, and I can't. Fucking. Stop. It!"
He clenched his eyes shut as he heard the quiet mumble of Castiel's voice on Sam's phone. He could hear a slight edge of fear to it, and it nearly broke him in two. He was making him worry, yet again. Hurting him. He tried not to listen any more, and once he heard Sam hang up he risked a glance at him, and wished he hadn't.
"Well, well... Guess we'll find out soon enough, won't we?" Dean said cryptically, and went back to worrying his bacon. His appetite was completely gone now. It was a combination of trepidation and excitement, and it was a strange combination for him.
He raised eyebrows at Sammy's messy eating and said, "Dude, you're a pig."
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"Dean there's not much on earth that could make this, any of this, funny right now. Whatever is going on here, I can see its serious just be looking at the state of you. I just wish you'd trust me enough to let me in."
He sighed and swallowed down some coffee and glanced at Dean again. It hurt to think that three years ago he was pretty sure Dean would have just told him what was going on. His brother didn't trust him anymore and that hurt man, that really hurt. The worst thing about it though, was the fact that Sam couldn't blame him. Not this time, what he'd done, that shit just don't get forgotten even if Dean had managed some how to forgive him.
"Don't think it will take him long to get here somehow" He added when Dean commented about what Sam had said about Cas. What Sam couldn't work out was whether Dean was talking about whether Cas loved him, or what Sam had said about him being worried or pissed.
He opened his mouth to ask Dean something that had been on his mind since he started this conversation and clamped it shut again thinking... Did he really want to know? He wasn't sure honestly, but he had to help Dean and if knowing the answer to this would help, then he'd just have to suck it up and Deal with it...
"Dean, are you... do you..." He scratched the back of his head lightly, still hesitating before blurting out in a rush. "Are you in love with Cas?"
He watched Dean for a moment then blushed at his question and busied himself with his pancakes again. Trying not to hold his breath waiting for Dean's answer, or more likely, Dean's fist meeting with his jaw.
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Castiel was in front of the diner in a moments time, he had never been so scared and nervous and... god, just, he didn't even know how he was feeling. He was about to see Dean for the first time while he was awake since they'd first made love. And he was terrified of that. Because what if Dean didn't really love him and it was all just dreams.
Why had it been Sam to call him and not Dean, did Dean not want to talk to him. What was so badly wrong that Sam would call him and ask for his help. And it was Dean, his Dean, that needed the help. Castiel couldn't have gotten here fast enough and as he stood for a briefest second and watched the diner he felt his heart swell. Dean was in that Diner, and no matter what else was about to happen, he needed Castiel's help. That was all that mattered right now. It was that and that alone that gave him the courage to walk into that diner. He'd never been this nervous in his life.
He opened the door and walked into the diner, trench coat flapping in the back draft rushing out the door as it opened. He looked around and spotted Sam sitting in a booth facing him. He could make out the back of Dean's head as he moved toward them and his gut twisted into a tight knot. God he loved that man so much it was physically painful to be this close to him and not know exactly how he felt.
Castiel reached the table and didn't even greet Sam other than to glance quickly in his direction before his eyes turned on Dean. Wide and searching, his blue eyes traced over Dean's face quickly and he let out a whimper of pain at what he saw. "Dean..." He muttered, his voice taken away by the shock. Dean looked just about dead and fear took hold of Cas and wouldn't let it go. "What happened to him?" He barked at Sam without his eyes ever leaving Dean's face. He searched his eyes for any trace of what Dean was thinking as he looked up at Castiel.
He took a step toward Dean, he wanted to touch him, run his hand gently over his face, pull him into a hug that he hoped would comfort him. But he paused when he realised what he was contemplating and froze to the spot and looked at Dean with concern and questions and fear. But above all, the one emotion that shone through his eyes was love, the strong aching love that he felt for Dean. He needed Dean to see it, to know it was real. So he opened himself up, not caring if Sam noticed, only caring that Dean did.... "I'm going to fix this Dean, what ever happened to you, I'm going to fix it" He said strongly, his voice deep and it held a promise that he had every intention of keeping. What ever it took, who ever had to pay, he would make Dean well again.
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Dean wished he could believe him. Really, he did, but he could hear Sammy laughing his ass off in his head every time he thought about telling him what was happening. It wasn't that he didn't trust Sam. It was just that he didn't trust Sam not to find some kind of humour in the situation, and he meant it, had this been Sam he would have been giggling like a schoolgirl while trying to find a solution.
"I've been having these dreams, Sammy. Every night. Dunno what or who is sending them, but I wake up every morning feeling like someone's put the whammy on me, and I can hardly move 'cos I'm so god-damn weak afterwards. That's what's going on. An' just look at what's it's doing to me," he added, his voice a little softer then. "It's gonna be the death of me if I can't figure it out."
He rose his head sharply when Sam asked the million dollar question, and thought about biting his head off. But why do it? he asked himself. The truth was going to come out today, no matter what he did. He could feel it in his gut, and Dean's instincts were usually correct.
"Yep," Dean replied, daring Sam to laugh with eyes that spoke volumes while his strength could only squeak.
That was all he said, and he had just started to drink his coffee when he felt Castiel's presence in the diner. His eyes closed of their own volition, and he gave a soft sigh under his breath, hidden by his coffee cup. He didn't even need to see him, just knowing he was there made him feel less on edge. He lowered his cup when he heard Cas say his name, and he turned to him then. He realised how bad he must look to him, when he had been seeing him whole and healthy in their shared dreams each night, and he wanted to curl up and hide from the look of horror on his usually stoic face.
He got unsteadily to his feet and put his arms around Cas, clasping him in a loose hug that could be interpreted as a mere greeting for a friend, only Dean pressed a soft kiss on Castiel's throat, the side that Sam wouldn't be able to see. He knew as soon as he heard Cas speak that the feelings were real, and it gave his strength a little boost. He still felt like death warmed up, but having Cas near him again was like coming home.
"Cas," he said, the warmth in his voice undeniable as he stepped away from the hug and slipped back into his seat. He felt ridiculously shaky, and he hated it. He was supposed to be strong and fit, a hunter in his prime, but he was weaker than a kitten these days. "Whatever happened to me?" Dean asked, surprise evident in his eyes and tone of voice. "I've been getting weaker and weaker since these dreams started, Cas. That's what's happened to me."
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He stared at Dean for a moment, "Dean if its just dreams, then why didn't you tell me sooner, we could have started working out how to stop this ages ago. Before you got to, to this." He waved a hand in Dean's direction indicating he was talking about Dean's general state.
He sighed and took a sip of his coffee, which he promptly choked on in shock. He'd not even expected Dean to answer him, let alone say yes. Even if he did love the guy Sam had expected him to lie about it. He came up from his coffee, coughing and spluttering, looking at Dean with wide shocked eyes.
"Dude, seriously?" He asked before he could stop himself.
He was so shocked still he didn't even notice Castiel until the angel was standing beside the table and looking at Dean like someone had just torn his heart out. It was the tone of voice and the look he gave Dean that told Sam that if Dean was in love with Cas, then the angel definitely felt the same way.
He was about to stutter out an answer to Cas' question when Dean answered for him. Which was lucky because his mind was still trying to compute what he was witnessing. Dean had stood up almost the moment he'd seen Cas and hugged him. His brother had just hugged an angel... 'holy fuck' his brain was screaming at him as he sat jaw hanging open, unable to speak. What was even more shocking, was the way Dean said Cas' name. It said it all, even if Dean hadn't admitted to Sam that he loved Cas moments before, he'd have known then. And then... holy fuck his mind screamed... then Castiel, the asshole, never feels a goddamn thing angel, wrapped his arms around Dean and buried his head in Dean's shoulder until Dean stepped away and sat back down.
He still couldn't speak, he just stared from one to the other and back again...
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Castiel's world stopped the moment he saw the look in Dean's eyes as the man stood and wrapped his arms around Cas. He felt his heart almost explode in his chest as he wrapped Dean in his arms also and returned the hug. Pulling him closer and burring his face against Dean's neck. A shiver running down his back when Dean's lips pressed softly to his neck and he whispered so only Dean would hear him. "I'm here Dean"
He wanted to keep holding on forever, but he let Dean pull away and sit back down, his eyes following him movements. "Dean, I'm sorry.... I, god, I should have realised what was going on, I should have stopped this... but I..." His voice trailed off. He knew now what was going on, what creature was doing this to Dean, there was only one thing he knew who could drain the life out of Dean like this through his dreams. "I didn't want it to end he finished in a strangled whisper as he looked wide eyed at Dean.
"Fuck" he swore and realised it was the first time he'd used the word while not in Dean's dreams. It was the only one that fit right now. "I'm going to kill it, I'm going to tear it limb from limb" He growled dangerously and his eyes flashed with anger. He was going to find which ever succubus doing this to Dean and destroy them. Even if he had to kill every goddamn one of them to get to the right one.
"Dean..." He said softly, no accusation in his voice, just sadness, "... why didn't you tell me what was happening to you while you were awake?"
He moved closer and pressed his hands down on the table like he was trying hard to stop them doing anything else that he wasn't sure he should do. He wanted desperately to sit down next to Dean and wrap and arm around him, let him rest on his shoulder, just be there to help him while he was weak.
He glanced at Sam now and noted the look of shock on his face and couldn't help but smile a little at his hanging jaw. "Sam?" He asked softly, he needed Sam to be ok with him and Dean because he knew how much Sam meant to his brother. So what Sam thought would matter, even if Dean had told him before that it wouldn't matter.
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"Oh, they're not just dreams, Sammy. If they were, I would have told you. Dreams are never only 'just', I know that now." His eyes were haunted as he looked out the window, not wanting to tell him the nature of his dreams - be they the hell flashbacks, or the sexual fantasies that sapped him of all of his strength. "They're... they're addictive," he added in a hoarse voice.
Dean laughed weakly at Sammy. His reaction was pretty much what he had expected. Hell, it had pretty much been his own reaction a few weeks ago when he had first fallen into bed with an angel in his best dreams. Dean knew it would take Sammy some time to get over this, and to have it make sense for him, just like it did for Dean. He could appreciate the shock, but it didn't make it any the less... well, embarrassing.
"Sam, I'm too worn out to slap you right now, so just mash your face into my palm, okay?" he said, a trace of his old grin on his face, but then Castiel was there, standing beside him and radiating worry, and he had to ignore Sammy's slack-jawed, comical shock.
He smiled against Cas as they embraced, and whispered a soft, "Thank God," as a reply, knowing how Cas would react to that. He had used up all his energy with that hug for Cas, and now he was sat back down, he thought he might fall asleep. He fumbled with the coffee cup and eventually raised it to his lips, drinking rich black ambrosial goodness down and giving him a much needed caffeine boost.
"Cas, it's alright... I just thought I was sick," Dean tried to soothe him, but his eyes darkened as he realised that Cas now knew what had done this to him. "Cas... Castiel!" he said, struggling to make the name sound strong, and not reedy and weak like he had made it before. "What is it? You know what it is, don't you? Tell me what it is, and I'll hunt it."
He shivered when Cas swore, and had to remind himself that this wasn't another dream. Sammy was there. He couldn't go getting all excited cos the angel couldn't help his potty mouth in public. So, he reigned his weary self in and said in barely more than a whisper, "I didn't link the two, Cas. Not until the last few times. And... I didn't want it to end, either."
He scooched over on his side of the booth, and patted the empty space beside him, looking hopefully up at Cas. "Sit," he said softly. He followed Castiel's gaze and grinned again, too weak to laugh now.
"Catchin' flies there, Sammy?" Dean teased.
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He snorted at Dean's comment about smooshing his face into Dean's palm for him and almost got over his shock... until Cas showed up and it all started again.
He listened to what the two were saying, feeling suddenly like the third wheel... which if he was honest, this wasn't the first time he'd felt like that when Castiel was around. It was just a little... different this time.
"You're not hunting anything the state you're in Dean" He said suddenly finding his voice when Dean said he'd hunt what ever was hurting him. He liked Castiel's idea better for once and nodded at him. "Let Cas deal with this one Dean, not like he's not got the power to take on pretty much anything... you can't even eat your breakfast, how you gonna kill something powerful enough to fuck with your dreams... something powerful enough, if I'm getting this right, to fuck with Cas too. I mean" He looked at Cas now, "You were, you were actually in the dreams weren't you?" He wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer to that... not after the moans he'd heard coming from Dean at night... Jesus He thought to himself, this was all to much to take in. He was gonna need a shit load of therapy if he survived long enough.
He felt suddenly like he was a part of a very private conversation and shifted uncomfortably in his seat when Dean and Cas were telling each other that neither of them had wanted the dreams to end. He just sat with his mouth open in shock again and looked anywhere but at the two of them.
His jaw snapped shut when Dean teased him and he looked at Cas when he said his name and then back at Dean. "Dude you're gonna need to give me some time with this yeah?" He said as he looked at Dean, his eyes trying to tell him that he was trying to understand but... he needed more time.
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Castiel listened to Dean and his anger grew at himself for not fighting harder against the dreams, he'd knowing something wasn't right. He'd known that anything who could pull him from anywhere on earth could only be doing it for evil. What other reason would anything that powerful want with Dean's dreams. He balled his hands in fists after removing them from the table and pressed them into his thighs. He was trying to keep his anger in check, no need to be breaking electronics and causing rain storms because he was angry with himself.
He looked at Sam as he beat Cas to answering Dean's idea of him hunting the succubus. He nodded firmly and turned back to Dean. "Sam's right, I will do this Dean, please trust me and do as I ask... just this once?" He smirked slightly at the memory of a conversation they'd once had about how Dean always seemed to do the exact opposite of what Castiel had asked him. "It's a succubus Dean, nothing else would do this, or have the power to do it either. They are fallen angels Dean, they were plunged into hell with Lucifer, and this one, this one has the power to push me around. Sam's right, she must be very powerful. I will do this Dean..." He stopped and studied Dean's face to see if he was getting through to him.
"Let me save you..." He murmured. He smiled and took a seat beside Dean in the both, he slid in and pressed his side warmly against Dean, he couldn't stop himself. Couldn't leave any space between them. He didn't care what anyone else said or thought. He moved a hand under the both to squeeze Dean's thigh above his knee gently. His eyes locked onto Dean's and he whispered earnestly. "Please Dean?" He had wanted to say angel, to use the pet name he'd given Dean that second night. He held it back though because he didn't want to embarrass Dean in front of Sam and he wasn't sure if the name would be something Dean would be comfortable when it wasn't just the two of them.
He turned to give Sam a smile. "Thank you" was all he said, and he meant it. He knew that what Sam had said to Dean just then had been as close to acceptance as they could expect right now, and he knew it would mean a lot to Dean, so it meant a lot to him also.
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Dean shook his head at Sam, putting all the energy he had into making it look authoritative and firm. "No... whatever sonofabitch is behind this is getting its ass handed to it, by me, and Cas. It dicked with both of us, and it chose the wrong guys to dick with." He tried to look intimidating, and realised he probably just looked sleepy, so he gave it a rest. He leaned against Cas, not trusting himself not to pass out peacefully if he leaned against the plush padding of the booth.
He hesitated, noticing the horror on Sammy's face as it dawned on him just who had been making Dean act like a teenager in his sleep. "Well, if it gets me when I'm sleeping, I'll just have to make sure I either don't sleep, or I go to sleep armed," Dean said as cheerfully as he could. Not sleeping? Piece of cake! He could do that. His eyelids felt heavy as he leaned against his angel, so to distract himself he struggled to sit up. "Bacon?" Dean offered to Cas, pointing at the barely touched plate of food Sammy had insisted on ordering for him. It was better than sitting there, trying to stay awake.
He hated being this weak. Really hated it. It made him feel very vulnerable, and with an icy shiver he realised that this was probably the goal of whatever had been putting the whammy on him in his sleep. To get him weak, to make him unable to defend himself. He was suddenly desperate to know what was behind it all, and Castiel's insistence that he let him take care of it tore his resolve in two.
"A succubus?" Dean asked, his jaw dropping and making him mimic Sammy's comical expression. "Some she-devil bitch has been getting me while I'm sleeping?" He wanted to take a long shower. A hot one. Involving bleach and a wire brush. He doubted he would ever feel clean again. A succubus... and she had tainted the beautiful dreams he had shared with Cas. "Son of a bitch!" Dean swore.
"It's powerful enough to fuck you around, too, prec- Cas," he said, stopping himself from using the petname in front of Sam. Sam seemed to be struggling with the fact that he and Cas were an item right now. Petnames might just send him screaming from the diner. "It could hurt you if it wanted to. I'm not takin' that chance." His resolve crumbled completely when Cas slid closer to him, squeezed his leg softly and said please in such a sweet voice. Their closeness filled him with happiness, and he closed his eyes softly and rested his head on the angel's shoulder.
"Give that bitch hell from me, precious," he whispered against Castiel's ear, grateful that Sam was too busy looking like he wanted to go freak out in the general direction of the door to pay attention to what he was saying to Cas. He would give him his freak out time. He had needed it in the beginning, so he'd give Sam the same courtesy. "Sure thing, Sammy," Dean said.
He relaxed against Cas and said quietly, "I'm so god-damn tired all the time..." He could feel himself slipping into sleep, and he tried to fight it. He didn't want that succubus digging her claws into his already weakened flesh once more.
****************************
Sam was feeling more and more like he was seeing something private that he shouldn't be a part of. It wasn't that he held anything against his brother and Cas, he was just still trying to process it all. Because, come on! It was Dean... ultra macho, love em and leave em, chick magnet Dean, and he was in love... like really in love. Sam could see that in every moment when Dean's eyes looked at Cas. That in itself would have been cause for a raised eyebrow and some serious ribbing (if Dean had been running on all cylinders).
However, that wasn't the most of it, as Sam sat and watched the two opposite him, unable to look away but really, really wishing he could. Dean 'busty Asian beauties' was in love with a man... Ok well an angel, but a male angel, in a man's body. And you know, Sam was ok with that if Dean was, he had nothing against gay people. It was just... it was just a shock is all, and it would take him a while to really believe it, and he wasn't sure he'd ever truly understand it. He would however accept it, accept them. Hell he'd spent the better part of last year fucking a Demon. He couldn't exactly judge, and one thing was for sure, male or not, Cas was a damned sight better than a demon. Even Sam would admit that. Cas was an angel after all, and he had saved Dean from hell, and then rebelled against heaven...
It was like a light went on in his head and that little act of Castiel's finally made more sense. "You.. This is why you rebelled isn't it" He asked Cas suddenly with a wide eyed look that was somewhere between shock and revelation. "You, you said it was all for Dean in the hospital with Bobby... I just didn't think..." His voice drifted off and he glanced at Dean before turning his head and looking out the window resolutely. Cas was talking to Dean now and Dean was arguing that Sam was wrong (as usual) and that he and Cas would hunt the thing together.
Sam felt a tinge of hurt at that, why not Dean and Sam hunting it? A little voice in his head said as his jaw clenched slightly. He was distracted however at the way Castiel was talking to Dean, he'd never heard Cas be so gently and it shocked him more than anything had yet. Even Cas swearing hadn't been that shocking. Cas was pleading with Dean, gently asking him not to try to hunt this thing and Sam felt a little of his prejudice toward the angel lift. Anyone who cared that much for his brother was ok in his books.
Dean's head was resting languidly against Cas' shoulder, the two were pressed close together and looked so comfortable with the nearness that it seemed almost natural. Sam took a sip of coffee and almost choked on it again. Dean's concern for the angel had caught him by surprise and he felt like a punching bag for shock right now. He tried desperately to block out the rest of what the two where saying, and he managed for the most part, but he couldn't stop himself over hearing the end of a quiet whisper...
He blinked and stared straight out the window... What had Dean just called Cas? HOLY FUCK his brain screamed again as he eyed the door and thought seriously about running. He couldn't do much more than nod at Cas when the angel looked at him and said thank you. His mouth had failed to function again.
**************************
Castiel felt Dean lean in closer to him and felt the weight of the man as Dean struggled to hold himself up, to stay awake. A wave of worry flooded him as his eyes landed on Dean's face with soft concern. He very gently laced an arm behind Dean's body in the booth and wrapped him up in it carefully, making sure Dean was cradled in his arm, head resting against Cas' shoulder like it belonged there. He couldn't stop himself from leaning in and pressing his cheek to the top of Dean's head briefly before he turned to look at Sam. Satisfied Dean was comfortable.
"Yes" was all he said in answer to Sam's question, he gave the young man a small smile and just watched him for a moment as Sam turned to stare out the window. Castiel could see it was only his love and concern for Dean that had kept him seated in his booth.
He turned back to Dean, and for a moment he thought Dean was going to try to argue again, say he wanted to go with Cas to hunt this thing. However Dean gave in in the end and the way he did it made everything in Castiel shiver. The quiet whisper, the way he called him precious. It was all Castiel could do not to kiss Dean right then. He did however let the stupidly happy grin he often got when he was around Dean these days spread across his face for a moment before replying.
"I will be fine Dean I promise you, she will not be able to harm me, not while I am awake." He said softly just for Dean, and gave the arm around Dean's waist a gently squeeze. He smiled and just watched Dean for a moment. Their faces were so close Cas could feel Dean's warm breath on his chin and it made his heart race. He couldn't help what he did next, it was almost like reflex and it just felt natural. He lent down gently and pressed his lips softly to Dean's forehead. Kissing him for a moment before turning and laying his cheek on his head again.
"I will angel, she wont know what's hit her. No body hurts you, not on my watch" he whispered quietly. He didn't care if Sam heard anymore. He was with Dean and that was all that mattered. He could fell Dean struggling to stay away, it had been the reason the man had offered Castiel some of his food. Cas knew they had to do something to get Dean some sleep, without having him dream. He thought maybe he could help him, make sure he didn't dream, control his sleep. He had that power and he would do it if needed.
He reached over, nudging Dean awake as he did and took a piece of bacon off the plate with a grin. He'd never eaten anything... unless Dean counted. If however, it would amuse Dean, maybe make him smile, keep him awake a little longer, then he was willing to try it. "What's it taste like?" He asked a little nervously as he eyed the bacon before glancing back at Dean. And then he took a bite and chewed. He wasn't sure if he liked it or not, it was too salty and it almost seemed to burn his taste buds. But he swallowed it anyway and took another bite.
"You need to sleep Dean", he turned to Sam, "I can help him sleep unless you know a better way? He needs to not dream, I can control his sleep the same way she is doing if.." He turned to look at Dean again "..you let me, if you trust me too. Otherwise," he turned back to Sam, "we will need to find another way, do you know anything that could help Sam?"
Castiel wanted Dean to let him help him in this way, he wanted to wrap Dean in his arms and watch over him as he made sure he could sleep without dreaming. He wasn't sure if Dean was ready for that level of intimacy outside of the dreams yet though, so he had to ask, and see if Sam had any ideas.
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Part two
Split into two because of the length. Sorry kiddies.
Authors: kimisgirl and doubledgedsword
Pairing: Castiel/Dean
Rating/Warnings: NC-17
Summary: Dean knows it's a dream, he knows its not real.... so why does it feel like it means more, and more importantly, why does he wish it was more? And, why, for that matter, does Castiel show up the next moring with a hikey on his neck and angry as hell? If it's not real why does the angel know everything that happened... like he was there?
Disclaimer: None of the supernatural characters or storylines belong to us :( -sad face-
Sam sat across from his brother watching him carefully as Dean sat slumped in his booth pushing his bacon around his plate absently. Dean was looking exhausted and moody and was becoming more and more lost inside his own head lately. And it was getting worse. Sam had finally had enough. He had no idea exactly what was wrong with Dean, but he wasn't an idiot and after three weeks of waking up to a gasping moaning Dean, only to have him purr out the name of their friendly resident angel. Then to have anger and denial thrown back in his face when ever he tried to approach the subject with his brother. Sam had had enough and he was going to make Dean spit it out, because if it kept going this way one of two things were going to happen.
Either Dean would die of exhaustion or Sam would kill him for being such a monumental jackass. Sam wasn't really keen on either of these ideas, so he gave Dean a prod with his finger to get his attention just above his wrist on his right arm. "Dude, you gonna eat that or just play with it? Cause I've never seen you say no to bacon... or any food for that matter..." Sam smirked at him, he figured if he could at least get Dean smiling, talking, he might just be able to get him to finally drop his guard and fess up what the hell was going on.
Sam had had some time to ponder what Dean's nightly moaning meant, or might mean rather. And he wasn't sure how he felt about any of the possible options. They were as follows, as far as Sam could devise. One, some supernatural being was messing with Dean and making him dream shit about the angel to fuck with him. Something he ruled out about two weeks back, because he knew that if it was that Dean would have asked for help no matter how embarrassing the dreams were. The second option was Dean was fantasying about .... Cas. This one had Sam stopping in his tracks, Dean wasn't gay for a start, so why in hell would he want to bone Cas' brains out? The third option, and it was the only one he could really lean toward, even though he still couldn't believe it was even remotely possible, was that Dean had some how, some way, and only god knew how, fallen in love with an angel of the lord... with Castiel. It was the only reason in Sam's head that could explain things.
The dreams Dean was having were most definitely about the angel, Sam had woken enough times now to hearing the name leaving his brothers lips to have no doubt on that. And they were also most certainly sexual in nature. And there that right there, that was why Sam had decided that his brother might be in love with the angel. Why else would Dean want to dream like that about a man? He wasn't going to do it just because he was lusting after Cas. And it wasn't something supernatural or he'd have just told Sam...
And how did Sam feel about all this? Honestly he didn't have a fuckin' clue right now. All he knew was he needed Dean to come clean to him so they could work out what the fuck to do about it. And how to get Dean some decent bloody sleep, so he didn't keep biting Sam's head off every time he opened his mouth.
"You need to start talking to me Dean, you know that right?" He said softly his eyes studying his brother. "You can trust me man... I know we've had... issues lately but I thought we'd put that behind us. Please Dean, what's going on with you dude?
****************
Dean felt like crap. Worse than that, he looked like crap. He would have put it down to his hours of sleep being spent in the arms of an angel who could do wonderful, wonderful, filthy things to him; but this crappy feeling felt so far removed from his dreams that he doubted it. This felt like he had been hit by a series of progressively larger vehicles until this last night had left him feeling like he had tangled with an 18-wheeler, and come out the loser. He glared at Sam, dark circles ringing his eyes, and speared a piece of bacon with more venom than he had meant to and popped it into his mouth, chewing it slowly and deliberately.
"Shut your cakehole, Sammy," Dean suggested. "I'm just not all that hungry." The lie was small. He was hungry, but he was hungrier for something else. Castiel. He shoved his plate away from him listlessly and sank back in the plush booth. His skin was pale and almost ashy looking. He had lost weight, he knew it. If he hadn't been having carnal pleasures every night in his dreams, he would have guessed he was sick, and he would have looked for a doctor weeks ago. As it was, he barely had the energy to banter with Sammy as he usually would.
He looked out the window and folded his arms, looking as moody now as he felt. He could feel Sammy's eyes on him. Fuck.
He waited.
He knew it was coming.
It wouldn't be Sammy if he didn't try to have some big Doctor Phil sort of revelation moment with him, trying to get him to speak about his feelings, and Dean recognised the signs. Sam was watching him for one. Hoboy, now he was leaning forward... and there we have it, the deep intake of breath and sideways glance before taking the plunge! Dean cringed inwardly, waiting for the inevitable sincere and well meaning questions, and was not disappointed when they came. They were everything he had expected, and had he felt more energetic he would have kicked Sam hard in the shins.
He looked at Sam, ready to eviscerate him verbally, but aaaaahhh nooooooo! Not the hurt puppy eyes!
He grimaced, and finally said, his voice weak, "What do you want me to say, Sammy? You want me to spill my guts and break down cryin' just so you'll feel better? We've got nothing to talk about beyond bacon and coffee right now." He pulled the coffee pot closer to him and poured himself a cup. Dark, strong, and once he added about three spoons of sugar, it would be sweet. Exactly the way Dean loved his morning coffee. He took a large mouthful of it and sighed. "There's nothin' going on, Sammy. Give it a rest, ok?"
******************
Sam sat and watched Dean as he lied through his teeth to him and sighed heavily. Sam wasn't an idiot and he knew Dean well enough to know that, a. he was hungry, he was always hungry. He just hadn't had enough energy to eat lately. At least thats what Sam put it down too. b. his brother was clearly not okay. And c. There was definitely something going on. He took a bite out of his pancake as he watched Dean pour out some coffee for himself and shook his head a little annoyed.
"Dean you like like shit man, you can't tell me this is just nothing. Since when have you ever been this tired for no reason? If you want talk to me then I'll just have to try someone who might know what the hell is going on here. Or at least might be able to help."
He paused and pulled out his phone and started scrolling down the list of names in his phone book. It still amused him that he had an angel in his Rolodex. Even if he wasn't the biggest fan of Castiel. It still make the corners of his mouth twitch with the beginnings of a smirk.
"Maybe Cas will know how to fix you" He said matter of factly as he peered up from his phone to gage Dean's reaction. The look of shock and anger that flashed across Dean's face told Sam just what his brother thought of that idea. Which simply made the younger Winchester more determined to do it.
"Look dude, either you talk to me, or I call him. Because I'm worried about you man, and I'm done fucking around here. You're not well and I need to know why if I'm gonna be able to help you Dean. So start spilling or I hit dial. Up to you bro."
He jerked the phone away from Dean as his brother made a lunge for it and shook his head firmly. "Not joking here Dean, your choice"
He could hardly look at Dean without wincing and he had to find a way to help him before Dean had nothing left at all. He wondered briefly where Cas was anyway, they hadn't seen or heard from him since all this started. Which was one of the weirdest parts. Cas and Dean normally spoke every couple of days on the phone or Cas would just pop in, tell them how much closer to the end of the world they were, that he hadn't found god, and pop back out again. But now... nothing, not so much as a text. Sam found himself thinking that if Cas knew how ill Dean seemed to be, he would want to help him. The angel had always seemed a little protective of Dean anyway. So in his mind, he was the right person to ask for help now. Even if Dean didn't want him too...
***********************
Dean frowned when Sam said he looked like shit. He knew he wasn't winning no beauty contests lately, but there was no need for Sam to wax snark about it. He looked a little hurt and glanced at his plate, but his eyes slammed back to Sammy's face when he mentioned calling someone. Shit, he wasn't gonna get Bobby involved, was he?
He felt something drop in his chest when Sam said he'd call Cas. His face must have been a picture of fury and horror, and Dean hated that he had let it show. He also hated that Sam had Castiel's number in his phone, and he wondered at his little moment of petty jealousy.
"You call Cas, and I don't care how tired I am, I'm gonna kick your ass," Dean threatened, knowing his words were not all that scary now his clothes were hanging off him and his face looked more than a little bit gaunt, not to mention the trembling in his hands. Fuck. He didn't know what to do. He wanted to see Cas, he really did. He wanted to see the angel while he was awake, and see if the feelings from his dreams that had seeped into his waking life were reciprocated.
He made to grab for the cell phone, but his movement was more of a sissy flail than a strong swipe. He sighed, defeated, and said quietly, "Call him. It might make morse sense to talk to 'im. Just make sure he knows we're in a public place, and he can't do his zapping act in here."
He looked at Sam and felt more tired than ever before. He wasn't cut out for all this emotional hullabaloo. Dean was an action sort of guy, and while what he was feeling in his mind were beautiful butterflies they turned into common moths as he tried to voice them.
"Sam, you've got to understand something here. I can't help this. I've tried, I really have, and nothing I do seems to work. It's happening every night, and I can't stop it." He looked intently at his bacon, unable to look at his little brother and admit that he was dreaming about the angel who was supposed to be helping them unbreak the world that they had fucked up in the first place. He swallowed nervously, and took another mouthful of coffee while he tried to work up the courage to tell Sammy what was really going on.
***********************
He nodded lightly when Dean finally gave in and started saying the first smart thing Sam had heard since he woke up that morning. "Good, finally some sense" He said with relief "Yeah, yeah I'll let him know" He said as he held his phone down again confident Dean wasn't going to fight him anymore. He had let Dean's promise to kick his ass if he called Cas slide, Dean didn't look like he was up to much of anything, even dealing with Sam's comebacks right now. His hand paused over the dial button when Dean started talking again.
He was staring down at his food and wouldn't look at Sam. As he talked he could hear his brother struggling to get the words out. It was the first time he'd even come close to admitting to Sam that there was something going on. And Sam's eyes widened in surprise that Dean had actually opened up, even if it hadn't been much.
"Dean, why do you sound like you think I'll blame you or judge you for what's happening to you when I find out what it is. You know what ever it is I wouldn't do that man. I'm not exactly in a place to judge anyone right now am I?" He said as he looked sadly at his brother. "Especially not you... and not for ... for what ever the hell this might be Dean"
With that he hit dial, his eyes never leaving Dean's shallow face as he put the phone to his ear. It only took two rings and Castiel answered.
'Sam, what's wrong, why are you calling me?' The angel's voice came over the other end of the line, and Sam could hear the worry in his voice. He guessed it was because Sam never called Cas, and also because it wasn't Dean who'd called him.
"Hi Cas, listen, we need your help... Dean needs your help." He added the last part, emphasizing the Dean, he knew Cas wasn't all that fond of Sam, but he also know the angel would come if it was Dean who was in trouble.
'Where are you? Was all he replied, but there was a cold frank determination to his tone that told Sam that Cas was worried and would get there as soon as Sam told them where they were.
"Harmony, Wyoming, diner called Sue's diner" Before Sam could tell Cas the street name the phone went dead and Sam was left with nothing to do other than stare blankly at it for a moment and then flip it closed.
"Either he's in a really bad mood or he love's you dude, cause seriously, I've never heard him sound like that before..."
It was an off hand comment, he wasn't even sure where it had come from but he looked at Dean as he said and almost wished he could take it back, because he wasn't sure how Dean would react to it. "All I mean, is he seems worried, pissed or worried, I'm not sure which..." His voice trailed off and he stuffed a too big mouthful of pancakes into his mouth to stop himself talking anymore, and syrup ran down his chin as he swiped at it with a napkin.
*****************
Dean didn't want to listen while Sammy called Cas, but a deeper part of him (the part of him that knew what Castiel's naked skin felt like, the exact curve of his eyelashes, the precise softness of his lips and also knew exactly where to touch him to make him lose his reason) yearned to grab the cell out of Sammy's hands and listen to the voice he missed when he wasn't sleeping. He folded his arms again and stared resolutely out the window, unsure what to say or do next.
Dean laughed bitterly and looked up at Sam. "'Cos you know what the fucked up thing is, Sam? If the boot was on the other foot, I'd think this was funny. Laugh out loud fuckin' hilarious. An' I'm worried you're not gonna take me seriously. But look at me, dude..." He spread his arms in a jokingly dramatic gesture. "I'm a god-damn mess. And every night it gets worse, and I can't. Fucking. Stop. It!"
He clenched his eyes shut as he heard the quiet mumble of Castiel's voice on Sam's phone. He could hear a slight edge of fear to it, and it nearly broke him in two. He was making him worry, yet again. Hurting him. He tried not to listen any more, and once he heard Sam hang up he risked a glance at him, and wished he hadn't.
"Well, well... Guess we'll find out soon enough, won't we?" Dean said cryptically, and went back to worrying his bacon. His appetite was completely gone now. It was a combination of trepidation and excitement, and it was a strange combination for him.
He raised eyebrows at Sammy's messy eating and said, "Dude, you're a pig."
**************************
"Dean there's not much on earth that could make this, any of this, funny right now. Whatever is going on here, I can see its serious just be looking at the state of you. I just wish you'd trust me enough to let me in."
He sighed and swallowed down some coffee and glanced at Dean again. It hurt to think that three years ago he was pretty sure Dean would have just told him what was going on. His brother didn't trust him anymore and that hurt man, that really hurt. The worst thing about it though, was the fact that Sam couldn't blame him. Not this time, what he'd done, that shit just don't get forgotten even if Dean had managed some how to forgive him.
"Don't think it will take him long to get here somehow" He added when Dean commented about what Sam had said about Cas. What Sam couldn't work out was whether Dean was talking about whether Cas loved him, or what Sam had said about him being worried or pissed.
He opened his mouth to ask Dean something that had been on his mind since he started this conversation and clamped it shut again thinking... Did he really want to know? He wasn't sure honestly, but he had to help Dean and if knowing the answer to this would help, then he'd just have to suck it up and Deal with it...
"Dean, are you... do you..." He scratched the back of his head lightly, still hesitating before blurting out in a rush. "Are you in love with Cas?"
He watched Dean for a moment then blushed at his question and busied himself with his pancakes again. Trying not to hold his breath waiting for Dean's answer, or more likely, Dean's fist meeting with his jaw.
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Castiel was in front of the diner in a moments time, he had never been so scared and nervous and... god, just, he didn't even know how he was feeling. He was about to see Dean for the first time while he was awake since they'd first made love. And he was terrified of that. Because what if Dean didn't really love him and it was all just dreams.
Why had it been Sam to call him and not Dean, did Dean not want to talk to him. What was so badly wrong that Sam would call him and ask for his help. And it was Dean, his Dean, that needed the help. Castiel couldn't have gotten here fast enough and as he stood for a briefest second and watched the diner he felt his heart swell. Dean was in that Diner, and no matter what else was about to happen, he needed Castiel's help. That was all that mattered right now. It was that and that alone that gave him the courage to walk into that diner. He'd never been this nervous in his life.
He opened the door and walked into the diner, trench coat flapping in the back draft rushing out the door as it opened. He looked around and spotted Sam sitting in a booth facing him. He could make out the back of Dean's head as he moved toward them and his gut twisted into a tight knot. God he loved that man so much it was physically painful to be this close to him and not know exactly how he felt.
Castiel reached the table and didn't even greet Sam other than to glance quickly in his direction before his eyes turned on Dean. Wide and searching, his blue eyes traced over Dean's face quickly and he let out a whimper of pain at what he saw. "Dean..." He muttered, his voice taken away by the shock. Dean looked just about dead and fear took hold of Cas and wouldn't let it go. "What happened to him?" He barked at Sam without his eyes ever leaving Dean's face. He searched his eyes for any trace of what Dean was thinking as he looked up at Castiel.
He took a step toward Dean, he wanted to touch him, run his hand gently over his face, pull him into a hug that he hoped would comfort him. But he paused when he realised what he was contemplating and froze to the spot and looked at Dean with concern and questions and fear. But above all, the one emotion that shone through his eyes was love, the strong aching love that he felt for Dean. He needed Dean to see it, to know it was real. So he opened himself up, not caring if Sam noticed, only caring that Dean did.... "I'm going to fix this Dean, what ever happened to you, I'm going to fix it" He said strongly, his voice deep and it held a promise that he had every intention of keeping. What ever it took, who ever had to pay, he would make Dean well again.
*******************
Dean wished he could believe him. Really, he did, but he could hear Sammy laughing his ass off in his head every time he thought about telling him what was happening. It wasn't that he didn't trust Sam. It was just that he didn't trust Sam not to find some kind of humour in the situation, and he meant it, had this been Sam he would have been giggling like a schoolgirl while trying to find a solution.
"I've been having these dreams, Sammy. Every night. Dunno what or who is sending them, but I wake up every morning feeling like someone's put the whammy on me, and I can hardly move 'cos I'm so god-damn weak afterwards. That's what's going on. An' just look at what's it's doing to me," he added, his voice a little softer then. "It's gonna be the death of me if I can't figure it out."
He rose his head sharply when Sam asked the million dollar question, and thought about biting his head off. But why do it? he asked himself. The truth was going to come out today, no matter what he did. He could feel it in his gut, and Dean's instincts were usually correct.
"Yep," Dean replied, daring Sam to laugh with eyes that spoke volumes while his strength could only squeak.
That was all he said, and he had just started to drink his coffee when he felt Castiel's presence in the diner. His eyes closed of their own volition, and he gave a soft sigh under his breath, hidden by his coffee cup. He didn't even need to see him, just knowing he was there made him feel less on edge. He lowered his cup when he heard Cas say his name, and he turned to him then. He realised how bad he must look to him, when he had been seeing him whole and healthy in their shared dreams each night, and he wanted to curl up and hide from the look of horror on his usually stoic face.
He got unsteadily to his feet and put his arms around Cas, clasping him in a loose hug that could be interpreted as a mere greeting for a friend, only Dean pressed a soft kiss on Castiel's throat, the side that Sam wouldn't be able to see. He knew as soon as he heard Cas speak that the feelings were real, and it gave his strength a little boost. He still felt like death warmed up, but having Cas near him again was like coming home.
"Cas," he said, the warmth in his voice undeniable as he stepped away from the hug and slipped back into his seat. He felt ridiculously shaky, and he hated it. He was supposed to be strong and fit, a hunter in his prime, but he was weaker than a kitten these days. "Whatever happened to me?" Dean asked, surprise evident in his eyes and tone of voice. "I've been getting weaker and weaker since these dreams started, Cas. That's what's happened to me."
**********************
He stared at Dean for a moment, "Dean if its just dreams, then why didn't you tell me sooner, we could have started working out how to stop this ages ago. Before you got to, to this." He waved a hand in Dean's direction indicating he was talking about Dean's general state.
He sighed and took a sip of his coffee, which he promptly choked on in shock. He'd not even expected Dean to answer him, let alone say yes. Even if he did love the guy Sam had expected him to lie about it. He came up from his coffee, coughing and spluttering, looking at Dean with wide shocked eyes.
"Dude, seriously?" He asked before he could stop himself.
He was so shocked still he didn't even notice Castiel until the angel was standing beside the table and looking at Dean like someone had just torn his heart out. It was the tone of voice and the look he gave Dean that told Sam that if Dean was in love with Cas, then the angel definitely felt the same way.
He was about to stutter out an answer to Cas' question when Dean answered for him. Which was lucky because his mind was still trying to compute what he was witnessing. Dean had stood up almost the moment he'd seen Cas and hugged him. His brother had just hugged an angel... 'holy fuck' his brain was screaming at him as he sat jaw hanging open, unable to speak. What was even more shocking, was the way Dean said Cas' name. It said it all, even if Dean hadn't admitted to Sam that he loved Cas moments before, he'd have known then. And then... holy fuck his mind screamed... then Castiel, the asshole, never feels a goddamn thing angel, wrapped his arms around Dean and buried his head in Dean's shoulder until Dean stepped away and sat back down.
He still couldn't speak, he just stared from one to the other and back again...
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Castiel's world stopped the moment he saw the look in Dean's eyes as the man stood and wrapped his arms around Cas. He felt his heart almost explode in his chest as he wrapped Dean in his arms also and returned the hug. Pulling him closer and burring his face against Dean's neck. A shiver running down his back when Dean's lips pressed softly to his neck and he whispered so only Dean would hear him. "I'm here Dean"
He wanted to keep holding on forever, but he let Dean pull away and sit back down, his eyes following him movements. "Dean, I'm sorry.... I, god, I should have realised what was going on, I should have stopped this... but I..." His voice trailed off. He knew now what was going on, what creature was doing this to Dean, there was only one thing he knew who could drain the life out of Dean like this through his dreams. "I didn't want it to end he finished in a strangled whisper as he looked wide eyed at Dean.
"Fuck" he swore and realised it was the first time he'd used the word while not in Dean's dreams. It was the only one that fit right now. "I'm going to kill it, I'm going to tear it limb from limb" He growled dangerously and his eyes flashed with anger. He was going to find which ever succubus doing this to Dean and destroy them. Even if he had to kill every goddamn one of them to get to the right one.
"Dean..." He said softly, no accusation in his voice, just sadness, "... why didn't you tell me what was happening to you while you were awake?"
He moved closer and pressed his hands down on the table like he was trying hard to stop them doing anything else that he wasn't sure he should do. He wanted desperately to sit down next to Dean and wrap and arm around him, let him rest on his shoulder, just be there to help him while he was weak.
He glanced at Sam now and noted the look of shock on his face and couldn't help but smile a little at his hanging jaw. "Sam?" He asked softly, he needed Sam to be ok with him and Dean because he knew how much Sam meant to his brother. So what Sam thought would matter, even if Dean had told him before that it wouldn't matter.
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"Oh, they're not just dreams, Sammy. If they were, I would have told you. Dreams are never only 'just', I know that now." His eyes were haunted as he looked out the window, not wanting to tell him the nature of his dreams - be they the hell flashbacks, or the sexual fantasies that sapped him of all of his strength. "They're... they're addictive," he added in a hoarse voice.
Dean laughed weakly at Sammy. His reaction was pretty much what he had expected. Hell, it had pretty much been his own reaction a few weeks ago when he had first fallen into bed with an angel in his best dreams. Dean knew it would take Sammy some time to get over this, and to have it make sense for him, just like it did for Dean. He could appreciate the shock, but it didn't make it any the less... well, embarrassing.
"Sam, I'm too worn out to slap you right now, so just mash your face into my palm, okay?" he said, a trace of his old grin on his face, but then Castiel was there, standing beside him and radiating worry, and he had to ignore Sammy's slack-jawed, comical shock.
He smiled against Cas as they embraced, and whispered a soft, "Thank God," as a reply, knowing how Cas would react to that. He had used up all his energy with that hug for Cas, and now he was sat back down, he thought he might fall asleep. He fumbled with the coffee cup and eventually raised it to his lips, drinking rich black ambrosial goodness down and giving him a much needed caffeine boost.
"Cas, it's alright... I just thought I was sick," Dean tried to soothe him, but his eyes darkened as he realised that Cas now knew what had done this to him. "Cas... Castiel!" he said, struggling to make the name sound strong, and not reedy and weak like he had made it before. "What is it? You know what it is, don't you? Tell me what it is, and I'll hunt it."
He shivered when Cas swore, and had to remind himself that this wasn't another dream. Sammy was there. He couldn't go getting all excited cos the angel couldn't help his potty mouth in public. So, he reigned his weary self in and said in barely more than a whisper, "I didn't link the two, Cas. Not until the last few times. And... I didn't want it to end, either."
He scooched over on his side of the booth, and patted the empty space beside him, looking hopefully up at Cas. "Sit," he said softly. He followed Castiel's gaze and grinned again, too weak to laugh now.
"Catchin' flies there, Sammy?" Dean teased.
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He snorted at Dean's comment about smooshing his face into Dean's palm for him and almost got over his shock... until Cas showed up and it all started again.
He listened to what the two were saying, feeling suddenly like the third wheel... which if he was honest, this wasn't the first time he'd felt like that when Castiel was around. It was just a little... different this time.
"You're not hunting anything the state you're in Dean" He said suddenly finding his voice when Dean said he'd hunt what ever was hurting him. He liked Castiel's idea better for once and nodded at him. "Let Cas deal with this one Dean, not like he's not got the power to take on pretty much anything... you can't even eat your breakfast, how you gonna kill something powerful enough to fuck with your dreams... something powerful enough, if I'm getting this right, to fuck with Cas too. I mean" He looked at Cas now, "You were, you were actually in the dreams weren't you?" He wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer to that... not after the moans he'd heard coming from Dean at night... Jesus He thought to himself, this was all to much to take in. He was gonna need a shit load of therapy if he survived long enough.
He felt suddenly like he was a part of a very private conversation and shifted uncomfortably in his seat when Dean and Cas were telling each other that neither of them had wanted the dreams to end. He just sat with his mouth open in shock again and looked anywhere but at the two of them.
His jaw snapped shut when Dean teased him and he looked at Cas when he said his name and then back at Dean. "Dude you're gonna need to give me some time with this yeah?" He said as he looked at Dean, his eyes trying to tell him that he was trying to understand but... he needed more time.
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Castiel listened to Dean and his anger grew at himself for not fighting harder against the dreams, he'd knowing something wasn't right. He'd known that anything who could pull him from anywhere on earth could only be doing it for evil. What other reason would anything that powerful want with Dean's dreams. He balled his hands in fists after removing them from the table and pressed them into his thighs. He was trying to keep his anger in check, no need to be breaking electronics and causing rain storms because he was angry with himself.
He looked at Sam as he beat Cas to answering Dean's idea of him hunting the succubus. He nodded firmly and turned back to Dean. "Sam's right, I will do this Dean, please trust me and do as I ask... just this once?" He smirked slightly at the memory of a conversation they'd once had about how Dean always seemed to do the exact opposite of what Castiel had asked him. "It's a succubus Dean, nothing else would do this, or have the power to do it either. They are fallen angels Dean, they were plunged into hell with Lucifer, and this one, this one has the power to push me around. Sam's right, she must be very powerful. I will do this Dean..." He stopped and studied Dean's face to see if he was getting through to him.
"Let me save you..." He murmured. He smiled and took a seat beside Dean in the both, he slid in and pressed his side warmly against Dean, he couldn't stop himself. Couldn't leave any space between them. He didn't care what anyone else said or thought. He moved a hand under the both to squeeze Dean's thigh above his knee gently. His eyes locked onto Dean's and he whispered earnestly. "Please Dean?" He had wanted to say angel, to use the pet name he'd given Dean that second night. He held it back though because he didn't want to embarrass Dean in front of Sam and he wasn't sure if the name would be something Dean would be comfortable when it wasn't just the two of them.
He turned to give Sam a smile. "Thank you" was all he said, and he meant it. He knew that what Sam had said to Dean just then had been as close to acceptance as they could expect right now, and he knew it would mean a lot to Dean, so it meant a lot to him also.
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Dean shook his head at Sam, putting all the energy he had into making it look authoritative and firm. "No... whatever sonofabitch is behind this is getting its ass handed to it, by me, and Cas. It dicked with both of us, and it chose the wrong guys to dick with." He tried to look intimidating, and realised he probably just looked sleepy, so he gave it a rest. He leaned against Cas, not trusting himself not to pass out peacefully if he leaned against the plush padding of the booth.
He hesitated, noticing the horror on Sammy's face as it dawned on him just who had been making Dean act like a teenager in his sleep. "Well, if it gets me when I'm sleeping, I'll just have to make sure I either don't sleep, or I go to sleep armed," Dean said as cheerfully as he could. Not sleeping? Piece of cake! He could do that. His eyelids felt heavy as he leaned against his angel, so to distract himself he struggled to sit up. "Bacon?" Dean offered to Cas, pointing at the barely touched plate of food Sammy had insisted on ordering for him. It was better than sitting there, trying to stay awake.
He hated being this weak. Really hated it. It made him feel very vulnerable, and with an icy shiver he realised that this was probably the goal of whatever had been putting the whammy on him in his sleep. To get him weak, to make him unable to defend himself. He was suddenly desperate to know what was behind it all, and Castiel's insistence that he let him take care of it tore his resolve in two.
"A succubus?" Dean asked, his jaw dropping and making him mimic Sammy's comical expression. "Some she-devil bitch has been getting me while I'm sleeping?" He wanted to take a long shower. A hot one. Involving bleach and a wire brush. He doubted he would ever feel clean again. A succubus... and she had tainted the beautiful dreams he had shared with Cas. "Son of a bitch!" Dean swore.
"It's powerful enough to fuck you around, too, prec- Cas," he said, stopping himself from using the petname in front of Sam. Sam seemed to be struggling with the fact that he and Cas were an item right now. Petnames might just send him screaming from the diner. "It could hurt you if it wanted to. I'm not takin' that chance." His resolve crumbled completely when Cas slid closer to him, squeezed his leg softly and said please in such a sweet voice. Their closeness filled him with happiness, and he closed his eyes softly and rested his head on the angel's shoulder.
"Give that bitch hell from me, precious," he whispered against Castiel's ear, grateful that Sam was too busy looking like he wanted to go freak out in the general direction of the door to pay attention to what he was saying to Cas. He would give him his freak out time. He had needed it in the beginning, so he'd give Sam the same courtesy. "Sure thing, Sammy," Dean said.
He relaxed against Cas and said quietly, "I'm so god-damn tired all the time..." He could feel himself slipping into sleep, and he tried to fight it. He didn't want that succubus digging her claws into his already weakened flesh once more.
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Sam was feeling more and more like he was seeing something private that he shouldn't be a part of. It wasn't that he held anything against his brother and Cas, he was just still trying to process it all. Because, come on! It was Dean... ultra macho, love em and leave em, chick magnet Dean, and he was in love... like really in love. Sam could see that in every moment when Dean's eyes looked at Cas. That in itself would have been cause for a raised eyebrow and some serious ribbing (if Dean had been running on all cylinders).
However, that wasn't the most of it, as Sam sat and watched the two opposite him, unable to look away but really, really wishing he could. Dean 'busty Asian beauties' was in love with a man... Ok well an angel, but a male angel, in a man's body. And you know, Sam was ok with that if Dean was, he had nothing against gay people. It was just... it was just a shock is all, and it would take him a while to really believe it, and he wasn't sure he'd ever truly understand it. He would however accept it, accept them. Hell he'd spent the better part of last year fucking a Demon. He couldn't exactly judge, and one thing was for sure, male or not, Cas was a damned sight better than a demon. Even Sam would admit that. Cas was an angel after all, and he had saved Dean from hell, and then rebelled against heaven...
It was like a light went on in his head and that little act of Castiel's finally made more sense. "You.. This is why you rebelled isn't it" He asked Cas suddenly with a wide eyed look that was somewhere between shock and revelation. "You, you said it was all for Dean in the hospital with Bobby... I just didn't think..." His voice drifted off and he glanced at Dean before turning his head and looking out the window resolutely. Cas was talking to Dean now and Dean was arguing that Sam was wrong (as usual) and that he and Cas would hunt the thing together.
Sam felt a tinge of hurt at that, why not Dean and Sam hunting it? A little voice in his head said as his jaw clenched slightly. He was distracted however at the way Castiel was talking to Dean, he'd never heard Cas be so gently and it shocked him more than anything had yet. Even Cas swearing hadn't been that shocking. Cas was pleading with Dean, gently asking him not to try to hunt this thing and Sam felt a little of his prejudice toward the angel lift. Anyone who cared that much for his brother was ok in his books.
Dean's head was resting languidly against Cas' shoulder, the two were pressed close together and looked so comfortable with the nearness that it seemed almost natural. Sam took a sip of coffee and almost choked on it again. Dean's concern for the angel had caught him by surprise and he felt like a punching bag for shock right now. He tried desperately to block out the rest of what the two where saying, and he managed for the most part, but he couldn't stop himself over hearing the end of a quiet whisper...
He blinked and stared straight out the window... What had Dean just called Cas? HOLY FUCK his brain screamed again as he eyed the door and thought seriously about running. He couldn't do much more than nod at Cas when the angel looked at him and said thank you. His mouth had failed to function again.
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Castiel felt Dean lean in closer to him and felt the weight of the man as Dean struggled to hold himself up, to stay awake. A wave of worry flooded him as his eyes landed on Dean's face with soft concern. He very gently laced an arm behind Dean's body in the booth and wrapped him up in it carefully, making sure Dean was cradled in his arm, head resting against Cas' shoulder like it belonged there. He couldn't stop himself from leaning in and pressing his cheek to the top of Dean's head briefly before he turned to look at Sam. Satisfied Dean was comfortable.
"Yes" was all he said in answer to Sam's question, he gave the young man a small smile and just watched him for a moment as Sam turned to stare out the window. Castiel could see it was only his love and concern for Dean that had kept him seated in his booth.
He turned back to Dean, and for a moment he thought Dean was going to try to argue again, say he wanted to go with Cas to hunt this thing. However Dean gave in in the end and the way he did it made everything in Castiel shiver. The quiet whisper, the way he called him precious. It was all Castiel could do not to kiss Dean right then. He did however let the stupidly happy grin he often got when he was around Dean these days spread across his face for a moment before replying.
"I will be fine Dean I promise you, she will not be able to harm me, not while I am awake." He said softly just for Dean, and gave the arm around Dean's waist a gently squeeze. He smiled and just watched Dean for a moment. Their faces were so close Cas could feel Dean's warm breath on his chin and it made his heart race. He couldn't help what he did next, it was almost like reflex and it just felt natural. He lent down gently and pressed his lips softly to Dean's forehead. Kissing him for a moment before turning and laying his cheek on his head again.
"I will angel, she wont know what's hit her. No body hurts you, not on my watch" he whispered quietly. He didn't care if Sam heard anymore. He was with Dean and that was all that mattered. He could fell Dean struggling to stay away, it had been the reason the man had offered Castiel some of his food. Cas knew they had to do something to get Dean some sleep, without having him dream. He thought maybe he could help him, make sure he didn't dream, control his sleep. He had that power and he would do it if needed.
He reached over, nudging Dean awake as he did and took a piece of bacon off the plate with a grin. He'd never eaten anything... unless Dean counted. If however, it would amuse Dean, maybe make him smile, keep him awake a little longer, then he was willing to try it. "What's it taste like?" He asked a little nervously as he eyed the bacon before glancing back at Dean. And then he took a bite and chewed. He wasn't sure if he liked it or not, it was too salty and it almost seemed to burn his taste buds. But he swallowed it anyway and took another bite.
"You need to sleep Dean", he turned to Sam, "I can help him sleep unless you know a better way? He needs to not dream, I can control his sleep the same way she is doing if.." He turned to look at Dean again "..you let me, if you trust me too. Otherwise," he turned back to Sam, "we will need to find another way, do you know anything that could help Sam?"
Castiel wanted Dean to let him help him in this way, he wanted to wrap Dean in his arms and watch over him as he made sure he could sleep without dreaming. He wasn't sure if Dean was ready for that level of intimacy outside of the dreams yet though, so he had to ask, and see if Sam had any ideas.
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Part two
Split into two because of the length. Sorry kiddies.