God's away on business - A Dean Winchester/ Crowley slash fic AU - Chapter 2/?

Nov 09, 2014 21:25

AN - So it has been a VERY long time since I posted any fiction here, and I have no idea if anyone still comes around. If you do or are new and just stumbled upon this story! Welcome. And thank you for Reading.

This is going to be a Dean/Crowley Slash fic, with Sam/Castiel on the side. It is completely AU, Dean is a mechanic and Crowley is a defense attorney. It is loosely based of Pride and the Prejudice, and I mean very loosely! It is being written by me and doubledgedsword And will be updated regularly as we finish chapters!

I know these pairings aren't for everyone, but if you give the Dean/Crowley a shot, you might be pleasantly surprised, we know we were, we are hardcore Dean/Cas girls and still love them completely. But we were blown away by just how well Dean and Crowley can work together! So join us and give it a shot on this epic adventure.

Rating: This Chapter PG, NC17 in later chapters!


~:~

Castiel Novak was sitting on the couch, an apple in one hand and a book in the other. He took a bite of his apple happily as he read Pride and Prejudice for perhaps the sixth time. What could he say, he was a sucker for Mister Darcy, and he found the whole thing hopelessly romantic. And Cas was nothing if he wasn't a hopeless romantic. Not that he had any romance in his life, far from it. He was doomed to always be alone, he was sure of it.

You see, not only was he gay, he was in the closet, socially awkward, shy and worst of all, he had had a crush on his best friends kid brother for years and couldn't bring himself to ever do anything about it. So yes, he was destined to be alone. It's okay though, he'd accepted it. And as such he read a lot of romance novels, good and bad, he didn't care as long as they had a happy ending.

He looked up when he heard footsteps on the stairs up to their small apartment and he looked up as Dean pushed his way in the door, raising an eyebrow at the look on his friends face and asked conversationally. "Bad Day?"

~:~

By the time Dean got home that evening, he was fuming. Not only had he had to put up with that suit guy - Crowley, that was his name - but Bobby had torn him a new one in his office when he got back with cold burgers and fries, and two busted up cars. He could cope with yelling and general nastiness. His father had seen to that one, but the one thing he couldn't handle was someone being disappointed in him.

Bobby had sure as hell been disappointed.

He had spent his afternoon chasing up parts for the Lexus, and figured he'd have to duct tape his baby together and wait until Crowley's car was fixed before he could even think about getting the parts she'd need. Once he had worked out the cost, even after calling in favours and promising half a dozen more, Dean estimated that he'd be living on ramen for at least two months.

Once he got into the apartment, he stomped over to the couch and flopped onto it, laying his head on Castiel's lap. They had been friends since they were kids, and Dean needed a little comfort right now.

"Could say that!" He grumped, rolling onto his back and looking up at his dorky best friend. "I hit a fucking Lexus."

~:~

Cas moved so he was sitting with his legs crossed so he could support his friends head a little better and put down his apple and book. Smiling down at him with questioning eyes, his hand automatically went to Dean's hair and he petted him gently, trying to sooth his bad mood.

"What happened?" He asked softly, eyes sparkling a little with humour, because his friend was very cute when he was grumpy, which didn't happen that often. "And what did Lexus do? Is it a personal wrong? Or something they have done through proxy?" He asked, gathering all the details would be essential if he were to learn who to focus his wrath on. Perhaps it was not Lexus who was at fault after all, or perhaps it was. He wasn't to know without the facts!

Continues to run his fingers through Dean's hair as he looked down at his best friend, tilting his head and his eyes grow a little more serious. "You're really upset about this, Dean, what happened?" He asked, tone quiet and worried, because he hadn't realised at first that something really bad had actually happened. "Wait, did you say you hit a lexus? Are you okay? Is your car...?" he knew that if Dean had ruined his car he'd be a mess for weeks, months maybe, and he hoped to goodness that wasn't what happened.

~:~

Dean let himself relax on Castiel's lap, closing his eyes while he just enjoyed the feeling of his friend's hand on his hair. Something about Cas was just so soothing to be around, despite all his awkward ways.

Dean spluttered, opening his eyes to fix Cas with an incredulous look. "Lexus ain't a person, Cas! It's a type of car - a fucking expensive one, too." He covered his eyes with his hands and groaned. He had forgotten how clueless his best friend could be at times - especially when it came to cars. Cas couldn't tell a Hyundai from a Porsche!

He clenched his jaw, not wanting to talk about how much damage he had done to his baby. He also didn't want to talk about how he had spent quite some time apologising to the Impala, promising he'd fix her up as soon as that bastard Crowley's car was out of the garage and out of his life. Cas didn't need to know how insane he really was.

"Baby will live, but her front end is being held together with a whole mess of duct tape," he growled out, resting his hands on his stomach. "The other car belongs to this complete jerk called Crowley. I had to promise him I'd fix his car free of charge so he wouldn't call the cops."

He met Castiel's gaze and said more quietly, "And you remember what happened last time ... they'd take my licence away this time."

~:~

Castiel looked down at his friend and nodded sadly. Dean it seemed, had had a terrible day, and now Cas had to help make him feel better. He was good at that, at least he thought he was. Dean often said he was, so here's hoping it really was the case. He just had to figure out the right angle.

"You promised to pay for his car repairs?" He asked, his tone worried, because he knew how little Dean had, he gave most of what he earned to his mother to help with his brother's education, to make sure Sam was able to go to college next year after he left highschool, he had been doing it for years, ever since he started working for Bobby when he was sixteen.

"Dean, you can't afford that." Cas pointed out helpfully, and sighed. "I will help you, I'll pay the rent for the next few months okay. And don't even try to argue."

His manner was firm and he wouldn't let Dean say no to this. Castiel came from a wealthy family, and though he didn't dip into his bank account often, he could at least do this. He knew if he simply offered to give Dean the money for the man's car, his friend wouldn't take it. This though, this he could get away with... he thought.

"Are you hungry? I can cook." He offered, after all, he was a good cook, great actually, though he was better at baking, being that he was a baker... you know, he baked, as a job. He needed to work on the English skills of his internal monologue, clearly it was lacking. But yes, he was a baker.

~:~

Dean nodded his head, and groaned again. "I just fucking screwed myself six ways to Sunday, didn't I?" he asked, the realisation of just how bad this situation was hitting him like a dump truck. Sure, he may have avoided the law, but as a result he had left himself with barely enough money to afford food for the next few months. His stomach grumbled at the mere thought of having to go without pie.

Now he thought about it, maybe letting the cops take his license would have been a better option.

"I know I can't," he agreed in a small voice. He sat upright, staring at Cas in shock. "I can't ask you to do that, Cas!"

He always hated handouts. Maybe it was just his stubborn pride, or maybe it was because it meant having to rely on others. Regardless of his personal feelings, he recognised that look in Castiel's eyes. It was pointless to debate this.

He sighed, and said, "I'll pay you back, okay? Once I've paid for all the parts, I'll work out paying you back."

He rubbed his temple, feeling beyond stressed right now. "I'm starving," he admitted. He hadn't eaten his lunch earlier, not after the stern words Bobby had for him left his stomach feeling oddly queasy. "What's it gonna be tonight? Instant ramen, or grilled cheese?" He was merely teasing. Castiel's cooking was legendary, even better than his Mom's. Not that he'd ever admit that out loud, of course.

~:~

"You're not asking, I'm telling you, I'm doing it, end of story." He told his friend firmly and then rolled his eyes. It was pointless to argue with him about being paid back, he simply wouldn't take the money when the time came, or if need be, he'd give it to Sam to give to Mrs Winchester without Dean knowing, damn stubborn, prideful bastard that his friend could be.

"I have no doubt Dean, now quit worrying, and get changed, we're going out, I need to get some groceries and your ass is helping me carry them home." He said as he went into the kitchen to survey what they currently had, which was not all that much, he may have been a good cook, but he was lazy when it came to keeping the kitchen stocked.

"I could make a grilled cheese that would make you weak at the knees." Called to his friend with a grin, "So don't be knocking the grilled cheese!" Added with a chuckle, making a quick list of what they'd need, before heading back to the lounge room and asking to the apartment at large, not sure where Dean was at the moment, though he assumed his room.

"Ready to go?"

~:~

Dean clenched his jaw, wanting to argue that he couldn't accept that much money from anyone, let alone his best friend, but he could see there was really no point. Cas could be every bit as stubborn as he was, but at least he had the bank account to back up his offer, unlike Dean. He lived paycheck to paycheck, and any sick days could mean the difference between paying his rent and bills on time, or stretching whatever leftovers he had for as long as possible.

"Okay, just don't say anything when you see the mess my baby's in," he ordered, and made his way to his room to change out of his dirty work clothes. Nothing he owned could be called new. His mom had taught him to sew when he was still a kid, and he had managed to make three pairs of jeans last him almost six years thanks to her. They may have been ragged around the hems, and running to threadbare on the ass, but he couldn't justify buying anything new for himself. Not when Sammy needed a new laptop, and Dean had been scrimping and saving to be able to afford one for him.

He snorted with laughter as he pulled on a clean t-shirt and jeans, and wandered back out to the lounge area. "And don't I know it!" he said, winking at his friend. "Don't think I've ever had a grilled cheese as good as yours in my life."

He clapped his arm around Castiel's shoulders, and led him to the door. "Come on, let's get your skinny ass to the store."

~:~

Cas laughed as Dean wandered back in and shook his head. "And don't ever forget it. I feed you, that way you'll always come home." He said with a wink at his friend, only half joking. He didn't have many friends, most people couldn't get used to his personality, but Dean and him had been friends from the moment they'd met, Dean had rescued him from a bunch of bullies when they were in grade school and it had been friendship at first sight.

He often wondered how he'd not falling for Dean, he knew he loved him, he decided a few years ago that it must be because as far as both men were concerned they were brothers. Blood be damned. So before you get it in your head that he was probably lying to himself and actually in love with his best friend, just know he's not, that's not the story being told. Okay, good.

He nodded as he opened the door and added "I'm not that skinny asshat. I'm just delicate." He demanded as he led the way down the stairs. "And you're not one to talk, you need to eat more." He accused.

"I keep telling you to drop by the bakery in the mornings, and you never do, you wretch!"

He stopped dead when they got to the foot path and frowned, staring at the Impala and then turning to Dean, pulling him into a tight hug. "I'm sorry sweetie, we'll get her fixed okay, I promise." He whispered softly. He knew this must be really upsetting Dean.

"Let me help okay? Please, I want to, it can be a birthday present, or Christmas, both, just let me help. I know you're saving to buy Sam a laptop, you can't afford both." He looked at his friend carefully, watching his face for any hint that his friend was going to give in.

~:~

Dean chuckled, and shook his head fondly. "Bullshit. I'll always come home to my bestie!" he said, giving Cas a one-armed hug. He meant it, too. Cas was the family he had chosen for himself, and one of only four people he felt he could really trust and rely on. He could confide anything in Cas, anything at all.

It burned a little that Cas still hadn't officially come out to him. Dean had known for years, and maybe he had always known that Cas was gay. The trouble was that he never said it out loud. It tore him up inside, because he wanted to see his best friend happy with someone who'd treat him right.

"Yeah, you're a delicate, precious little flower," Dean teased, ruffling Castiel's hair.

He patted his flat belly and said proudly, "And spoil this girlish figure? Screw that!" His jocular tone belied just how hungry he really was. Dean had the appetite of an average elephant, but he also had the budget of a church mouse. So what if the waistband on his jeans was a couple of inches too big? As long as he wore a belt, nobody noticed. Nobody but Cas.

Once they reached the car park, Dean took one look at his car and felt like crying. She was a sorry sight, all patched up with duct tape. "My poor baby ... " he muttered, and clasped one arm around Cas, returning his hug half heartedly.

"Cas, no," Dean said firmly. "You've already offered to help me out with rent, I can't let you shell out for my car, too. Besides ... the tape should hold her together. Long as the weather holds, it won't be an issue, yeah?"

~:~

Castiel gave Dean a suddenly harsh look and let him go, more than a little annoyed. "What is the point of having money if I can't even help the one person I actually care about out when he needs it most?" He asked with an angry lilt to his tone. "I know you're to proud to ask Dean, but it wouldn't kill you to just let those who love you take care of you sometimes."

Dean did nothing but take care of those around him, and he left very little time for himself. He had never had a serious relationship that Cas had seen, he didn't eat nearly enough, he worked too much, and he never ever bought himself nice things. The last new shirt the man had gotten was one Castiel had bought him for Christmas two years ago, and he'd had to promise he'd not buy the man clothes again. Apparently Dean found it 'weird'.

"And you don't eat enough." He snapped, annoyed and a little hurt. "You can stop me paying for the car, but you can't stop me feeding you!" He practically shouts in his determination, his eyes dangerously focused. "And if you don't eat what I make you, I will cry!" He threatens, because he knew Dean hated when he cried. He did it rarely in any real sense, but when he did, Dean was a mess trying to stop it or fix it.

"Isn't Sam meant to be staying over this weekend? He'll agree with me! He'll say you should let me pay for it." And yes, he was dirty enough to use Dean's little brother against him.

~:~

Dean's eyes widened in shock. Having Castiel snap at him was a bit like being savaged by a harmless little bunny. Apparently this bunny was more like the beast of Caerbannog, and Dean was more than a little taken aback.

"Cas ..." he said his name soothingly, hoping to stave off another round of anger, but he was too late. Cas launched into another tirade about how Dean didn't take care of himself properly. He could handle it all. It was nothing he hadn't heard a million times before. Bobby had said it, his Mom, Sam, and now it was Castiel's turn. This time, however, Cas had an ace up his sleeve - tears.

His arms flailed in distress, and he clutched his friend's arm, green eyes wide and panicked. "No, don't cry! Please, don't cry! You can cram food into me until my stomach bursts, just don't cry!"

Tears were the one thing he could never handle. Just the sight of them made him crumble, and he'd do anything to make them go away.

"You son of a bitch ... " he growled out. "Tears, and threats of Sammy? Alright, fine - you win! But you shouldn't have to pay for my stupidity, okay? I was the one dumb enough to speed, and I should pay for it." He added nervously, "But I'll totally let you pay, as long as you don't cry at me."

~:~

He took a breath and settled down a little when Dean finally gives in. He knew the tears and Sammy were a low blow but he was not going to lose this battle. Not this time. "Good!" He nodded firmly. "What good is it, putting up with my stupid father if I can't spend his money on you Dean!"

He let go of Dean and headed to the passenger side, opening the door and climbing in. "So who was this guy anyway, the one who is making you pay for repairs on his stupid car?" He asked as the took off toward the shops. He figured talking about the car accident was safer than asking again if Sam was still staying over this weekend. Castiel really had to learn to stop asking about Sam or Dean was going to realise one day, things that Castiel would very much rather his best friend never found out about.

"Also, my father invited me to Anna's wedding next month. He is demanding I bring a date. He is also demanding I marry soon and give him and Mother grandkids." He informed Dean, scrunching up his nose in distaste and sighing heavily. "I don't even know any girls to take, and I don't want to get married, or have children!"

~:~

Dean rolled his eyes fondly, and walked to the driver's side, trailing his hand along the bonnet of his car. He murmured, "It's okay, baby. Uncle Cas is going to fix you up, promise." He slid into the driver's seat, pretending he hadn't just spoken to his car.

He fastened his seat belt and turned to look at Cas. "I dunno. Some slick wearing a suit. Called himself Crowley," he explained. He was curious about the guy, mostly because he had only given him one name, and Dean wasn't sure if it was his family name, or his Christian name. He wasn't even sure what this guy did for a living, but whatever it was, Dean could recognise wealth when he saw it, especially when it was flaunted the way Crowley did.

That was why he liked Cas so much. The guy came from a wealthy family, but he acted like a regular jack-off. He didn't walk around in fancy tailored suits or drive a ridiculously expensive car.

"And he's not making me. I offered to do it, as long as he didn't get the cops involved," he said, wanting to clear that up. Dean didn't like being forced into anything, and this whole mess of a situation was his own fault.

He started up the car and pulled out of their parking lot, heading for the grocery store at a safe, legal speed. He had learned his lesson this time around.

He glanced at Cas, and said, "Jeeze, I didn't realise the wedding was so soon!" He had only met Anna once. She seemed nice, from what Dean could tell from such a brief meeting. "Well tell you what, we'll dress Sammy up as a girl and let you take him, huh?" he teased.

He wasn't blind. He had seen the way Cas blushed whenever Sam was around. If it was anyone else crushing on his brother, he'd have been mad as hell, but he could trust Cas. It also appealed to the sappy side of him, because if Cas and Sam started dating, it would mean Cas might end up as an official part of his family some day.

~:~

Cas nodded his head as he looked out the window of the car, watching the streets pass by, it wasn't a long drive to the grocery store but he enjoyed it none the less, he always had liked driving around with Dean.

"Well he still shouldn't have let you pay for the repairs, if he drives a Lexus then he has enough money to pay himself." He pointed out, because in his head that was the way the world should work, even if he knew, sadly, that it wasn't even close to being the way things often turned out.

"Just don't let him take advantage of you Dean." Cas warned, he had seen his dad do it to so many people who he deemed below his family, and the idea of it hurt him immensely when it was Dean who might be on the receiving end of it.

He was just about to ask what needed to be done to the man's lexus when Dean suggested he dress Sam up as a girl for Anna's wedding and Castiel almost choked on his own tongue, blushing scarlet and he looked determinedly out the window, refusing to give Dean the satisfaction.

"I highly doubt Sam would agree to that Dean." He finally manages to mutter. And he clears his throat. "And unless Sam can some how have babies, I doubt it would be enough to satisfy my father."

His father was very religious, originally from the south, he was a republican through and through and that included his views on gays, abortions and gun laws. All of which Castiel strongly disagreed with him on. The closest he'd come to rebelling however, was to declare one Christmas, after too much eggnog, that he was in fact a Democrat. His father had slapped him across the face and thrown him out. He'd told him not to come back in the house until he'd changed his mind.

Considering it had been snowing and Cas had no coat on, or gloves, it had not taken him long to decide that he was fine with his father thinking he was a republican, after all, he the man couldn't see who he voted for come election day.

~:~

Dean shrugged his shoulders.

"I know that, he knows that, and you know that," he said. "But we also know that life's a bitch, don't we? Besides ... I can't afford to lose my license. Mom and Sammy rely on me being able to drive."

He huffed out in irritation, remembering what Crowley had said to him earlier. If he had been more of an asshole, Dean was sure he would have taken advantage of the situation a whole lot worse than he did. Not that the way he acted didn't make him enough of a jerk as it was.

"Trust me, Cas. It'll be three days, maybe a week, and I'll never have to see the son of a bitch again," Dean said, firmly believing in his words.

He risked a glance at Cas, and ended up bursting out laughing at just how red he had turned. "Oh, holy shit - you're like a tomato!" he snorted, shaking his head. If Cas got to use Sammy as a weapon against him, Dean would do it right back whenever he could.

"I dunno, Sam's pretty girly," he teased. "He could be hiding a vagina for all I know!"

Dean shook his head, and said quietly, "He's eighteen, buddy. Just ask him out already."

~:~

He looked at Dean as they pulled up to the shop, he was going to reply when Dean told him to just ask Sam out and his jaw dropped, he was gob smacked and embarrassed and terrified and he floundered for a moment desperately before doing the one thing that he could think of.

He clenched his jaw, glaring at Dean, and said very firmly. "I'm not gay." And then got out of the car and all but ran into the shop, needing to put some space between them. Because he was not ready to have this conversation, not with anyone, not even Dean, especially not Dean. Because he knew Dean would tell him it was fine, that being gay was okay and that he didn't judge him. But it wasn't okay, and it wasn't fine and he would be judged, by god, at the end of days, he would be judged and sent to hell. Castiel did not want to go to hell. He was named after an angel for goodness sake! So were all his brothers and sisters.

So no, he was not gay, he couldn't be gay! He couldn't fight it in his own head, but he certainly couldn't tell anyone in reality, because as long as it was only in his head, it wasn't a sin yet. He hadn't done anything wrong.

He took up a shopping cart and started down the closest isle, not even looking at what he was passing, every now and then he'd throw something that he thought he might vaguely need into the cart.

~:~

The panic in his best friend's face was obvious. Dean wondered was it because he had been caught out, or because he was still in denial, or maybe it was because he didn't want to admit that he had a thing for his best friend's brother.

"Cas, seriously?" Dean demanded, but before he could get further than that, the other man had sprinted into the grocery store, leaving him confused and frustrated. He sighed, and got out of the car, locking it before making his way after Cas.

It didn't take him long to find Cas, wandering through the aisles and tossing items haphazardly into the cart. He took one look at the contents, and shook his head. Apparently he was on auto-pilot, and Cas on auto-pilot was dumber than a bag of wet mice.

He approached his friend, draping an arm around his shoulders. "Buddy, I know you said you were going to cook, but I'm kinda confused what you're planning on making with sriracha and a mango." He gave him a knowing look, and sighed.

"Look, pretend I didn't say anything, okay?" he suggested. He wouldn't take it back, and he sure as hell wouldn't apologise, but he could do what he did best in these situations - and that was to ignore the problem.

~:~

It took Castiel a moment to register what Dean was saying once his friend caught up with him and he tilted his head to look at the continence of his cart. He shrugged a little and studied the mango. "Perhaps a nice mango salsa and chicken dish." He murmured, more to himself, thinking about what he could actually make with hot chilli sauce and mango, it actually wasn't that terrible of a flavour combination, now he thought about it. The marshmallows he'd picked up somewhere were more perplexing though and no matter what he tried he couldn't find a way to tie them to the meal. Until his brain kicked in a little and pointed out he could use them for a desert.

He glanced at Dean, and nodded firmly. "I like to pretend." He said in a very small voice, and that was that, he would say nothing more on the matter. Because he couldn't, he really just couldn't.

"Is there anything you feel like eating Dean?" He asked, and watched as a very pretty young lady pushed a cart past him, her eyes only glancing at him before getting locked on Dean. He sighed, even if he wanted to play at being straight, what chance did he have of finding a girl who was interested in him anyway?

~:~

Dean bit his lip, trying not to snigger. Cas probably could make an amazing dish out of the contents of the cart, just to prove to Dean that he wasn't throwing random shit into it. He was just that talented a cook! He turned his head, pecking Castiel's cheek. "You're an idiot," he said fondly.

His smile faded, and he found himself hurting like hell. Cas could always fix his problems, and now Dean couldn't fix this for him.

"Cas, can I ask you something?" Dean asked, and without waiting for confirmation from his friend, he went on to his next question. "You know I'm bi, right? You gonna tell me there's something wrong with that?"

He ignored the girl checking him out. Right now, all he cared about was helping his bestie through this crisis. As nice as it would be to actually have a date, he had way too much to worry about right now without adding romance into the equation.

He rolled his eyes, and said, "I dunno, that mango salsa and chicken sounds pretty good."

~:~

Castiel stopped dead in the isle, turning over what Dean had just said in his head and then he turned an looked up at his friend. "You've never dated a man." He pointed out, because he wasn't sure if Dean was just trying to make him feel better or if he was telling the truth.

He took a deep breath and frowned. "It is a sin Dean." He whispered softly, he hated that he couldn't shake what had been indoctrinated into him since birth, by his father, his mother, his sister, most of his brothers, all but one actually. And he hated now that he couldn't tell Dean how he felt, or support Dean in his choices, though he would never hate Dean the way his family would if they found out. He couldn't, not ever. He also couldn't believe that it made him a bad person, with evil in his heart and the mark of the devil on his soul. In fact Castiel had trouble believing a lot of what his parents preached at him. And yet he couldn't throw it off either. And it tore at him.

"Chicken and Mango salsa it is then." He decided, throwing some brown rice into the cart and heading for the fresh produce section to pick up the chicken and vegetables he'd need.

"I would never tell you there's something wrong with who you are Dean. I love you. You know that." he whispered softly, not wanting to have this conversation at all, let along in a grocery store. But he had to let his best friend know that he didn't judge him, even if god would do one day.

"But I will pray for your soul. I don't want you to end up in hell Dean, you're too good of a person for a place like that." He added sadly.

~:~

Dean gave Cas a bitch face worthy of his brother.

"Remember that night I went out drinking and didn't come home?" he asked, raising his eyebrows meaningfully. Just because it hadn't been a date didn't mean it didn't count. One night stands apparently didn't factor into Castiel's innocent little brain.

Dean flinched. Those words coming from his best friend's mouth felt like poison. "That's not you talking, Cas, it's your father," Dean insisted. His own father had been very homophobic, and he recognised the language. All that talk of it being "sinful" and "evil" just made his stomach churn in revulsion.

"It's funny how even animals have same-sex relationships, but only humans try to drag God into the bedroom," he remarked, not wanting to badmouth his friend's religion, but at the same time he felt a real need to defend himself.

Dean continued the rest of their shopping in stony silence, not wanting to believe he just heard his sweet friend say those things. The urge to go knock the crap out of Castiel's dad was unbelievable, but he thought maybe he'd be better off having a quiet word with Gabriel, Castiel's older brother. He never seemed to give a fuck about anybody's rules, and maybe he could talk some sense into him.

~:~

He knew he'd upset Dean and it tore him up inside, he felt like crying but he kept it all inside, he was good at that, he'd become used to it by now. Keeping everything secret and safe, like a one way mirror, he could see out at the world but the world couldn't see into him. It was his only real defensive mechanism. He rarely needed it around Dean, but tonight, tonight he crawled inside carefully and his face went blank and... safe.

"I've got everything i need Dean. Shall we go home?" He asked as he pushed the cart to the check out and watched quietly as the lady scanned his purchases and put them into brown paper bags, he frowned, he had meant to bring his canvas bags, but he'd forgot, too worried about feeding Dean and making sure his friend was okay.

"Thank you." He said politely as he handed over the money for the food and gave the woman a fake smile, taking the two bags of food and heading for the door of the shop.

"Anna has told me I'm not welcome at her wedding without a date. I don't know what to do." He said sadly as he reached the car and looked at Dean helplessly. "I may have to ask Michael if he knows anyone from church who would go as my date." His face is blank, safe behind his one way mirror, but he was miserable, most of all, because he knew he'd upset Dean, and probably hurt him, when he was meant to be helping him.

~:~

Dean wordlessly took the two bags of shopping from Cas. If the guy insisted on paying for their food, he'd insist on carrying it for him. He remained silent until they got outside, when he turned to face Cas, his expression grim.

"Could set you up with my friend Charlie. She's a redhead, real pretty. But don't worry, she's a lesbian. She won't hit on you," he said. He was livid that Castiel's family were forcing their values on his best friend, and as a result, he was too afraid to admit who he was. Dean was hurt that Cas thought he was sinful for being bi, but it didn't hurt nearly as much as knowing his bestie was suffering.

He shifted the two bags of food to his left arm, and pulled his car keys out of his pocket. With an awkward bit of shimmying, he managed to unlock the car and open the door without dropping anything.

"Cas, you remember the time I told my dad to go fuck himself with a cactus the last time he got drunk? I reckon you need to tell your dad the same thing. I know your family is important to you, but if they're that toxic and cruel that you can't admit who you are, you need to break away from them."

~:~

Castiel grumbled as Dean took the bags, he was more than able to carry them. Still he knew it was no use arguing and simply slid into the passenger seat when Dean unlocked the car.

He thought about what Dean was saying, and he knew, he knew his best friend was right. That the hatred his father spouted was disgusting and vile and needed to end with him. And yet he was scared, terrified in fact of breaking away from his family. Of coming out, of being who he knew inside that he was. And he simply wasn't strong enough.

"Things are fine the way they are Dean. Can you just leave it be. Please?" He begged quietly, as he watched the world go by the window on their way back to their home. Cas lost in thought, wondering if he should take Dean up on his offer of being set up with his friend, at least if she was also gay he wouldn't have to try and be... suave or whatever Gabriel had told him was needed to woo women.

As they arrived home, he got out and took the bags of groceries before Dean could beat him too it, and headed up stairs and into the house. He was in the kitchen, already unpacking when Dean finally caught up and he gave him a bashful look, his eyes showing just how sorry he was about laying his problems on Dean.

"I am sorry Dean, you don't need my baggage tonight." He muttered as he began to cut up the chicken, keeping busy and when he cuts his finger, he hisses and puts down the knife with a sigh, moving to the sink and running the cut under water.

"How long have you known?" He whispered softly as he watches his own blood running down the drain, it was a shallow cut but it was bleeding rather a bit.

~:~

Dean deposited the paper bags in the back seat and started the drive home, letting Cas think about his suggestion while he drove. When his friend finally spoke, it made Dean sigh. Maybe he was pushing him too hard.

"Okay, okay ..." he said. "I'll drop it, but one of these days, you and me need to have a long and serious talk, you got it?"

While he was okay with leaving the conversation for tonight, Dean was by no means going to let the topic drop permanently. He needed to help his friend out, no matter what.

When they pulled up at their apartment block, Cas took the opportunity to take the bags and hurry off inside while Dean was locking up the car. He rolled his eyes, and made his way into the apartment, dropping his keys on the coffee table before he walked into the kitchen.

He frowned, and was about to scold his friend for not wanting to confide in him when he accidentally cut his finger.

"Jesus, Cas!" Dean exclaimed, and grabbed the first aid kit while Cas cleaned the injury.

"Since we were teenagers, Cas," he replied, rummaging through the kit for a band aid and some disinfectant. "As for your baggage, what's the point in me being your best friend if you can't talk to me when you need to?"

Once he had the bandaid ready, he said firmly to Cas, "Show me your hand. I hope you won't need stitches."

~:~

Cas sighed as turned off the water, looking at the small cut on his finger and shook his head, turning to Dean and looking at him.

"It's fine Dean, it's just a small cut, I'll be fine." He assured him as he let Dean put the bandaid on his finger. Watching the man carefully wrap it around the wound.

"Thank you Dean." He told him, once it was done and he sighed looking at Dean with sad eyes.

"I'm not ready yet Dean. I don't know if I ever will be. Please try to understand." He muttered, hanging his head before moving back to the chicken to finish cutting it up, before moving on to the vegies and putting on the wok and a pot of water to cook the rice.

"Dinner won't be far off." He told his friend and looked over his shoulder at him. He gave him a weak smile as he mixed the mango and chilli sauce, as well as some diced onion, herbs, salt, pepper, finely chopped chilli and some lime juice.

"I think I will talk with Michael. I need to do what's right." He decided, nodding to himself more than anyone else. Because lying to everyone, and himself was far less frightening than doing what he actually wanted was.

~:~

Dean scoffed, and carefully applied the bandaid to Castiel's finger. "You need to be more careful, buddy," he scolded. He put the first aid kit away, and let Cas get back to cooking.

"I understand that your family has you so fucking scared that you don't want to come out, and that's okay. But don't lie to yourself, and sure as hell don't lie to me, got it?" he said, hoping that at the very least, his friend would have the courage to be honest with him.

"Okay, I'll set the table," Dean said, pulling out plates for their meal. The smell of the food was making his stomach rumble loudly. "That smells freaking amazing, Cas!" he remarked, patting his belly.

He turned around, looking shocked. "With Michael? You sure that's a good idea? Maybe you should talk to Gabriel first."

~:~

Castiel drained the rice and shook his head. "No, Michael will be more likely to know a nice girl who will go to the wedding with me, maybe I can ask him to help me find an actual girlfriend. It is about time. I need to stop putting it off." He told Dean as he dished up the dinner. He sounded absolutely miserable, but determined.

~:~

((Story this way!))




slash fic, sam/castiel, spn, dean/crowley, au

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