Crying Over You - Part 1/?
Title: Crying over you - Part 1/?
Author: kimisgirl
Pairing: Castiel/Balthazar
Disclaimer: I dont own any thing and nothing owns me!
Rating: M for mature themes
Warnings: AU, Slash, Angst, Character death (and revival), fluff, happy ending (when we finally get there)
Summary: What he did wrong, what he did right and what he'd give anything to change, will Balthazar get a second chance or is this really the end of it all.
Castiel... that was the only sound tumbling around inside his otherwise silent mind. He'd never heard silence like this, Balthazar was normally so loud, even inside his own head. He was a showman after all. Full of excess and opulence. Now though... well now was different. Now he didn't know what he was, hell he wasn't even sure he actually was. No really, all he saw was darkness, that even he couldn't work his way through.
Well he was dead after all he finally decided after what could have been seconds or months. He really couldn't tell.
All he could tell was that the one angel he'd always respected, and actually liked, had been the one to kill him. Guess he should of seen it coming. Castiel had always been too smart for his own good, it's what made him disobey in the first place. Smart soldiers are never a good idea. They ask too many questions. So in hind sight double crossing his friend... probably not the smartest idea.
But really, how do you sit back and allow the only person other than yourself that you actually give a damn about turn himself into a nuke and become what you know will end up destroying him? Answer... you don't, you do what you need too to stop it... and yes, Balthazar knew he'd been a coward now. But truthly as much as he cared about Cassy. He had always been supremely selfish. And once again he'd put himself before anyone. This time though, it had backfired dreadfully.
Oh the irony...
On the bright side, this current situation, and level of awareness told the angel that it wasn't all said and done yet, something of him still existed though he wasn't really how that helped him right now. As he didn't even appear to have a form or any sort. As much as he could tell he was simply just... nothingness. It was disconcerting even for an angel as old as him.
Years, millennium even, Balthazar floated around the dark space he was in, with nothing to do but think, grow emotionally as insidious as he thought that sounded, and contemplate over what he could do differently.
All this ended in him deciding finally that if he ever got out of here he would do things differently. He would find a way to go back and fix the mess he was partially responsible for. He would not be a selfish coward ever again... not where Castiel was concerned, because the most valuable lesson this time had taught him was that it wasn't just loyalty and friendship that had him enthralled with Castiel, it was love. A love as old as time, deep and unyielding. It was the reason that he was so... pissed when Castiel fell, when he chose his human pets over his fellow angels... over him. It was why he'd taken the weapons, why he'd gone on the run. He wanted to forget his past, drown himself in sex, drugs and rock n roll. It had worked... until his damn brother had dropped in to say hi anyway. Of course he'd never been able to truly refuse Castiel.
As can be seen by the whole damn mess that followed...
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
TBC
Author: kimisgirl
Pairing: Castiel/Balthazar
Disclaimer: I dont own any thing and nothing owns me!
Rating: M for mature themes
Warnings: AU, Slash, Angst, Character death (and revival), fluff, happy ending (when we finally get there)
Summary: What he did wrong, what he did right and what he'd give anything to change, will Balthazar get a second chance or is this really the end of it all.
Castiel... that was the only sound tumbling around inside his otherwise silent mind. He'd never heard silence like this, Balthazar was normally so loud, even inside his own head. He was a showman after all. Full of excess and opulence. Now though... well now was different. Now he didn't know what he was, hell he wasn't even sure he actually was. No really, all he saw was darkness, that even he couldn't work his way through.
Well he was dead after all he finally decided after what could have been seconds or months. He really couldn't tell.
All he could tell was that the one angel he'd always respected, and actually liked, had been the one to kill him. Guess he should of seen it coming. Castiel had always been too smart for his own good, it's what made him disobey in the first place. Smart soldiers are never a good idea. They ask too many questions. So in hind sight double crossing his friend... probably not the smartest idea.
But really, how do you sit back and allow the only person other than yourself that you actually give a damn about turn himself into a nuke and become what you know will end up destroying him? Answer... you don't, you do what you need too to stop it... and yes, Balthazar knew he'd been a coward now. But truthly as much as he cared about Cassy. He had always been supremely selfish. And once again he'd put himself before anyone. This time though, it had backfired dreadfully.
Oh the irony...
On the bright side, this current situation, and level of awareness told the angel that it wasn't all said and done yet, something of him still existed though he wasn't really how that helped him right now. As he didn't even appear to have a form or any sort. As much as he could tell he was simply just... nothingness. It was disconcerting even for an angel as old as him.
Years, millennium even, Balthazar floated around the dark space he was in, with nothing to do but think, grow emotionally as insidious as he thought that sounded, and contemplate over what he could do differently.
All this ended in him deciding finally that if he ever got out of here he would do things differently. He would find a way to go back and fix the mess he was partially responsible for. He would not be a selfish coward ever again... not where Castiel was concerned, because the most valuable lesson this time had taught him was that it wasn't just loyalty and friendship that had him enthralled with Castiel, it was love. A love as old as time, deep and unyielding. It was the reason that he was so... pissed when Castiel fell, when he chose his human pets over his fellow angels... over him. It was why he'd taken the weapons, why he'd gone on the run. He wanted to forget his past, drown himself in sex, drugs and rock n roll. It had worked... until his damn brother had dropped in to say hi anyway. Of course he'd never been able to truly refuse Castiel.
As can be seen by the whole damn mess that followed...
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
TBC