i dont even know why i decided to post it. ha whatever.

[kimbothebimbo23]

i hate eating. food is the last thing that is ever on my mind and if i could i would just stop eating all together. i weigh myself a million times a day. sip of my drink. run to the scale. bite of food. run to the scale. its not because i think im fat, its because i have no other way to release my emotions. no one really cares to listen, no matter what they say. and i mean i could cry to myself night after night but hey, what good does crying do? makes me want to do it all over again. what exactly am i talking about? any meal i eat at home... goes down the toilet. i dont even have to stick my hand in my mouth. nope, ive got the gagging downpack. id do it at work but its not exactly a quiet ordeal. cant do it in public. why? the only time im in public im with a friend. and i couldnt give a shit what any of them have to say about it but i dont want to hear them bitch. hell i dont care what any of you reading this have to say about it. i dont even know why im writing it in here. i suppose because fewer people have LJ than they do myspace. and anyone on myspace might run their mouth to my mother. she couldnt stop me, but im not going to the doctor either. fuck that. i mean, i could easily run that blade across my wrist.... but i have a fear of knives, and death. i could go out and do hardcore drugs but shits too expensive. i dont have that kind of money. i cant even afford weed right now, and again, im not aiming to die. this is the most releasing thing i can find to do. and cheapest. you know whats even more amazing? ha the way i look at myself after ive completed my task. brush my teeth and look into that mirror, looking into my own eyes. to be 100% honest thats one time i find myself the prettiest. isnt that completely odd? oh well. . im completely ridiculous. and again i cant believe im putting this in my fucking LJ. so maybe i lied in the beginning. maybe i wouldnt completely stop eating, because then i couldnt get the pleasure out of looking at myself and being content with my face and body for those few seconds. and if i cant throw up, i just dont eat. thats the cheaper way out. but i cant do that on days i have to go to work.... ha i might pass out. oh wait!! i did the other day :)) im surprised i dont look like nicole richy or however you spell her last name. but damn.... 85 pounds? whew i could never. its funny how little anyone pays attention. lose fifteen to twenty pounds in a month and people dont notice. but whatever.

i knew no one really cared. apparently God doesnt even care because ive been this low for a long time, and i dont see myself coming up anytime soon.

but im alright with that. fuck it all. forreal.

and dont Goddamn call me bulimic. because this isnt a problem. its a choice. i know exactly what im doing and i can stop whenever i feel like it. so dont fucking label me.