OH ME OH MY.
Stop? Keep going? Stop? Keep going? -Ooofta-, thats all I have to say. Sitting here sipping on coffee, eyes half open its 1pm and I'm tired as if it was 4am. Although i went to bed at 4am.. Could be why. I have been thinking about some things this morning. I'm happy. Although lately I keep getting some what depressed. Its my unstable, old self trying to suck me back in, cause that was my 'easy' point in my life. Or so it seemed easy, cause i didnt have to think, But really those points in my life havnt really helped with me trying to be a stronger, better, matured woman. They have helped me experiance a lot of life, I've gained more knowlage. Even if I had to the hard way. But I have experianced more then most my age would probably want to. I'm 18 now, not old at all, i know. But Legally I'm adult like. I don't feel any where near like an adult. But being a nanny has helped with that, I have some one to take care of during some parts of the day. And I can't be a bad influence. I have to entertain someone other then my self through out the day. I like it though. I have a new family. I have realized, from rachel, that you can choose your own family just like you can choose anything else in your life. They have taken me in and its awesome, i relate to people, truely not just one person, but its kind of like a family yeah. And i've moved on from the hurtful painful things i never thought id get over, and now its like a clean new slate where i am genuinly happy and genuinly don't care any more. Oh life really is such a game and there are so many short cuts that if u hit the ladder u get lucky and can jump ahead, or if you take the easy way out you get the snakes and fall all the way back from the top. just cause of one measily mistake. Or pure luck, it can be very unfair, yes. its quite the game let me tell you... and right now I'm doing pretty damn good at it. I have become a more honest person and changed the flaws that needed to be changed. I'm like a new person, but the same. I am just really my self now. And it feels awesome.