Dazed and Confused....
So I have been having a pretty good break the weather was nice at first then it got all shitty and rainy and that just makes everything so depressing.. so thats not good. but yesterday I went and visited a college in portland and its really small but it was really fun! Im still trying to make up my mind on the whole college thing so thats stressing me out alot... but then I dont know lindsey is mad at me again!! and it sucks! this is our senior year and she always freakin talks about how she doesnt want drama cuz we dont have much time left before collge but then she is the one that is always mad at me or someone else and I just dont get it! why cant she just be freakin normal then I called her last night and she said she would call me today to talk abotu things and she hasnt even called! how RUUDE! :(
But at least I've got other wonderful friends! but then there is somthing there too and it might just totally be me because I already have really low self asteem so I always am afraid that like lenita or brin are mad or annoyed of me... which that might sound weird but like sometimes brin is really quiet and doesnt talk to me to much so Im always afraid Im on her nerves but I might be wrong... And then last night she was really upset about something and I didnt know how to help her and I feel like if I give her advice or tell her what I think its going to be bad advice so I try to just listen to her and be there for her... but then when I just sit there and listen I feel like she is wondering why im not giving advice or what not... I dont know Im a worry wort and it seems like I am always worrying about somthing no matter what... tell me if Im crazy!
So today brin and lenord went up to have lunch with lenitas sister carmen and I stayed home and went shopping with my mom... it was some good bonding time because we have not been getting along to well latey... we went to the GAP and I got two totally adorable hats! and this coat that goes with one of the hats and then this cute button up shirt that goes with the other... I cant wait to where them to school! Im going to look hott! haha jk
Then there is the stuff with Jakob... we are totally talkin again which is awesome and he calls me and stuff but we arent back together... I always just want to ask him " so whats going on between us now.." but Idont want to rush him or anything because I am the one who fucked up our relationship.. so Im just hoping sometime he will tell me he wants to be back together.. he freakin just needs to make up his mind I hate waiting but I will wait for him.... PS those or you who know who he is... he got his hair cut and OH MY GOD can you say HOTT! and he looks older... thats a plus! so anyways.... I also might be hangin out with him... that or with the girlies!
Also while Im on a venting roll.... it has been SO long since I have gotten ass! haha sorry! and since I have even kissed jake.... man thats gonna be nice when it happens!!
So now I am going to go to work sometime with in the next 45 minutes and work till close... woopdi do! but sorry this update has been all venting I just needed to get all that out!
I LOVE EVERYONE AND I HOPE YOU GUYS ARE HAVING A GOOD SPRING BREAK!
But at least I've got other wonderful friends! but then there is somthing there too and it might just totally be me because I already have really low self asteem so I always am afraid that like lenita or brin are mad or annoyed of me... which that might sound weird but like sometimes brin is really quiet and doesnt talk to me to much so Im always afraid Im on her nerves but I might be wrong... And then last night she was really upset about something and I didnt know how to help her and I feel like if I give her advice or tell her what I think its going to be bad advice so I try to just listen to her and be there for her... but then when I just sit there and listen I feel like she is wondering why im not giving advice or what not... I dont know Im a worry wort and it seems like I am always worrying about somthing no matter what... tell me if Im crazy!
So today brin and lenord went up to have lunch with lenitas sister carmen and I stayed home and went shopping with my mom... it was some good bonding time because we have not been getting along to well latey... we went to the GAP and I got two totally adorable hats! and this coat that goes with one of the hats and then this cute button up shirt that goes with the other... I cant wait to where them to school! Im going to look hott! haha jk
Then there is the stuff with Jakob... we are totally talkin again which is awesome and he calls me and stuff but we arent back together... I always just want to ask him " so whats going on between us now.." but Idont want to rush him or anything because I am the one who fucked up our relationship.. so Im just hoping sometime he will tell me he wants to be back together.. he freakin just needs to make up his mind I hate waiting but I will wait for him.... PS those or you who know who he is... he got his hair cut and OH MY GOD can you say HOTT! and he looks older... thats a plus! so anyways.... I also might be hangin out with him... that or with the girlies!
Also while Im on a venting roll.... it has been SO long since I have gotten ass! haha sorry! and since I have even kissed jake.... man thats gonna be nice when it happens!!
So now I am going to go to work sometime with in the next 45 minutes and work till close... woopdi do! but sorry this update has been all venting I just needed to get all that out!
I LOVE EVERYONE AND I HOPE YOU GUYS ARE HAVING A GOOD SPRING BREAK!