Hair, loosely

Apr 19, 2009 10:46

Body hair. It's been around since Stonehenge. However, hair on the body has little function in a modern world. It's superfluous. Yet body hair will not sod off. There are a variety of methods for its temporary removal, such as shaving, plucking, waxing, bleaching, sanding and scalping. There's also electrolysis, which sounds like a techno band with a skin condition.

Pubic hair was designed in the early ADs in order to keep the bits warm. Those born before the advent of pubic hair concealed their modesties under a loin cloth. Pubic hair was designed curly, and its curliness endures. Curly pubic hair works best. It puts a fun spin on the genitals, which always look so deadpan.

I first shaved my legs in 1990. It was a school night. When trying something new, I like to learn by experience instead of asking for guidance or reading the instructions. But trial and error can be a fool's errand. My debut leg-shave played out like a cross between an advert for Gillette, and the closing scenes of Sweeney Todd. Under searingly hot running water, a razor hack is relatively painless. Also, the resultant blood flow takes a moment or two to emerge, at which point it will gush, dripping down legs en route to the airing cupboard for a frantic, sweaty-palmed towel grab. There was blood on the carpet. My sister opened the bathroom door and went instantly, silently pallid.

I'd Edward Scissorhandsed myself. There are still two scars on my right shin. Thank Christ self-harm never appealed, I'd've carved off a limb.

Hair wasn't always made out of hair. Medusa's hair was made out of snakes as she was big into World of Warcraft.
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