… but it’s over now …
Ok I’m listing to Roxette … “musta been love …”. I love this song. It makes me cry like such a helplessly romantic little bitch. I feel like I’ve been kicked in the gut and forced to watch romantic 80′s comedies (ok you wouldn’t really have to force me).
There is that feeling I used to feel constantly as a little girl. I used to watch Pretty Woman or some nonsense movie but feel that huge overly dramatic sense that love could be that special. Love can over-come every thing! Love it all that matters. I must not have felt very loved as a child because instead of wanting to get married and have a family as a little girl, I thought all that was flawed. I wanted just a lover … some one fantastic that would transport my body any where … take me away on a cloud of ecstacy. Some one who would stimulate my brain and make my body feel like the most beautiful thing ever.
Yeah, then I fucking grew up! I was so idealistic about love/romance/sex. I really thought I could find some one that would stimulate my mind with music and poetry. I thought I would find some one to play me Fleetwood Mac songs and read me Anais Nin stories … massage my feet and kiss the palms of my hands. I really believed in bliss but what I’ve ended up w/ the last few times is … no intimacy, bad sex, no mental stimulation and totally no sexual stimulation. I feel like an alien … ugly and misunderstood.
Ok well I’m totally bummed because I am such a hopeless idiot of romance … so childlike. Reality sucks but what sucks more is no matter how many times my spirit gets crushed, I hold a little private place in my heart where I keep on dreaming. I’m like the spirits in FFX … I keep dreaming and in my dreams there is another world that is much more satisfying.
Well better get to making dinner and hanging out w/ Big Stank. He understands me and he makes me feel hopeful. That’s what I love about my friends, Eva, Big Stank, Llamafaerie, PoetPalladin … and I could go on. I gotta go, my civic duty.
- k
Mirrored from "The Misadventures of Kimby".