life as i know it
well the year is coming to a close, and i don't think that i will ever forget that past month as long as i live. it was certainly not the way i or anybody else would have chosen to start the holiday season and end the year. when something like that happens, no matter how many degrees you are separated from the person, you are still affected. the whole thing just consumes your mind and emotions until you find someway to bring closure to it. for me, that closure was me going to my first funeral ever in my entire life. it was a very eerie feeling, and in some ways it had a very "the big chill" feel to it, except we didn't get to romanticize terrible tragedy that had occured, and the people that i spent most of my high school years with were not dancing around a kitching to "ain't to proud to beg". but it did in some twisted sense serve as a mini reunion for a bunch of us. it was an experience that i hope to hell that i will never have to go through for a long long time. for as much closure as it did bring, the thought of death is still looming about me, and the weight of the whole thing still has not gone away. i still believe very much that at the next outting that the "gang" is at, she will be there. i keep expecting to hear about the latest weekly drama she managed to entangle herself in. but if anything this whole thing has definitely made me realize just how petty people in general can be. when you think you've got it bad, think about someone who truly believes that they are utterly alone everyday and there is no coming back from whatever ghosts haunt them, and that the only way to make it stop, is to make their life stop. if anything good can come from death, it's the fact that it will make you think. think about who you are and if the things that you think are important are really important. i've really thought a lot and written a lot, although not for the public to see, and it's just drained me. and the funny thing is, i am quite removed from the situation, yet i am amazed at the depth that this whole thing has affected me. i would not wish this kind of extreme emotional roller coaster on anyone.
ok well enough about that, onto cheerier things.
since the holiday season has begun, so has the round of christmas parties, my bf's company's parties in particular. we've already been to one, and that didn't roll over so well. the night started out fine, and then i got extremely tired b/c i didn't get to rest b/t work and the party, and i only had one martini, which will increase my sleepiness/grumpiness ten fold. it didn't help that the person that i was trying to talk to at the dinner table had the personality of a wet mop. but this upcoming party, should be a lot more fun. i get to dress up really nice, formal gown nice, and stay in a nice hotel, grand hyatt in buckhead nice hotel. unlimited free food and unlimited free booze. can't beat that at all.
only a couple of more weeks until winter vacation starts, and finally the biggest perk of working for the gwinnett county school system will pay off: vacation starts dec 22 and ends jan 3. i've got all my presents planned, except for one. the one person that should be the easiest to shop for is turning into my christmas shopping mount everest. i've outdone myself each year that we've been together, that i've just outdown myself, and i have nowhere to go without selling my kidneys. it doesn't help that i refuse to step inside a mall to do any of my shopping. i'm determined to do it all online. the one friend that i have that enjoys shopping during any season of the year is out in the middle of nowhere so i'm left with nothing. so internet it is. then after christmas, a much needed trip to tampa to see amber! yay!
things are going decent in the love department. it's hard when he's gone 5 days out of the week, and i have to play tug of war with football season for his attention. but football season is soon over, and he promised that this saturday was my whole day to do whatever i wanted to do! i like those days! :)
ok well enough about that, onto cheerier things.
since the holiday season has begun, so has the round of christmas parties, my bf's company's parties in particular. we've already been to one, and that didn't roll over so well. the night started out fine, and then i got extremely tired b/c i didn't get to rest b/t work and the party, and i only had one martini, which will increase my sleepiness/grumpiness ten fold. it didn't help that the person that i was trying to talk to at the dinner table had the personality of a wet mop. but this upcoming party, should be a lot more fun. i get to dress up really nice, formal gown nice, and stay in a nice hotel, grand hyatt in buckhead nice hotel. unlimited free food and unlimited free booze. can't beat that at all.
only a couple of more weeks until winter vacation starts, and finally the biggest perk of working for the gwinnett county school system will pay off: vacation starts dec 22 and ends jan 3. i've got all my presents planned, except for one. the one person that should be the easiest to shop for is turning into my christmas shopping mount everest. i've outdone myself each year that we've been together, that i've just outdown myself, and i have nowhere to go without selling my kidneys. it doesn't help that i refuse to step inside a mall to do any of my shopping. i'm determined to do it all online. the one friend that i have that enjoys shopping during any season of the year is out in the middle of nowhere so i'm left with nothing. so internet it is. then after christmas, a much needed trip to tampa to see amber! yay!
things are going decent in the love department. it's hard when he's gone 5 days out of the week, and i have to play tug of war with football season for his attention. but football season is soon over, and he promised that this saturday was my whole day to do whatever i wanted to do! i like those days! :)