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i think im gonna have another breakdown. i guess its more of and anxiety attack. when you feel useless and want to cry and feel as though you deserve nothing. I think its b/c ive been sick and havent been out in the world. it all just gets to me in one big lump clump. i literally have to talk myself out of it. i know it sounds weird, but its like for 3 days i cant find time to go on....and then all is better and im okay. i know its sound absurd. im absurd sometimes. we have to be.
-sometimes i look at things like.. damn i only hae like 60 yrs left. and i think thats not alot of time. its enough time for me to watch everyone around me die, then myself. well and have a couple of kids to keep things going. but eriously 60 yrs is not that long. it seems just like yesterday i was so happy to be turning 10. and i was so excited to be in the double digits. and the wierd thing is i remeber thinking "i dont want to be old" and its not that its the wrinkles or anything i think its just that, its like a time crunch where you have to do all this shit and its literally do or die. especially if your like me and you tell yourself that ur gonna do something ie such as an resoulution only to fail at it b/c you dont really try. _or_ it might be that i just view time in this aweful thing b/c im unhappy. and maybe somehow if i get happy time will be slower and i will look forward to things. im unsure on this.
-trisha i think i have the wrong phone number for you or your just ignoring me. i have called you, sent you text. and nothing. well i get a random call from someone the other day.. and it was you but my phone didnt store the number b/c it didnt reconigize the number. ... so i need to get this straighten out... i need ur number. we need to do something. cracker barrel is normal/not normal. i guess its usual. its like hell but with a twist of zesty lemons. ...that burn your eyes. cheryl is not longer there. she transfered to the new store as abunch of other peeps. we have new peep/and yea. there new. well thats it for now. ill update later.
-sometimes i look at things like.. damn i only hae like 60 yrs left. and i think thats not alot of time. its enough time for me to watch everyone around me die, then myself. well and have a couple of kids to keep things going. but eriously 60 yrs is not that long. it seems just like yesterday i was so happy to be turning 10. and i was so excited to be in the double digits. and the wierd thing is i remeber thinking "i dont want to be old" and its not that its the wrinkles or anything i think its just that, its like a time crunch where you have to do all this shit and its literally do or die. especially if your like me and you tell yourself that ur gonna do something ie such as an resoulution only to fail at it b/c you dont really try. _or_ it might be that i just view time in this aweful thing b/c im unhappy. and maybe somehow if i get happy time will be slower and i will look forward to things. im unsure on this.
-trisha i think i have the wrong phone number for you or your just ignoring me. i have called you, sent you text. and nothing. well i get a random call from someone the other day.. and it was you but my phone didnt store the number b/c it didnt reconigize the number. ... so i need to get this straighten out... i need ur number. we need to do something. cracker barrel is normal/not normal. i guess its usual. its like hell but with a twist of zesty lemons. ...that burn your eyes. cheryl is not longer there. she transfered to the new store as abunch of other peeps. we have new peep/and yea. there new. well thats it for now. ill update later.