(no subject)
Gary here again. It's been so long since Kim typed anything I thought I'd take a turn. She wants to write but can't seem to be able to think of anything to say. She's not too sure what's OK to say and what's not. I've been here trying to find some way to make her open up. She's so stoic, and strong, but inside it eats her up. She really opened up today to her mom and her husband, and stuck up for herself to both of them. I was proud of her, even though she felt guilty. It seems like everyone thinks she should be responsible for them, find their belongings, run errands for them, take care of all the paperwork, for both households, when there are like four other people and two of them are doing absolutely nothing most of the time.
Lately Kim isn't feeling well, and she finally said, "look, I just don't feel like being nagged, about every little detail of your life, while I totally neglect my own. I just can't go on like this." She told her mom that for every single problem mom has we have 15 and putting mom's stuff as top priority was running her way behind... she doesn't mind doing the stuff but being nagged daily till it is done, is really really annoying so she is forced to put her mom's non urgent business ahead of her own, necessities, just to maintain peace of mind...
The straw that broke the cammel's back so to speak was that her mom got her licence tag renewal card on Monday. Her mom called and claimed she didn't even understand what it was. But she didn't even read the back of the letter, and had really barely looked at it. Jane is not stupid, and she's much more organized than Kim. Honestly Kim stays a basket case on the inside, and she lives with things her mom wouldn't put up with for a minute, simply because everyone else makes so many demands, that she can't get anything done for herself.
Kim patiently listed to Jane read the notice, then explained that they would have to get both cars inspected, and then mail off the form... etc. and that on her schedule it would take a few weeks, but that wasn't a problem, because they usually sent those a month or two ahead. Her mom balked and wanted it done this week. She was very insistant, and then she called repeatedly today and yesterday concerning wanting this done, and when could Kim do it. When Kim finally told her how she felt Jane said she could get her own car inspected. DUH!!! I mean why does Kim have to go with her, and hold her hand for her to get a car inspected? Her mom used to get her own car inspected for years! Now since she's a widow she just expects someone to do every darned thing for her.
This wanting things done immediately is common for Jane. She just has to have it her way right freaking now or else she nags and hounds several times a day till she gets it. When Kim told her how she felt, Jane said she was just making conversation! That she didn't intend to nag at all, and had accepted everything Kim said, except that she wanted it done soon. Jezzz... that was the whole point. Kim is trying to keep her sanity. Her mom is scared to do anything, and she mentioned that someone commented when she was putting groceries in the car. "Just look at that poor old woman trying to put groceries in the car by herself." Probably not true, and at any rate just attempting to push guilt off on Kim for not being with her. Kim cannot accompany her mom on every single errand, nor would it be good for Jane if she did. She's not a poor old woman, she's 74, and we know women in their 80's who feel perfectly competent to go to the grocery store and don't act pathetic about it at all.
Kim's husband used to be the same way, always expecting Kim to handle everything, but he's been dropping Kim some slack lately because he knows she's showing signs of loosing it. Her mom just kicks in the spurs harder, and her solution to "I'm having a hard time mom, I need to rest, and I don't feel well," is calling three or four times a day to see if Kim's feeling better. This makes Kim a thousand times worse.
I never liked Jane, and Jane never liked me. She was always a snob, and acted like she was better than everybody else... especially me. She is no fun, has no sense of humor, and she tends to be very self righteous. She always made her husband do everything for her, and now since he's gone, she's expecting Kim to be her constant source of everything. Kim's tired, she's stressed, and she's trying to figure out how to support the family on her weekend job. Jane has money and occasionally she doles out a little, but she really doesn't begin to cover the expense of time and effort and stress she puts on her. Kim was at the end of her rope and she did speak her mind. Kim now feels guilty. She didn't say anything bad... at least not to her mom, only that she didn't know exactly when she could go, and she was tired of being pinned down about it. Now she did say some mean stuff to her husband, but only because he was infering she was stupid for not knowing where a certain document was that came in the mail five years ago... and blaming her for it being lost. IDK where it is either, but he should keep up with his own darned paperwork.
IDK I have had it with everyone blaming and guilting Kim. She has a guilt complex as it is, and rather than lay off, these people know how to use it, in order to manipulate her... but at what price. Kim is about to shut down, if they don't stop. She's dangerously close to a breakdown, and they just keep pushing. She can't take much more. She never gets a day off from her mom, who calls every single day. She never gets even an hour off from her husband, and her kids are very self sufficient. She feels she's neglected them, and she may have a little because of her parents always being sick, and her mom not being able to be the least bit self sufficent.
Lately Kim isn't feeling well, and she finally said, "look, I just don't feel like being nagged, about every little detail of your life, while I totally neglect my own. I just can't go on like this." She told her mom that for every single problem mom has we have 15 and putting mom's stuff as top priority was running her way behind... she doesn't mind doing the stuff but being nagged daily till it is done, is really really annoying so she is forced to put her mom's non urgent business ahead of her own, necessities, just to maintain peace of mind...
The straw that broke the cammel's back so to speak was that her mom got her licence tag renewal card on Monday. Her mom called and claimed she didn't even understand what it was. But she didn't even read the back of the letter, and had really barely looked at it. Jane is not stupid, and she's much more organized than Kim. Honestly Kim stays a basket case on the inside, and she lives with things her mom wouldn't put up with for a minute, simply because everyone else makes so many demands, that she can't get anything done for herself.
Kim patiently listed to Jane read the notice, then explained that they would have to get both cars inspected, and then mail off the form... etc. and that on her schedule it would take a few weeks, but that wasn't a problem, because they usually sent those a month or two ahead. Her mom balked and wanted it done this week. She was very insistant, and then she called repeatedly today and yesterday concerning wanting this done, and when could Kim do it. When Kim finally told her how she felt Jane said she could get her own car inspected. DUH!!! I mean why does Kim have to go with her, and hold her hand for her to get a car inspected? Her mom used to get her own car inspected for years! Now since she's a widow she just expects someone to do every darned thing for her.
This wanting things done immediately is common for Jane. She just has to have it her way right freaking now or else she nags and hounds several times a day till she gets it. When Kim told her how she felt, Jane said she was just making conversation! That she didn't intend to nag at all, and had accepted everything Kim said, except that she wanted it done soon. Jezzz... that was the whole point. Kim is trying to keep her sanity. Her mom is scared to do anything, and she mentioned that someone commented when she was putting groceries in the car. "Just look at that poor old woman trying to put groceries in the car by herself." Probably not true, and at any rate just attempting to push guilt off on Kim for not being with her. Kim cannot accompany her mom on every single errand, nor would it be good for Jane if she did. She's not a poor old woman, she's 74, and we know women in their 80's who feel perfectly competent to go to the grocery store and don't act pathetic about it at all.
Kim's husband used to be the same way, always expecting Kim to handle everything, but he's been dropping Kim some slack lately because he knows she's showing signs of loosing it. Her mom just kicks in the spurs harder, and her solution to "I'm having a hard time mom, I need to rest, and I don't feel well," is calling three or four times a day to see if Kim's feeling better. This makes Kim a thousand times worse.
I never liked Jane, and Jane never liked me. She was always a snob, and acted like she was better than everybody else... especially me. She is no fun, has no sense of humor, and she tends to be very self righteous. She always made her husband do everything for her, and now since he's gone, she's expecting Kim to be her constant source of everything. Kim's tired, she's stressed, and she's trying to figure out how to support the family on her weekend job. Jane has money and occasionally she doles out a little, but she really doesn't begin to cover the expense of time and effort and stress she puts on her. Kim was at the end of her rope and she did speak her mind. Kim now feels guilty. She didn't say anything bad... at least not to her mom, only that she didn't know exactly when she could go, and she was tired of being pinned down about it. Now she did say some mean stuff to her husband, but only because he was infering she was stupid for not knowing where a certain document was that came in the mail five years ago... and blaming her for it being lost. IDK where it is either, but he should keep up with his own darned paperwork.
IDK I have had it with everyone blaming and guilting Kim. She has a guilt complex as it is, and rather than lay off, these people know how to use it, in order to manipulate her... but at what price. Kim is about to shut down, if they don't stop. She's dangerously close to a breakdown, and they just keep pushing. She can't take much more. She never gets a day off from her mom, who calls every single day. She never gets even an hour off from her husband, and her kids are very self sufficient. She feels she's neglected them, and she may have a little because of her parents always being sick, and her mom not being able to be the least bit self sufficent.