The Odd Couple
Fox Television premiered a reality show "More To Love," which is a "Bachelor" type competitive dating concept - but with a 'husky' hero looking for love with plus-sized women. Now I haven't seen the show at all and for all I know, it could be good, but what struck me was this: does society believe that similar people should stick together and not go outside their group, so to speak? In other words, are the producers telling us that only horizontally challenged men can date big-boned women?
I really hope not. But it does reinforce some pretty big stereotypes. There was a time when racism was like this, too. In college, I remember driving with my Caucasian boyfriend down to Hilton Head and getting stares from everyone - something we never got while living in New Jersey. We kept repeatedly bumping into an interracial couple (he was African-American, she was Caucasian) and we ended up striking up a friendship while on holiday. Why? Because in South Carolina at that time, we appeared to be the only interracial couples in a ten-mile radius of the beach.
Society - hopefully - has changed for the better now. But not much. Just because we have an African-American President doesn't mean that racism no longer exists. Now here's something. One of my best friends lives a good majority of her life in a wheelchair. I had a feeling that when we met and hit it off, that I would have to spend a great deal of time trying to defend our friendship. I was right. But it's not obvious to anyone unless you've dealt with degrees of discrimination yourself.
I think there's a purveying assumption that disabled people should only be friends with other disabled people. Any other pairing up is regarded as one-sided, at best and undeserving, at worst. It's not something I made up; it's actually something she has come across on her own before we met. There's no way one can prove to anyone else the level of friendship we have because there will always be the assumption that I must pity her, that I think she's a perfect angel, that I have a Mother Teresa complex. No. The only major difference between us is that my legs work and hers don't.
We fight on a regular basis - like sisters often do - but it's never a deal breaker. She has a right to assert herself and conversely, I don't let her get away with anything. I encourage her to put herself out there as much as she does with me. So it's very equal. People assume that she gets whatever she wants, but she rarely does. She always puts herself last. In the beginning, our misunderstandings had to do with preconceived notions on my part that had to do with past baggage regarding friendships. A miscommunication would be regarded as a manipulation. But I've learned - through our mutual care and patience with each other - that her intentions are always good. I trust that. She has never given me reason not to.
Neither one of us can quite believe that this friendship exists. And it saddens us when people don't accept it - either through consistently putting ourselves out there or at face value. I realize that it's more about the cynicism inherent in the social construct. Like attracts like. We're not supposed to be friends, to be as close as sisters would be. And I think people who are used to seeing the disabled only with the disabled and the Asian with only the Asian will always - no matter the reason - have a problem with it.
My son has autism and his best friend has autism. My hope is that one day, it won't matter - that he'll be able to make friends regardless of his setbacks or theirs. And if he never was one half of an 'odd couple,' I would hope that I could keep from becoming part of the cynicism that's in the undercurrent of our society.
I really hope not. But it does reinforce some pretty big stereotypes. There was a time when racism was like this, too. In college, I remember driving with my Caucasian boyfriend down to Hilton Head and getting stares from everyone - something we never got while living in New Jersey. We kept repeatedly bumping into an interracial couple (he was African-American, she was Caucasian) and we ended up striking up a friendship while on holiday. Why? Because in South Carolina at that time, we appeared to be the only interracial couples in a ten-mile radius of the beach.
Society - hopefully - has changed for the better now. But not much. Just because we have an African-American President doesn't mean that racism no longer exists. Now here's something. One of my best friends lives a good majority of her life in a wheelchair. I had a feeling that when we met and hit it off, that I would have to spend a great deal of time trying to defend our friendship. I was right. But it's not obvious to anyone unless you've dealt with degrees of discrimination yourself.
I think there's a purveying assumption that disabled people should only be friends with other disabled people. Any other pairing up is regarded as one-sided, at best and undeserving, at worst. It's not something I made up; it's actually something she has come across on her own before we met. There's no way one can prove to anyone else the level of friendship we have because there will always be the assumption that I must pity her, that I think she's a perfect angel, that I have a Mother Teresa complex. No. The only major difference between us is that my legs work and hers don't.
We fight on a regular basis - like sisters often do - but it's never a deal breaker. She has a right to assert herself and conversely, I don't let her get away with anything. I encourage her to put herself out there as much as she does with me. So it's very equal. People assume that she gets whatever she wants, but she rarely does. She always puts herself last. In the beginning, our misunderstandings had to do with preconceived notions on my part that had to do with past baggage regarding friendships. A miscommunication would be regarded as a manipulation. But I've learned - through our mutual care and patience with each other - that her intentions are always good. I trust that. She has never given me reason not to.
Neither one of us can quite believe that this friendship exists. And it saddens us when people don't accept it - either through consistently putting ourselves out there or at face value. I realize that it's more about the cynicism inherent in the social construct. Like attracts like. We're not supposed to be friends, to be as close as sisters would be. And I think people who are used to seeing the disabled only with the disabled and the Asian with only the Asian will always - no matter the reason - have a problem with it.
My son has autism and his best friend has autism. My hope is that one day, it won't matter - that he'll be able to make friends regardless of his setbacks or theirs. And if he never was one half of an 'odd couple,' I would hope that I could keep from becoming part of the cynicism that's in the undercurrent of our society.