(no subject)
So...I'm so emotionally unbalanced right now. I'm so excited for my best friend Korie :) But at the same time I don't want her to move. I'll be super lonely...who else will I hang out with in Cleveland???? Exactly...she is one of my only sorority sisters in the dorms and she lives right next to me. I'm going to go through withdrawals. I'm excited about being able to make it to my classes finally...but I'm still fucking things up. I hate medicine. They can shove it up their asses!!!!! GRRRRRRRRR! I got to finally sing karaoke for some of my school mates. It was pretty amazing...I loved singing Bodies and Down With the Sickness in front of them and some of my profs. Super. But I always get so down...I see all my sorority sisters and the frat guys hanging all over each other....then there's me. Sitting with all of them but I can't help thinking about my lonliness. Why do I think about that kind of shit all the time?? I know it's probably like the biggest turn off the whole lack of self confidence thing....whatev. I hate it though. I like to dress up sometimes just because it makes me feel nice but I only feel nice if people notice....is that crazy?? Like if people aren't like "Oh you look cute" then I feel like a moron because I'm wearing my new polka dot skirt when it's like 55 degrees outside. I don't understand why I need that. I shouldn't...it's not like I'm used to getting complimented...and it's different you know...yeah my best girlfriends will be like...Wow Kimmie you look hot...or cute...but it's different when it comes from someone else. I'm doing really well at hinding the fact that I'm kinda miserable. I'm a lot more giddy...and smiley....and happy....but I'm just a good actress. I think if I wasn't alone so much I wouldn't think like that. It's like how Korie said that she goes through people withdrawals...I thik I go through them too....*sigh*. I don't know. Maybe I did turn too girlie and emotional....damn this sucks lol. I don't wanna be girlie!!!!!! Whatev.
And the guy that I was talking to....whatever. He can shove all his words back up his ass because I don't need them. He always wants me to visit him on my time...but he never has the fuckin time to visit me. I don't even know why I bother with this kid...I was fine when he told me that we'd just be friends...but don't sit there and give me long sensual hugs and rub my shoulders and blow me kisses when you don't even fuckin like me like that. What a fucking assface....it's not fair to play with someone's emotions. If we're friends...lets chill like friends...don't treat me like some "oh I'm bored and I know that Kim will always be up to hang out even though I'm cranky....let's see if I can make her life miserable today." FUCK THAT!!!!!! I'm not some side show just for kicks...I'm a god damn human being with a fucked up head and it is even worse when you manually fuck with it. But he can sit there and text me all he wants because he knows that I'll always answer but if I text him...it takes for fuckin ever for him to respond and if I call him right after he texts me because I don't feel like texting all god damn night and he doesn't fucking answer than fuck that. Nothing pisses me off more when someone texts me when they're too busy to carry on a fucking conversation. FUCK THAT!!!!! STOP PISSING IN MY CHEERIOS AND FIND ANOTHER BROAD TO ANNOY! And don't tell me that you will stop by after work...and say you'll see me in a few hours and NEVER SHOW UP! JUST TELL ME THAT YOU CAN'T FROM THE START AND I WON'T WAIT UP UNTIL 2:00 IN THE GOD DAMN MORNING JUST TO SEE IF MAYBE HE'LL STICK TO HIS WORD! Ugh.....Maybe I'll just become a lesbian....or a nun....I haven't really decided which one would be better....
But on the plus side...I watched the Jungle Book last night!!! I BOUGHT IT ON DVD!!!!!!!! I was so excited when I heard it came out. I LOVE IT!!!
Peace yo!