a lot or a little, take your pick
alas, it is nearly the end of the summer. and i still sit, right here, the same place at the beginning of this summer, still confused by something that i don't quite understand, and can't quite explain.
oh it looks like the same place. but how i hope that it isn't.
so much of this lately has been what seems to be standing still, and i sincerely doubt that's what it really has been.
still there is so much.
but to all that i will just say BLEAH! BLEAH! and let us leave it at that.
on a different note, i finish work in a week. one week exactly. it really was an interesting, and a very educational experience. but i am really looking forward to getting away. and not the smallest reason is the transcribing. i may or may not have complained to you about the transcribing (listening to taped internet group sessions and writing them down word for word), but i think, after a few weeks of only doing that, it's really getting to me.
not only that, but it's so sad, what they discuss, and i don't think that i am at liberty to give any specifics or anything, but really, sad.
it has been making me think though.
(my supervisor does research on people with traumatic brain injuries, (among other things as well)).
so many questions are raised in my mind about the self. what part of me is me? if I were to be, say hit by a car tomorrow and suffer a TBI, would I be me? if I were to lose my mind, and i do not mean in the way of sanity, but in the way of intelligence, or rather, ability for higher level thinking and planning and executive decision making (whatever that means), who would i be?
it's just, an issue for me because it seems so much of the world that i have built up is based on those things, those abilities. brain things. i know i would completely fall apart if i were to lose those things, because so much of what i deem to be my identity is intertwined with them.
but have i let them become my identity? i hope not. sometimes i wish that i could give it all away and just see.
i dunno. that was just one thought.
i'm not very good at keeping a blog. maybe i shouldn't keep one.
maybe i should post about my day.
i listened to u2 today, and they were so lovely, because ohiloveu2yesido.
and also, i have painted my nails for the first time this year. and so my toes are bright red, perhaps for the first time ever, and i am rather enjoying them being bright red. they look like someone else's feet.
oh it looks like the same place. but how i hope that it isn't.
so much of this lately has been what seems to be standing still, and i sincerely doubt that's what it really has been.
still there is so much.
but to all that i will just say BLEAH! BLEAH! and let us leave it at that.
on a different note, i finish work in a week. one week exactly. it really was an interesting, and a very educational experience. but i am really looking forward to getting away. and not the smallest reason is the transcribing. i may or may not have complained to you about the transcribing (listening to taped internet group sessions and writing them down word for word), but i think, after a few weeks of only doing that, it's really getting to me.
not only that, but it's so sad, what they discuss, and i don't think that i am at liberty to give any specifics or anything, but really, sad.
it has been making me think though.
(my supervisor does research on people with traumatic brain injuries, (among other things as well)).
so many questions are raised in my mind about the self. what part of me is me? if I were to be, say hit by a car tomorrow and suffer a TBI, would I be me? if I were to lose my mind, and i do not mean in the way of sanity, but in the way of intelligence, or rather, ability for higher level thinking and planning and executive decision making (whatever that means), who would i be?
it's just, an issue for me because it seems so much of the world that i have built up is based on those things, those abilities. brain things. i know i would completely fall apart if i were to lose those things, because so much of what i deem to be my identity is intertwined with them.
but have i let them become my identity? i hope not. sometimes i wish that i could give it all away and just see.
i dunno. that was just one thought.
i'm not very good at keeping a blog. maybe i shouldn't keep one.
maybe i should post about my day.
i listened to u2 today, and they were so lovely, because ohiloveu2yesido.
and also, i have painted my nails for the first time this year. and so my toes are bright red, perhaps for the first time ever, and i am rather enjoying them being bright red. they look like someone else's feet.