(no subject)
The How's My Driving? Meme
and since I didn't know what to do with this for now, there's a random fic-like thing under cut.
The idea of "secret" letters in addition to the 89 letters Aerith wrote Zack in CC has been floating around my head for quite a while. Pretty much...since Egg mentioned the idea of someone finding the letters in the stores. |D; The idea about what the letter(s) would be kept changing. One idea was drafts of letters Aerith wrote during the four years but never sent for one reason or another. Another idea was a letter written very shortly after Zack's death. Third was a "continuing" letter, almost like a journal in some ways, of things about Cloud. It would start either the night she gave Cloud the flower or the night afterward, with details being added in at relevant plot points--Kalm, Gongaga, Nibelheim, Gold Saucer--and being wrapped up as she makes her way to the City of Ancients. (I mean, she must have caught a boat to cross the ocean, right? Free time to write.) The final idea was to simply have her start a letter on the way to the City of Ancients, before she contacts Cloud in a dream; a cross between asking for strength and just getting the jitters out. I might try the third one sometime, but what I actually did last night was that last one:
Dear Zack,
So it turns out I was wrong about not writing you anymore. This might be a long one, sorry. Hope you can find a way to focus. [...] That's what I'm trying to do right now, focus my thoughts by writing them. And I've already told you my thoughts so many times.
[...] I'm scared. Don't fret, okay? I'm a big girl. I might get scared, but I can handle it. It's just so many things have been happening. Now the fate of the world might be on my shoulders, and you know how skinny those are. But it's not something I can turn away from. It's my duty. I wonder if you know by now? If you haven't yet, you should meet my real mom, Ifalna. She's very dear to me, and she probably knows more about what I'm doing than I do.
[There's idle dotting in the next section, as though she were tapping the pen while trying to think.] I only hear her voice now. Never anyone else's after they rejoin the Planet. But I want to hear from you. When it happened--I got scared. I didn't want to believe you were dying. You were always so strong. And I didn't know what I would hear. I felt sick, and I tried so hard not to listen...
It was a little selfish. And now I don't know what you were thinking. Were you afraid? Angry? Accepting? Was there someone you wanted to go back to? Did you miss me? [Though struck out, the question is still legible.] I didn't tell your parents. I didn't know how. I promise, I'll figure it out.
I'm listening now. I'll keep my heart open. Because what matters most is my feelings for you. If I wasn't the right girl for you [there's a break in the writing here; even now she finds the thought hurtful] I'd be sad but I'd still love you. You made me so happy. And I'm going to keep being happy. Since you can't be here to see everything I'll smile for the both of us. The thing I loved most was your smile.
I think once I get there, I have to pray. I'll show everything in my heart to the Planet and ask for its help. Then it will show me the secret.
There are so many things and people in my heart right now. Tseng. I don't think he died. I hope I'm right. Cait Sith--I know he's a spy, but I want to believe he's not all bad. He must have let Marlene go by now. Elmyra will take good care of her, she always took good care of me. I think if she'd seen you again she would've clobbered you one with the broom. She'd probably scold me too if she knew what I was doing all by myself.
All by myself. Even if I'm afraid I can be strong. I've seen so many miles of sky and they're all a wonder. I feel freer than I ever have in my life--no, I am free. I'm going to make this feeling last. Once everything's done--and Cloud's better--I want to travel the Planet with him more.
...Cloud's your friend too, isn't he? He acts like you. That's part of what's wrong with him, he acts like you and a little like something fake and cold and the real him's all muddled inside. But he'll be okay. Tifa is taking care of him. I think she's known something's wrong with him for a while too. She must, they're childhood friends. Maybe [...] if I tell her about you & all those little things, and she tells me what she knows we'll have a better idea what happened to Cloud. And if we know what happened we'll be able to help it. Tifa and I make a good team when we set our minds to something. ♥ Yes, I'll have to talk to her when I get back.
But maybe Cloud will get tired of waiting for me and pull through by himself. He's made it this far, after all! he's been hurt a lot, but he's still going. I'm sure the real Cloud is amazing. Are you jealous? Maybe I'm being unfair talking to you about him. But you really shouldn't have stood me up for so long! I was bound to start looking again.
He just needs rest first. There's only so much someone can take at once. So I want to keep Cloud safe. I want to keep Tifa safe. She's a wonderful friend and I love her. I want to keep Yuffie safe, even if I do double-check my materia to make sure she's not snitching again. I want to keep Red safe, and Barret, and Cid, and Vincent, and even if Cait Sith's a robot he's still 'himself' and I don't want that getting destroyed again. I want to keep Mom safe, and Marlene. I want to protect Tseng, even if he does make rotten career choices. (What is it with all the men I know getting involved with Shinra? You're all terrible.) I don't want any of the children in the slums to get hurt.
I can protect them. I used to be scared of being different, but you never were. You were one-of-a-kind and happy about it. It's still a little scary, but it's also exciting. I feel like my life is coming together for a purpose and something somewhere north is calling, almost singing out. Now that it's closer, it feels so strong. It's calling for a bright future. I'm going to find it. Watch and see!
The boat's coming in sight of land and this is getting awfully long, so I'll stop here. Thank you, Zack. I think it's helped.
and since I didn't know what to do with this for now, there's a random fic-like thing under cut.
The idea of "secret" letters in addition to the 89 letters Aerith wrote Zack in CC has been floating around my head for quite a while. Pretty much...since Egg mentioned the idea of someone finding the letters in the stores. |D; The idea about what the letter(s) would be kept changing. One idea was drafts of letters Aerith wrote during the four years but never sent for one reason or another. Another idea was a letter written very shortly after Zack's death. Third was a "continuing" letter, almost like a journal in some ways, of things about Cloud. It would start either the night she gave Cloud the flower or the night afterward, with details being added in at relevant plot points--Kalm, Gongaga, Nibelheim, Gold Saucer--and being wrapped up as she makes her way to the City of Ancients. (I mean, she must have caught a boat to cross the ocean, right? Free time to write.) The final idea was to simply have her start a letter on the way to the City of Ancients, before she contacts Cloud in a dream; a cross between asking for strength and just getting the jitters out. I might try the third one sometime, but what I actually did last night was that last one:
Dear Zack,
So it turns out I was wrong about not writing you anymore. This might be a long one, sorry. Hope you can find a way to focus. [...] That's what I'm trying to do right now, focus my thoughts by writing them. And I've already told you my thoughts so many times.
[...] I'm scared. Don't fret, okay? I'm a big girl. I might get scared, but I can handle it. It's just so many things have been happening. Now the fate of the world might be on my shoulders, and you know how skinny those are. But it's not something I can turn away from. It's my duty. I wonder if you know by now? If you haven't yet, you should meet my real mom, Ifalna. She's very dear to me, and she probably knows more about what I'm doing than I do.
[There's idle dotting in the next section, as though she were tapping the pen while trying to think.] I only hear her voice now. Never anyone else's after they rejoin the Planet. But I want to hear from you. When it happened--I got scared. I didn't want to believe you were dying. You were always so strong. And I didn't know what I would hear. I felt sick, and I tried so hard not to listen...
It was a little selfish. And now I don't know what you were thinking. Were you afraid? Angry? Accepting? Was there someone you wanted to go back to? Did you miss me? [Though struck out, the question is still legible.] I didn't tell your parents. I didn't know how. I promise, I'll figure it out.
I'm listening now. I'll keep my heart open. Because what matters most is my feelings for you. If I wasn't the right girl for you [there's a break in the writing here; even now she finds the thought hurtful] I'd be sad but I'd still love you. You made me so happy. And I'm going to keep being happy. Since you can't be here to see everything I'll smile for the both of us. The thing I loved most was your smile.
I think once I get there, I have to pray. I'll show everything in my heart to the Planet and ask for its help. Then it will show me the secret.
There are so many things and people in my heart right now. Tseng. I don't think he died. I hope I'm right. Cait Sith--I know he's a spy, but I want to believe he's not all bad. He must have let Marlene go by now. Elmyra will take good care of her, she always took good care of me. I think if she'd seen you again she would've clobbered you one with the broom. She'd probably scold me too if she knew what I was doing all by myself.
All by myself. Even if I'm afraid I can be strong. I've seen so many miles of sky and they're all a wonder. I feel freer than I ever have in my life--no, I am free. I'm going to make this feeling last. Once everything's done--and Cloud's better--I want to travel the Planet with him more.
...Cloud's your friend too, isn't he? He acts like you. That's part of what's wrong with him, he acts like you and a little like something fake and cold and the real him's all muddled inside. But he'll be okay. Tifa is taking care of him. I think she's known something's wrong with him for a while too. She must, they're childhood friends. Maybe [...] if I tell her about you & all those little things, and she tells me what she knows we'll have a better idea what happened to Cloud. And if we know what happened we'll be able to help it. Tifa and I make a good team when we set our minds to something. ♥ Yes, I'll have to talk to her when I get back.
But maybe Cloud will get tired of waiting for me and pull through by himself. He's made it this far, after all! he's been hurt a lot, but he's still going. I'm sure the real Cloud is amazing. Are you jealous? Maybe I'm being unfair talking to you about him. But you really shouldn't have stood me up for so long! I was bound to start looking again.
He just needs rest first. There's only so much someone can take at once. So I want to keep Cloud safe. I want to keep Tifa safe. She's a wonderful friend and I love her. I want to keep Yuffie safe, even if I do double-check my materia to make sure she's not snitching again. I want to keep Red safe, and Barret, and Cid, and Vincent, and even if Cait Sith's a robot he's still 'himself' and I don't want that getting destroyed again. I want to keep Mom safe, and Marlene. I want to protect Tseng, even if he does make rotten career choices. (What is it with all the men I know getting involved with Shinra? You're all terrible.) I don't want any of the children in the slums to get hurt.
I can protect them. I used to be scared of being different, but you never were. You were one-of-a-kind and happy about it. It's still a little scary, but it's also exciting. I feel like my life is coming together for a purpose and something somewhere north is calling, almost singing out. Now that it's closer, it feels so strong. It's calling for a bright future. I'm going to find it. Watch and see!
The boat's coming in sight of land and this is getting awfully long, so I'll stop here. Thank you, Zack. I think it's helped.