A step down, A step up
As the fall semester reaches its mid-term, and tree looses their leaves, I am more and more feeling the ever dreadful pressure of anxiety. Anxiety to achieve success, anxiety to pass my exams, to ingest the ever growing ''to study'' pile, and perhaps reach the winter vacations with a somewhat sane mind. The last one, though, might be wishing for a little too much. Very few people actually get out of med school with a sane mind, not to say a stable mind. Med school is though, and you've got to want it to achieve it. A lot of new people I meet tend to have this strange habit of congratulating me for being a med school student. Which is something I personally don't understand, as I do not take any pride in that fact. Odd you'd say, but there is nothing extraordinary there. Yes, getting into med school is hard. But trust me, getting to the finish line is a hundred times harder. I do take pride in studying what I love, though. And I am conscious of my somewhat ''chance''. But please keep the congratulations for after I've passed my final exams! Then I'll be proud of what I will have achieved. Of course. That being said, being a med student, or a doctor, does not put you above or any place better than anyone else in this society. It is an achievement like any others : one should be proud of it, but never look down on others because of it.
Med school is a life experience. For me, it was at first like learning to walk again. Learning to walk while forgetting to take baby steps, I'd
personnaly say. I started my last fall semester thinking I'd ace everything, and the next thing I knew was that I had to meet the board for a 40% result in an exam. On the bright side, the medical field has that positive point of being very supportive of its members, being such a closed community. The hardest part, I'd say, one I haven't learnt yet, is to manage busy studies with a somewhat normal life (impossible I'd say), as well as accepting the fact you have to make sacrifices. You've got to learn to deal with the frustration, the diziness, the doubts, the embarassment, the comedy, the pain, but also the joy, the pleasure, and the good company other med school students make.
I do know that I am on the right path, after studying into elementary school teaching, and psychology, I do know what best suits me. I've got the feeling I'm at the right place. At the same time, I feel just like the autumn trees : bare, and fragile. I feel like this life, and dream of mine, could get out of my grasp with only a gust of wind. I've sacrificed so much it would be impossible to get back to a non-medical life. And that scares me the most. This fall semester, especially, is being rough.
Since getting into medschool, I've sacrificed mostly all of my hobbies, such as drawing, or playing the piano, running, reading, and even meeting with friends. Perhaps this is why I've finally decided to get into the lolita fashion and, perhaps, the newly discovered (for me) otome style, after years of looking at outfits and reading blogs... To get back a part of who I really am. I am a med student, but I am also so much more. Unfortunately, much of my life revolves around my studies at the moment.
