but oh you know youre hard to trust...
this past week or so has been a lot better. there are still some things id rather not know about that kill me every time i hear them, but i have to keep reminding myself that its ME he loves. i keep having to have other people tell me, and keep telling myself. i hate that, its so hard for me to trust people, and when i do, they always end up breaking it. maybe im setting an unattainable standard, but i dont think thats asking much to be able to be trusted. he randomally bought me dinner, and ill tell you, the smallest things that people do for you are the biggest things. if that makes sense. i guess i feel more important now. its still hard for me to get used to just yet. he keeps telling me yeah im going to, and yeah i love you, yeah i miss you, blah blah blah, but his actions are somewhat different. if you love me like you say you do, then why "accidently" tell me things that you know hurt me so bad. the same thing that you told me last time i got upset and puked my guts out and couldnt stop crying? why? why would you tell me that again? it makes me SO SICK to my stomach to think about. liz and i have made a pinky swear to this, (as awesome as that is), and i swear i WILL NOT BREAK IT. i never intended to, but i pinky sweared her anyway for kicks.
i miss my friends. kelsey and kristina especially. theyve always been really good friends to me, and it makes me sad when i dont get to see them for awhile. my schedule is so fucking jam packed, its so hard to get the time between both schedules, unless my friends stay up as late as i do. usually by the time im ready to go out, everyone has to be home. and ktinas trying to work, and juggle a boyfriend and budding relationship, so i understand that. i will soon be following suit, so ill need everyone to be understanding with me also. even if i wasnt, shes my friend, so thats just how it should be done. i do miss her though. there are plenty of night i just wish i had her to talk to. shes one of those friends that you can sit there and not say anything to, and still, you walk away feeling SO MUCH BETTER. its amazing really, she must have evil powers or be a charmed one. although i do miss my existing friends, there are well, lets not be fake, ONE i could do without. oh im going to do without. i was at their house, and the ENTIRE time i was there, there wasnt a single thing that came from her about me that wasnt negative. she was sitting there talking on the computer, and i could see what she was typing, and she just keeps writing like im retarded or something. maybe if i was 50 and needed reading glasses and held books 12 feet from my face, i could understand her slyness in that one. come on, really. im done with it. ive got plenty of good friends, and i dont need to mix in shitty ones, when the ones i have are so excellent. as the old saying goes, its quality, not quantity. and quality is what im looking for. im sick of them saying things about me that ARENT true, and furthermore, completely insulting. they are judgemental, egotistical, and downright rude to everyone, no matter if theyre "bff" or not. it doesnt matter who, you can count on this behavior as surely as you can count on a sunrise and a sunset. thats not something i want to be a part of, i dont want all that negative energy in my aura. ;)
today sucked, i raked leaves for old people i mean, "the elderly", from 8 in the morning until 2:30 this afternoon. had a 30 minute lunch break and a 5 or so minute smoke break, then back to the cotton fields. i feel SO SICK from being outside all day. my ear was already hurting in the first place and my ears dont fair well with cold weather. so im thinking i have an inner ear infection, and severe frostbite to the face. yuck. BUT. i dont have class tomorrow because of it, we get assignments knocked off, and i dont have to work tomorrow, so tomorrow = good fucking day.
thank you to those who are my friends and DONT FUCKING SUCK LARGE AMOUNTS OF COCK. (besides joseph and kristina thank you to you too.) :D
you know who you are.
<3 heather
i miss my friends. kelsey and kristina especially. theyve always been really good friends to me, and it makes me sad when i dont get to see them for awhile. my schedule is so fucking jam packed, its so hard to get the time between both schedules, unless my friends stay up as late as i do. usually by the time im ready to go out, everyone has to be home. and ktinas trying to work, and juggle a boyfriend and budding relationship, so i understand that. i will soon be following suit, so ill need everyone to be understanding with me also. even if i wasnt, shes my friend, so thats just how it should be done. i do miss her though. there are plenty of night i just wish i had her to talk to. shes one of those friends that you can sit there and not say anything to, and still, you walk away feeling SO MUCH BETTER. its amazing really, she must have evil powers or be a charmed one. although i do miss my existing friends, there are well, lets not be fake, ONE i could do without. oh im going to do without. i was at their house, and the ENTIRE time i was there, there wasnt a single thing that came from her about me that wasnt negative. she was sitting there talking on the computer, and i could see what she was typing, and she just keeps writing like im retarded or something. maybe if i was 50 and needed reading glasses and held books 12 feet from my face, i could understand her slyness in that one. come on, really. im done with it. ive got plenty of good friends, and i dont need to mix in shitty ones, when the ones i have are so excellent. as the old saying goes, its quality, not quantity. and quality is what im looking for. im sick of them saying things about me that ARENT true, and furthermore, completely insulting. they are judgemental, egotistical, and downright rude to everyone, no matter if theyre "bff" or not. it doesnt matter who, you can count on this behavior as surely as you can count on a sunrise and a sunset. thats not something i want to be a part of, i dont want all that negative energy in my aura. ;)
today sucked, i raked leaves for old people i mean, "the elderly", from 8 in the morning until 2:30 this afternoon. had a 30 minute lunch break and a 5 or so minute smoke break, then back to the cotton fields. i feel SO SICK from being outside all day. my ear was already hurting in the first place and my ears dont fair well with cold weather. so im thinking i have an inner ear infection, and severe frostbite to the face. yuck. BUT. i dont have class tomorrow because of it, we get assignments knocked off, and i dont have to work tomorrow, so tomorrow = good fucking day.
thank you to those who are my friends and DONT FUCKING SUCK LARGE AMOUNTS OF COCK. (besides joseph and kristina thank you to you too.) :D
you know who you are.
<3 heather