i'm done
i really am done..with all of it. i hate school...i hate my classes..i hate the courses..i hate pretty much everything. but i think what i hate the most is coming home and not seeing matt..and then remembering reality.
i hate staying at home..and i hate going out. i mean i have fun with heather and jackie..don't get me wrong. it's just that if we do something that matt and i did..or go somewhere we went..or if my fucking mind wonders at all it's to think about him..and i just get miserable..but i don't want to ruin anyone's time..so pretending is the solution. but it's too hard now. i can't do it. i barely got out of bed to go to school. i think i might take this weekend off and just stay home.
i don't really know what to do with myself..becuz going out is good..but at the end of the night i still have to come home..and i still have to live with what happened..and then i feel bad for having fun..like maybe i'm supposed to be miserable.
.....i'm done.....
i hate staying at home..and i hate going out. i mean i have fun with heather and jackie..don't get me wrong. it's just that if we do something that matt and i did..or go somewhere we went..or if my fucking mind wonders at all it's to think about him..and i just get miserable..but i don't want to ruin anyone's time..so pretending is the solution. but it's too hard now. i can't do it. i barely got out of bed to go to school. i think i might take this weekend off and just stay home.
i don't really know what to do with myself..becuz going out is good..but at the end of the night i still have to come home..and i still have to live with what happened..and then i feel bad for having fun..like maybe i'm supposed to be miserable.
.....i'm done.....