I Spend So Much Time Looking at You

[killwithkarate]

You are the boy I had a crush on
In the seventh grade,
Only grown into his body now
With arms that flex as
You press into me.
But still the smell I imagined
And the same shirts.

We speak with a weird symmetry
Stirred into our conversations,
Saying the same things to each other
Over and over again,
Only switching gender-appropriate
Pronouns and adjectives from time to time.

Cavern eyes, nose trench, "whiskers",
Old man cheek creases,
Knowing half smile;
I look at you all wrong.
You call me kiddo,
The features fit together.
Your face shifts into focus.
I'm drawn in,
And donning a miner's helmet.

There's this pull to have
My fingers on your lips
Or to cup the side of your face.
We have this helpless way
With our hands
When we get like this.

It makes self-conscious,
What with the heavy breathing and all,
But sometimes it's just so important to touch you.