Lately I've been feeling like one of those baby monkeys in a sociology experiment. You know, put them in a routine with no room for growth and remove them from all physical contact and see if they are able to flourish. Guess what, guys. I'm not flourishing. I really need physical proximity, like now. I miss non-pity hugs. I miss cuddling. I miss how cozy everyone is back in Toronto. And I'm not talking hugs. I need to hold someone and be held for a damn long time. I was thinking about it while standing around in choir. I had this feeling of phantom arms around me, but then I felt so sad and unloved as a result. I feel dumb and undesirable and horrid. I miss feeling loved and attractive without having to drag it out from appologetic friends in an emo LJ post. I'm sorry I'm so damn whiney, but hey, I'm allowed. Now is a perfect time for one of my favourites Simpsons quote, as it's so close to my current situation. "Well, I'm failing math and yesterday I was a little attracted to Milhouse." Just replace math with theory, a little with a lot and Milhouse with some equally Milhouse-y character. Yeah. Sucks, don't it?
I have a midterm tomorrow, so I should get back to studying. I'm not sleeping tonight, just listening to the damned music history stuff and reading over and over my notes, but then I'm going to bed by 10 am tomorrow. My exam finishes, and then choir and my other class are cancelled, so I am going to sleep for hours in the middle of the day. I need to treat myself well. I bought some pretty nail polish, so I'm going to give myself and manicure and pedicure soon. My skin is horrible, I'm out of shape and I'm really disorganized (not in terms of tidiness, but in terms of school) so I need to get back on the straight and narrow. Basically, I need to do really well in school, keep my voice in good shape, become physically well and therefore attractive and manage to keep some semblance of a social life. Has anyone ever successfully done this? No matter. Tomorrow is a ME day, and I'm going to be a damned princess as soon as this midterm is over. Back to the studying I go. I'll leave you with this LJ interest meme.
LJ Interests meme results
- books:
What can I say? I love books. I love looking at them and smelling them and reading them and collecting them. Whenever I'm on a walk, I end up in at least one used book store, and I have a few haunts in Toronto where the shop owners and the token used book store kitties know me personally. One of my great problems with the big move is that I could only take so many of my books initially, but it was kind of fun selecting which ones meant enough to me to bring along. I'm a huge nerd, too. My bookcase at home is organized into fiction and non-fiction. The fiction section is alphabetical by author, while the non-fiction is alphabetical by subject and then by author. I have a ton of books about music, The Simpsons, Taoism, religion in general, dance and I have a LOT of poetry. My favourite books of all times are probably "Without Feathers" by Woody Allen, "The Essential Chuang-Tzu" by Burton Watson and "Ham on Rye" by Charles Bukowski. - cracking my neck:
It's so bad for me, but I do it a lot. I get all tense and antsy if I can't crack it, and it's really satisfying when I can. Almost every joint in my body can crack, which is disgusting, but it's a really good feeling. - eye contact with strangers:
This is one of my great joys. There's nothing like a little sexy teasing eye contact on the subway or even just on the street. It really picks up your day. The best is when it's like a tennis match. You look, they look away. They look, you look away. Back and forth, over and over. My favourite experience was with a really pretty guy on the Parliament bus. We smiled and looked at each other for ages and then, as I got off at my stop, we waved at each other and totally acknowledged our secret little exchange. - heels:
A good 75% of my shoes fall into the "pain for beauty" category. I'm 5 feet tall, so I like to add a few inches of stature now and again. As a result, my feet are always cut up and gross and I'm probably going to develop hammer toes like whoa, but whatever. They're just so sexy that I can't resist it. It must stem from the Spice Girls. - live music:
I love looking through the free paper to find out about shows. Some of the best moments of my life have been at the concerts of my favourite musicians. I also just really love having GOOD live music around when I'm out with friends. - modern dance:
Modern dance is definitely my favourite dance form. I feel very free in it, I love choreographing in it and it's one hell of a workout. The leaps and the leaning into side bends and working elements of other styles of dance into the mix... It just makes you feel very alive to dance like that. - prose:
I frequently wonder what would have happened if I went to Eugene Lang and studied writing under the likes of Sundiata instead of pursuing music at McGill. It's all well and good to say that I followed my dreams and lead with strength in choosing my voice, but I think my writing is overlooked, in that it really is as much a part of me as music. Some things I've written have been on the backburner for reworking and continuation, but with the way my life is going here, I don't know when I'll be able to go back to them again. I'm a naturally funny, honest and intuitive writer, and I'm not sure that I gave it enough of a try before I decided to go into music instead. I'm definitely going to take a course at Concordia at some point. - rootbeer:
I loves me some rootbeer. A&W is my bitch. Floats are tasty damn good. One of my favourite memories was going to the 7-11 to pick up nibs, A&W and microwave popcorn to watch some DVDs in the old rooming house on Ross St. That was a damn fine night and it sticks out very vividly in my mind somehow. - super nibs:
Nibs are tasty as fuck. Super nibs are the same, only longer. Licorice is a good thing and a movie watching necessity, as I stated before. - vocal lilts:
Vocal lilts, especially in musical theatre, make me melt. I classic example would be the last "Like you" at the end of "Shiksa Goddess" from Jason Robert Brown's "The Last Five Years." I defy you to not melt at the sound of that man's voice lilting. Sublime.
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