my mind wanders wherever it desires
too much time alone.
thinking.
asking.
have i really grown?
did i ever really learn anything from my past?
or do i just keep regergitating the same words over and over, even though ive seen the outcome of the actions?
no, ive definitely learned.
maybe not what to say...
but how to deal with the outcome or reactions or coincidental reasons of rejection.
i wear my heart on my sleeve, and say exactly what i feel at the time. i dont hide my feelings or drink them away. no, i confront my problems and say what i want to say.
some people have a problem with that.
they need to deal with it.
not me.
and ive realized that.
finally.
its not my problem.
its theirs.
i dont care if you think im an asshole.
i tell it how it is.
im not going to sit aside and let my opinion go unheard like most guys do.
its quite possible that this is exactly the reason most guys date more girls than i do.
but im not going to change.
someone is going to accept that fact about me
and appreciate it
not see it as a fault.
i dont care when that is.
im content with being single now.
no more high school girls. not even if i really like them.
i cant stand them, and everything around them.
the parents.
the whole idea of keeping the relationship a secret from the outside world.
the restrictions.
the responsibilities of being the only one who can drive.
i want someone who can come see me
someone who will be proud of the relationship
someone who i can meet their parents,
but not be held back by them.
beyond all of this
i want someone who has matured
and sees things the way i see them.
i dont want a dreamer.
nothing is ever good enough for dreamers.
if somebody's going to love me, love me for the moment,
not because you think im going to marry you or some shit.
be realistic.
im 18.
im in college.
im still in my prime (however weak my prime may be, its still my prime).
chances are, i wont marry you.
and if, in fact, i do...
it definitely wont be any time soon.
so to all of you who dont like me because of me
or the things i say
or the things i do
DEAL WITH IT.
or... fuck off.
maybe its good that im gonna be single on valentines day and my birthday.
maybe ill get lucky and ill do something fun
rather than trade chocolates and stuffed bears
(which i never got to do in the first place, but its still lame)
and if i dont get to do anything...
boo hoo.
been there, done that.
ill get over it.
im still a hopeless romantic.
just... a more realistic one.
and i can handle being single.
whether you like it or not.
thinking.
asking.
have i really grown?
did i ever really learn anything from my past?
or do i just keep regergitating the same words over and over, even though ive seen the outcome of the actions?
no, ive definitely learned.
maybe not what to say...
but how to deal with the outcome or reactions or coincidental reasons of rejection.
i wear my heart on my sleeve, and say exactly what i feel at the time. i dont hide my feelings or drink them away. no, i confront my problems and say what i want to say.
some people have a problem with that.
they need to deal with it.
not me.
and ive realized that.
finally.
its not my problem.
its theirs.
i dont care if you think im an asshole.
i tell it how it is.
im not going to sit aside and let my opinion go unheard like most guys do.
its quite possible that this is exactly the reason most guys date more girls than i do.
but im not going to change.
someone is going to accept that fact about me
and appreciate it
not see it as a fault.
i dont care when that is.
im content with being single now.
no more high school girls. not even if i really like them.
i cant stand them, and everything around them.
the parents.
the whole idea of keeping the relationship a secret from the outside world.
the restrictions.
the responsibilities of being the only one who can drive.
i want someone who can come see me
someone who will be proud of the relationship
someone who i can meet their parents,
but not be held back by them.
beyond all of this
i want someone who has matured
and sees things the way i see them.
i dont want a dreamer.
nothing is ever good enough for dreamers.
if somebody's going to love me, love me for the moment,
not because you think im going to marry you or some shit.
be realistic.
im 18.
im in college.
im still in my prime (however weak my prime may be, its still my prime).
chances are, i wont marry you.
and if, in fact, i do...
it definitely wont be any time soon.
so to all of you who dont like me because of me
or the things i say
or the things i do
DEAL WITH IT.
or... fuck off.
maybe its good that im gonna be single on valentines day and my birthday.
maybe ill get lucky and ill do something fun
rather than trade chocolates and stuffed bears
(which i never got to do in the first place, but its still lame)
and if i dont get to do anything...
boo hoo.
been there, done that.
ill get over it.
im still a hopeless romantic.
just... a more realistic one.
and i can handle being single.
whether you like it or not.