yes, yes, she is the only
we are the only two people i know of who can so confidently walk into a fire, leap off a cliff or run into traffic. in other words i know no others who are as blatantly self destructive as we. careless with our feelings we seem not to care. i cant stop thinking of it. makes me sadder than i think. and sometimes its unbelievable the feelings that they and it can provoke. sometimes it almost makes me think twice but then, no regrets, no worries. that in itself would have driven me to the very brink of maddness. to the very brink of self loathing and being so very disgusted with myself. something MUST go right. i cannot stand to see it run around me. i would become quite dizzy from this prolonged pattern of up? down? and very much all around. so it needs to stop. but for some reason crawling out of this fire is so hard almost as if i cant leave the warmth. oh well. now when i hear them i will begin to think and not to smile. eh, it happens with the best. but they have yet to destroy the ultimate, and that i will keep on my highest shelf never to be touched by another soul. at least some self preservation is at work here. the value of everything else seems to dissapate when this isnt in place, to my dismay. quickly, quickly, quickly, quick- before i start to feel it i shall just have to find more, better.