(no subject)
"Those boon times
went bust
my feet of clay
they've dried to dust
the red isn't the red we painted it
it's just rust
and that signature thing
that used to bring a following
i have trouble now
even remembering"
Oh, how I love Fiona Apple.
I am in a really, really shitty mood last night. I have to get ready to go to work in a little while, and I honestly don't feel like going at all. It's not that I don't like work - because I love it - but I'm in the mood to sit in my room and cry.
Thanksgiving was really nice. I really can't stand my mom's family because they are so "holy-rosary" and not fun at all. And My Aunt and her husband are fucking cunts. You hear me? CUNTS. I hate them. The food was good though, although I barely ate anything. Then we went to my other grandmaw's. It was so fun. Porky was tipsy, and so was Maw Maw Ruby. They are HILARIOUS when they drink. Porky is always my entertainment and I had a real sense of being a "family" yesterday. It was nice. I also got to see my brother and sister in law and that was really nice too. Then after I went to Des Allemands with the Greauxbecks and the Mods. And as always, we had a great time. We played SHOUT and that game is my FAV!!!!!
I really miss my friends. I feel like I haven't seen Dory in FOREVER. I miss Jacky. And then I saw Liz at work the other day and she told me that Jacky's coming home later than I first thought. So that totally bums me out. I miss that girl like crazy. I already miss Jolie. I really feel like I'm becoming a burden to the like 2 friends I have here. I don't want to be up anyone's ass, but sometimes I get really lonely - which is often.
The problem is that I hate to in this house. Right now, there are 3 t.v.s on, none of which I am watching. The sister is on the phone, the mom is talking to herself. The cats are fighting. I don't where my obnoxious father is right now, but I sure in hell aint missing him. I just want to have some fucking peace and fucking quiet sometimes. Is that really too much to ask for? Honestly. I am SO sick of coming home to noise and shit. Just leave me the fuck and get out of my fucking way. God. I can't wait to live alone.
And as Dory and I were talking about last night, it's always SOMETHING with me. ALWAYS. I can never have a fucking break. Not ever. And we both know that I don't bring it upon myself. The stupid fucks in my life FUCK IT UP ALL THE TIME. I am so sick of being hurt and annoyed by the people I love the most. I'm really about to just stick a gun in my mouth and pull the trigger. I just don't want to be here anymore. I want to be anywhere but here. I don't why I haven't killed myself yet. It's probably because I don't want to hurt anyone. But I always end up being the fucker who always gets hurt anyway. So I'm really, really not beginning to care anymore. I'm sick of worrying about everyone but me. It sure would be nice to slit my arms open with a hack saw. Or some glass. Or something. Maybe a razor. No, that's too typical. I need to be different. We'll see.
I want to go out with a bang. And I want it to be totally unexpected. And see who cares.
And if you piss me off now, I'm going to haunt you and cut holes in your undies. And write messages on the steamed mirror when you are taking showers. Haha.
Okay, I've said enough.
went bust
my feet of clay
they've dried to dust
the red isn't the red we painted it
it's just rust
and that signature thing
that used to bring a following
i have trouble now
even remembering"
Oh, how I love Fiona Apple.
I am in a really, really shitty mood last night. I have to get ready to go to work in a little while, and I honestly don't feel like going at all. It's not that I don't like work - because I love it - but I'm in the mood to sit in my room and cry.
Thanksgiving was really nice. I really can't stand my mom's family because they are so "holy-rosary" and not fun at all. And My Aunt and her husband are fucking cunts. You hear me? CUNTS. I hate them. The food was good though, although I barely ate anything. Then we went to my other grandmaw's. It was so fun. Porky was tipsy, and so was Maw Maw Ruby. They are HILARIOUS when they drink. Porky is always my entertainment and I had a real sense of being a "family" yesterday. It was nice. I also got to see my brother and sister in law and that was really nice too. Then after I went to Des Allemands with the Greauxbecks and the Mods. And as always, we had a great time. We played SHOUT and that game is my FAV!!!!!
I really miss my friends. I feel like I haven't seen Dory in FOREVER. I miss Jacky. And then I saw Liz at work the other day and she told me that Jacky's coming home later than I first thought. So that totally bums me out. I miss that girl like crazy. I already miss Jolie. I really feel like I'm becoming a burden to the like 2 friends I have here. I don't want to be up anyone's ass, but sometimes I get really lonely - which is often.
The problem is that I hate to in this house. Right now, there are 3 t.v.s on, none of which I am watching. The sister is on the phone, the mom is talking to herself. The cats are fighting. I don't where my obnoxious father is right now, but I sure in hell aint missing him. I just want to have some fucking peace and fucking quiet sometimes. Is that really too much to ask for? Honestly. I am SO sick of coming home to noise and shit. Just leave me the fuck and get out of my fucking way. God. I can't wait to live alone.
And as Dory and I were talking about last night, it's always SOMETHING with me. ALWAYS. I can never have a fucking break. Not ever. And we both know that I don't bring it upon myself. The stupid fucks in my life FUCK IT UP ALL THE TIME. I am so sick of being hurt and annoyed by the people I love the most. I'm really about to just stick a gun in my mouth and pull the trigger. I just don't want to be here anymore. I want to be anywhere but here. I don't why I haven't killed myself yet. It's probably because I don't want to hurt anyone. But I always end up being the fucker who always gets hurt anyway. So I'm really, really not beginning to care anymore. I'm sick of worrying about everyone but me. It sure would be nice to slit my arms open with a hack saw. Or some glass. Or something. Maybe a razor. No, that's too typical. I need to be different. We'll see.
I want to go out with a bang. And I want it to be totally unexpected. And see who cares.
And if you piss me off now, I'm going to haunt you and cut holes in your undies. And write messages on the steamed mirror when you are taking showers. Haha.
Okay, I've said enough.