(no subject)

[killmealready]

He was and is my best friend of sorts. I care about him so much. It tears me apart to know he's leaving and that my worries are coming true.. How is this life suppose to have a positive side when he's being taken away? The one person who has never faultered to be with me in years upon years. We had our large periods of ups and downs but at the end of every day we loved each other in such a way that no one could understand. I mean, to this day I have his friends telling me "you know he loves you more than anyone else in this world and if anything were to happen to your relationship, he'd be at a loss"... it hurts.. it really hurts. I'm not trying to be emo and shit, it's just happening. I'm sick of fucking losing my close close beloved friends to tragedies... If only he hadn't gotten on that motorcycle that nite.. If only Chels hadn't dumped him, maybe then he wouldn't have been so depressed to drive his body to such a catastrophy. You know what the worst part of all of this is... If he were awake and aware of everything going on, he'd want me there... and as much as I'd want to go and do want to go, I can't and won't ever be able to. I love and care for that boy and have done so for so many years...

I couldn't even enjoy a quiet evening with my parents at BJ's tonight because as the night came to an end and we were getting ready to leave... guess what song I heard over the speakers

Somewhere Out There by Our Lady Peace

.I can't believe I've lost him.