(no subject)
Today was by far the hardest day of my life to deal with. I have a friend that is sitting there with A PERFECT F*ing life slitting his wrist becase a girl hurt him. So yeah hes getting the attention he wanted, so really your making him want to do it more, by being like omg how are you bla bla bla. I dont know what my problem was all day today i could only think about three people, two were who i look at as the best people i know and they are perfect, Towlie and Heather are always there they are always there to call and god, if they weren't there i dont know how i would go threw days like today. Then of course... that one guy that i walk past everday thinking... why couldn't it have turned out the way i wanted it to? I dont know what it is im not PMSing im not On my Periode... im just like .. going out of my mind with stress. I sit there and i want to go home i want to sit by myself and just cry, i dont know how to deal with it. Today we had our first league game. Us (jv) lost ... it was embarrasing, it was terrible god it was huntington beach and we lost. I can't beilieve i was looking forward to playing that game. Its one of those things your parents go to and expect to beable to brag about how well you did, then you loose, you look up and you see the look on all your friends and familys faces you can tell they wanted you to win and they are bumbed. No madder how they say you did really well, dont worrie about it, you know on the inside they sit there and go wow, i REALLY wanted you to win. Then my coach pulls me aside and says i want you on varsity next year for sure... almost just to lift my spirits, he tells me im better than i think i am and that if i just keep trying i will be a varsity starter next year. Im sitting there going God did you see me today.. i played like crap. During practice i sit there and watch varsity play with college level players so VARSITY can do well, im there f*ing booie for goodness sake. okay, I have to say this Heather i want you to be one of my best friends, your great you... god you rock i know if i ever need help you would and always will be there. Towlie im glad you are my best friend with out you i don't know what i would do. People who slit there wrists are just pussies to afraid to kill thems selvs so there for do it for attention. I just want my friends to know i love you. There is nothing i could want more then to cry and think about EVERYTHING... you probly think im stupid crying partially because of a game and partially because i want to, it just shows you. Game wise i can't aford to loose, i've lost to many things to many times. God i have been crieing for the past 45mins. and i can't seem to stop... i haven't ever *no exaggeration* cried this hard... and not known the ONE REAL REASON. ... i love you heather & towlie... you are my best friends... just let me cry ...