History continues . . .
I don't understand how this whole thing got started. I really don't. I just wish:
1. people would let me explain myself and try to understand my position and
2. be honest with me.
I don't know if that's too much to ask. Thank you, Nicole, for at least giving me that much.
I don't like to give up on things... especially friendships. Maybe I get too attached to people. Maybe I care too much. Maybe other people don't care enough. Maybe I need to learn how to get over things faster. Whatever.
I know i'm to blame because I decided to trust a bunch of people with information that they wound up interpreting in a way I didn't mean for it to be done. By the way, this bunch of people were what I call friends, and I don't know how I stand with any of them anymore. Probably somewhere low, and it's funny because I never wronged them in any way. I guess shit happens?
I won't take all the blame, though. Fuck that. This escalated into something that just didn't need to happen. I have at least 2 or 3 people who are pissed off at me, and for reasons I feel just aren't good ones because they are things that just aren't true. The words "talking shit" are growing to be the ones I hate the most.
Speaking of "shit talk". . .
When I get pissed off at someone, and I am first to admit this, I may.. in the heat of the moment.. say things like "Fuck so and so, they're such blah blah blah Ugh!" followed a few minutes later by a calm thought and many times an explanation of why I was angry and how i'm over it. I wouldn't blame anyone if they did that about me. I understand that totally and fully. Perhaps this isn't the way I should be, but I am. And to be honest, i've ALWAYS been under the impression that everyone understood this about me. That I don't always say the thing I mean or mean the things I say. Maybe I should learn to not be so silly and complicated and tell it like it is. I don't know. It's worked out well for me thus far, and it's a tought habit to break out of. But yeah. Also, many times, I say things and they just come out wrong. Maybe it's the wording or the way I say them, maybe they come off too strongly. I don't mean to do that, but it happens. It's difficult to control a "dramatic" personality, I suppose. And no.. I don't want to change. I would be miserable with myself, plus that would just be lying to myself. I love who I am and I love the way that I am, and I don't see anything wrong with that. And some people may not like it, and I guess i'm starting to find out who those people are. But whatever. Live and let live, I guess.
Hmm.. So yeah. I know that the world doesn't revolve around me, and I know that the world isn't out to get me, and frankly I don't care about that much either. I just don't like when people talk shit =) Aaaaannd I don't think i'm going to bother with this from this point on.
By the way, if I took you off my friends list, don't think I have anything against you. Doesn't really seem to make sense to anyone but me, but I don't care. Just don't take it personally because chances are i'll add you again soon [as well as maybe take out other ppl for the reason that I just don't read those journals/they stopped posting].
Guess that's all I will have to say about that anymore. Hopefully, anyway. I'm realizing more and more that it's just not worth much. I tried to salvage what I could, and if people decide to hear me out and realize that i'm not all to blame, amongst other things... they can come talk to me about it and i'll go back to having things the way they were. If these things just weren't ment to be, then thank you for the memories and everything else, it was nice knowing you. I don't forget people, by the way. So if you do ever need anything and for some reason come to me about it, i'll probably be willing to help. One may think this is a silly thing for me to say, or that i'm trying to make myself "look good", but it's just honestly how I feel.
Love always.
1. people would let me explain myself and try to understand my position and
2. be honest with me.
I don't know if that's too much to ask. Thank you, Nicole, for at least giving me that much.
I don't like to give up on things... especially friendships. Maybe I get too attached to people. Maybe I care too much. Maybe other people don't care enough. Maybe I need to learn how to get over things faster. Whatever.
I know i'm to blame because I decided to trust a bunch of people with information that they wound up interpreting in a way I didn't mean for it to be done. By the way, this bunch of people were what I call friends, and I don't know how I stand with any of them anymore. Probably somewhere low, and it's funny because I never wronged them in any way. I guess shit happens?
I won't take all the blame, though. Fuck that. This escalated into something that just didn't need to happen. I have at least 2 or 3 people who are pissed off at me, and for reasons I feel just aren't good ones because they are things that just aren't true. The words "talking shit" are growing to be the ones I hate the most.
Speaking of "shit talk". . .
When I get pissed off at someone, and I am first to admit this, I may.. in the heat of the moment.. say things like "Fuck so and so, they're such blah blah blah Ugh!" followed a few minutes later by a calm thought and many times an explanation of why I was angry and how i'm over it. I wouldn't blame anyone if they did that about me. I understand that totally and fully. Perhaps this isn't the way I should be, but I am. And to be honest, i've ALWAYS been under the impression that everyone understood this about me. That I don't always say the thing I mean or mean the things I say. Maybe I should learn to not be so silly and complicated and tell it like it is. I don't know. It's worked out well for me thus far, and it's a tought habit to break out of. But yeah. Also, many times, I say things and they just come out wrong. Maybe it's the wording or the way I say them, maybe they come off too strongly. I don't mean to do that, but it happens. It's difficult to control a "dramatic" personality, I suppose. And no.. I don't want to change. I would be miserable with myself, plus that would just be lying to myself. I love who I am and I love the way that I am, and I don't see anything wrong with that. And some people may not like it, and I guess i'm starting to find out who those people are. But whatever. Live and let live, I guess.
Hmm.. So yeah. I know that the world doesn't revolve around me, and I know that the world isn't out to get me, and frankly I don't care about that much either. I just don't like when people talk shit =) Aaaaannd I don't think i'm going to bother with this from this point on.
By the way, if I took you off my friends list, don't think I have anything against you. Doesn't really seem to make sense to anyone but me, but I don't care. Just don't take it personally because chances are i'll add you again soon [as well as maybe take out other ppl for the reason that I just don't read those journals/they stopped posting].
Guess that's all I will have to say about that anymore. Hopefully, anyway. I'm realizing more and more that it's just not worth much. I tried to salvage what I could, and if people decide to hear me out and realize that i'm not all to blame, amongst other things... they can come talk to me about it and i'll go back to having things the way they were. If these things just weren't ment to be, then thank you for the memories and everything else, it was nice knowing you. I don't forget people, by the way. So if you do ever need anything and for some reason come to me about it, i'll probably be willing to help. One may think this is a silly thing for me to say, or that i'm trying to make myself "look good", but it's just honestly how I feel.
Love always.