(no subject)
fuck. i like that word. because it perfectly summarizes my emotions right now.
my grandfather has cancer. and that scares me. a lot. my grandmother had cancer and she beat it, but its still scary.
my other grandmother is dying of ALS, and it kills me inside to know she is fully aware of everything that's happening to her.
and i wanted to die today again.
and i'm alone in my fucking bedroom drinking rum and trying to write a story and just fuck everything
i'm sick of being me, and i'm sick of being lonely and i'm sick of hating myself
fuck.