Love sucks.
I'm not sleepy at all. I've been waking up at 3 PM and falling asleep at 5 AM... I hate it but at least it gets rid of the day.
I don't feel like I belong anywhere. I don't fit in. I love my friends, I just don't feel completely understood.
Tonight just made it worse. Brady told me he didn't love me anymore. I expected it, but that doesn't mean it didn't still hurt. I just have to get used to it. It was comforting to think that no matter how bad I fucked up I could still go to him and he would love me. Love me for everything that I am, no conditions. But that's gone.
He told me he feels like he never knew me. He did, he knew me better than anyone, so it's sad that he feels like that. Now no one will ever know me. No one wants to put in that much time and energy. Believe me, I'm exhausting.
I'm just so selfish. I wanted him to love me, to worship me, but I didn't want to love him in return. I'm a selfish bitch. Why am I even alive?
Now I don't even know if I can be his friend. Am I strong enough? For some reason I can't be my complete self around a boy unless I know he loves me. How fucking weird is that? I am insane.
==
Tomorrow I need to call heather (she's back from vegas!), clean my room, go to hot topic, and get the wicker park soundtrack at walmart.
Night night.
-ashie
I don't feel like I belong anywhere. I don't fit in. I love my friends, I just don't feel completely understood.
Tonight just made it worse. Brady told me he didn't love me anymore. I expected it, but that doesn't mean it didn't still hurt. I just have to get used to it. It was comforting to think that no matter how bad I fucked up I could still go to him and he would love me. Love me for everything that I am, no conditions. But that's gone.
He told me he feels like he never knew me. He did, he knew me better than anyone, so it's sad that he feels like that. Now no one will ever know me. No one wants to put in that much time and energy. Believe me, I'm exhausting.
I'm just so selfish. I wanted him to love me, to worship me, but I didn't want to love him in return. I'm a selfish bitch. Why am I even alive?
Now I don't even know if I can be his friend. Am I strong enough? For some reason I can't be my complete self around a boy unless I know he loves me. How fucking weird is that? I am insane.
==
Tomorrow I need to call heather (she's back from vegas!), clean my room, go to hot topic, and get the wicker park soundtrack at walmart.
Night night.
-ashie