I'm sorry I called at 4:30 am ... but I felt I had to.
So I finally managed to take advantage of a rare (but golden) mood, and that rocks.
I've felt like shit for some time now, and once and awhile (very rarely) I get this mood, where I feel alright and feel talkative and like I can see things clearer and am not so afraid of everything. But it usually comes at a bad time, like late in the night or when I have nobody to talk to. And tonight I got this mood and I felt like I could do anything and rehabilitate anything broken, I felt like I could be productive...and I didn't want it to fade, and for once, I didn't.
I love this mood, this mood is fucking fantastic. I almost like myself when I feel like this (aside from physical features), I only wish I could feel like this by default instead of it being a rarity. I'm not negative and I don't see things like I am...I see them for what they are. I wish this was me...I wish this would stay...
Yeah my life is fucking boring and perhaps hopeless and pathetic, but only if I look at it that way. I still need things, but I can't let what I do/can have right now, fade away. I have to fight a little bit, I can't be intimidated. I've had (everything and) nothing for awhile, only my great Mom and a long distance relationship with the girl I love, and that's All, but I had nothing to fill in the blank pages that are left inbetween (so I'd stare at them until time had passed). I gave up on friends and that led to not wanting to go to shows or anything like that, so I never got/get out, I just waste away waiting for something good to happen...yeah because it means everything to me (for certain things to happen), but fuck I need to help myself out here, try not to go completely insane...distract myself and be OKAY in the meantime.
I need people in my life, and that's what I've lacked for some time now. I'm not a very approachable person, I know that...I mean I'm ugly and look like I hate everyone and also suck ass at being social. But I need to get over that, I need help with being around people...I can't get used to something if I'm just thrown into it every once and awhile (or never.) I can't completely help msyelf on my own, that's part of why I never have/do, but I can help myself get closer to people and allow them to want to be part of my life, or atleast I can try.
I want to be happy, I want to love and not be afraid or uncomfortable or miserable anymore. I just hope this is a step in the right direction and not something I'll get over after a good night's sleep...then again I've even hated sleeping for awhile now, which used to be my one solace. I really have to get out of this rut...because I've been in, real deep...
Feel free to be my friend, maybe you can get to know the guy that's hidden on the inside...and maybe you could like him. breaking me open takes a bit of patience and determination...but you'll get there if you want to, I'll try.
I've felt like shit for some time now, and once and awhile (very rarely) I get this mood, where I feel alright and feel talkative and like I can see things clearer and am not so afraid of everything. But it usually comes at a bad time, like late in the night or when I have nobody to talk to. And tonight I got this mood and I felt like I could do anything and rehabilitate anything broken, I felt like I could be productive...and I didn't want it to fade, and for once, I didn't.
I love this mood, this mood is fucking fantastic. I almost like myself when I feel like this (aside from physical features), I only wish I could feel like this by default instead of it being a rarity. I'm not negative and I don't see things like I am...I see them for what they are. I wish this was me...I wish this would stay...
Yeah my life is fucking boring and perhaps hopeless and pathetic, but only if I look at it that way. I still need things, but I can't let what I do/can have right now, fade away. I have to fight a little bit, I can't be intimidated. I've had (everything and) nothing for awhile, only my great Mom and a long distance relationship with the girl I love, and that's All, but I had nothing to fill in the blank pages that are left inbetween (so I'd stare at them until time had passed). I gave up on friends and that led to not wanting to go to shows or anything like that, so I never got/get out, I just waste away waiting for something good to happen...yeah because it means everything to me (for certain things to happen), but fuck I need to help myself out here, try not to go completely insane...distract myself and be OKAY in the meantime.
I need people in my life, and that's what I've lacked for some time now. I'm not a very approachable person, I know that...I mean I'm ugly and look like I hate everyone and also suck ass at being social. But I need to get over that, I need help with being around people...I can't get used to something if I'm just thrown into it every once and awhile (or never.) I can't completely help msyelf on my own, that's part of why I never have/do, but I can help myself get closer to people and allow them to want to be part of my life, or atleast I can try.
I want to be happy, I want to love and not be afraid or uncomfortable or miserable anymore. I just hope this is a step in the right direction and not something I'll get over after a good night's sleep...then again I've even hated sleeping for awhile now, which used to be my one solace. I really have to get out of this rut...because I've been in, real deep...
Feel free to be my friend, maybe you can get to know the guy that's hidden on the inside...and maybe you could like him. breaking me open takes a bit of patience and determination...but you'll get there if you want to, I'll try.