Losing IT!!!!
So the author of zis blog hasn't updated or posted an entry for some time now. The author thinks it's best to update it.
"I want to tell you something."
"What is it?"
"..."
"Tell me."
"Something's lacking."
"Lacking where?"
"Just that something's lacking... or changed."
*toot*
Busy line.
The End.
======================================================================
It's that time again where I feel so alone and depressed browsing through old pictures and reminiscing memories. LJ, I feel like crying every night. I miss Marj Joy so much. I know that with a hug from her and her telling me that I'm the strongest person she knows makes me feel better. But now, I feel exactly the opposite.
I feel like I'm never good enough for everyone here.
I'm a crap. A total crapbag.
All the time I wish I would wake up from my bed in the Philippines and all of this... all of these moving and living and working are all just part of a dream (or maybe a nightmare). It's such a big dramatic change. And do you wanna know why, LJ?
Here I am at 12AM, crying my heart out writing to you how much I miss home. Yes, I know that when I was still living in the Philippines, I was always inside our house--either watching TV or going on the internet or playing Melody or Ebony. But you know what the big difference is? IT IS HOME. IT HAS BEEN HOME TO ME FOR THE LAST 20 YEARS. I'VE BEEN LIVING IN THAT COUNTRY ALL MY LIFE.
Honestly, I really didn't want to live here in the first place. And well, that hasn't changed.
People here are polite, yes. But there's this loneliness that I fight against every single day just so not to cry. I repeatedly tell myself that "I AM STRONG. I AM STRONG. EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT. I AM STRONG." And that works, through the day as I distract myself with work and sleeping. I always think about what everybody's doing in the Philippines every time I'm alone in the bus. Every Filipino I've talked to wants to go home--they cry themselves to sleep wishing they were back home.
You wanna know why I can't get along with most of my cousins? No offense to them, but I'm speaking as-a-matter-of-fact-ly here... It's because they grew up here. They came here when they were like ten or eleven and so and so. It's not like they have bestfriends or practically sisters and brothers with their friends in the Philippines like I am. Imagine growing up, seeing the same people in the last 12 years or more in your life.
"So have you made friends yet?"
:) No. And yes, I know it's sad. Me? Friendless? Who would've thought? Back home, I'm Marcia the "kooky" one. I'm Nice the "charming" one. In SFC, I'm Nice the "mischievious" one. Among my SFACS brothers/sisters, I'm Marcia, the "friendly one". :) And here I am, in Canada... FRIEND-LESS.
How will I meet people if whenever i go out, nobody's around. THERE AREN'T ANY PEOPLE. And people here aren't what you'd call laid-back. Time here is precious. And I'm always late...... Now, that's a fact. THE LATE-COMER.
I need words of encouragement and motivation. Moral Support... From friends that I ultimately and completely trust (how redundant can I beeeeeeeeeeeee?). I just want somebody to hear me out and see my woes and sorrow. My depression which is slowly killing all that is left of my courage. Puta nagiging emo na naman ako. I don't like cussing pero putaaaaaaaaaaaa AYOKO NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
My whole world is crumbling because I'm lonely here. I can't seem to find any of my life's meaning here... "Land of Opportunities". Land of Opportunities ay anak ng puta. Just imagine me here, cussing ng malutong. lol kasi i'm so pissed off na. I don't even understand what is this I'm feeling eh. It's like a mixture of sadness, irritation, annoyance and anger. Anger kasi... Ah basta... I feel like I need therapy now. I need psychiatric help or whatsoever just to get me out of this depression. :(
Malay nio, one time, I will be found lying dead in my room with cuts.
Or...
Siguro, I'll be found one time in one corner staring into nothingness, laughing amicably and twirling my hair. Now, that's a pretty, pretty sight.
Get me some help now....
before I lose my mind.
It's now or never.
Call...905-917-6426
WAIT. THERE'S MORE!!!
If you call now, we'll add three extra minutes of talk time AB-SO-LUTE-LY FREE!!!
WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!
CALL NOW!
My customer service representatives are waiting for your call so go grab that phone and dial that number and make that phone call, NOW! (Batteries not included.)
-----------------------P.S.
This is a terrible-terrible effect of watching too much infomercials in the wee hours of the morning.
I may or may not have invented a phone number i posted above... so go and take your own risk... It's your money and the owner's moolah anyway so it's totally your choice.
:(
:(
:(
:(
:(
:(
:(
:(
"Hindi na 'carry lang'. Gusto ko nang umuwi back home..." :( It's raining pa,.
"I want to tell you something."
"What is it?"
"..."
"Tell me."
"Something's lacking."
"Lacking where?"
"Just that something's lacking... or changed."
*toot*
Busy line.
The End.
======================================================================
It's that time again where I feel so alone and depressed browsing through old pictures and reminiscing memories. LJ, I feel like crying every night. I miss Marj Joy so much. I know that with a hug from her and her telling me that I'm the strongest person she knows makes me feel better. But now, I feel exactly the opposite.
I feel like I'm never good enough for everyone here.
I'm a crap. A total crapbag.
All the time I wish I would wake up from my bed in the Philippines and all of this... all of these moving and living and working are all just part of a dream (or maybe a nightmare). It's such a big dramatic change. And do you wanna know why, LJ?
Here I am at 12AM, crying my heart out writing to you how much I miss home. Yes, I know that when I was still living in the Philippines, I was always inside our house--either watching TV or going on the internet or playing Melody or Ebony. But you know what the big difference is? IT IS HOME. IT HAS BEEN HOME TO ME FOR THE LAST 20 YEARS. I'VE BEEN LIVING IN THAT COUNTRY ALL MY LIFE.
Honestly, I really didn't want to live here in the first place. And well, that hasn't changed.
People here are polite, yes. But there's this loneliness that I fight against every single day just so not to cry. I repeatedly tell myself that "I AM STRONG. I AM STRONG. EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT. I AM STRONG." And that works, through the day as I distract myself with work and sleeping. I always think about what everybody's doing in the Philippines every time I'm alone in the bus. Every Filipino I've talked to wants to go home--they cry themselves to sleep wishing they were back home.
You wanna know why I can't get along with most of my cousins? No offense to them, but I'm speaking as-a-matter-of-fact-ly here... It's because they grew up here. They came here when they were like ten or eleven and so and so. It's not like they have bestfriends or practically sisters and brothers with their friends in the Philippines like I am. Imagine growing up, seeing the same people in the last 12 years or more in your life.
"So have you made friends yet?"
:) No. And yes, I know it's sad. Me? Friendless? Who would've thought? Back home, I'm Marcia the "kooky" one. I'm Nice the "charming" one. In SFC, I'm Nice the "mischievious" one. Among my SFACS brothers/sisters, I'm Marcia, the "friendly one". :) And here I am, in Canada... FRIEND-LESS.
How will I meet people if whenever i go out, nobody's around. THERE AREN'T ANY PEOPLE. And people here aren't what you'd call laid-back. Time here is precious. And I'm always late...... Now, that's a fact. THE LATE-COMER.
I need words of encouragement and motivation. Moral Support... From friends that I ultimately and completely trust (how redundant can I beeeeeeeeeeeee?). I just want somebody to hear me out and see my woes and sorrow. My depression which is slowly killing all that is left of my courage. Puta nagiging emo na naman ako. I don't like cussing pero putaaaaaaaaaaaa AYOKO NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
My whole world is crumbling because I'm lonely here. I can't seem to find any of my life's meaning here... "Land of Opportunities". Land of Opportunities ay anak ng puta. Just imagine me here, cussing ng malutong. lol kasi i'm so pissed off na. I don't even understand what is this I'm feeling eh. It's like a mixture of sadness, irritation, annoyance and anger. Anger kasi... Ah basta... I feel like I need therapy now. I need psychiatric help or whatsoever just to get me out of this depression. :(
Malay nio, one time, I will be found lying dead in my room with cuts.
Or...
Siguro, I'll be found one time in one corner staring into nothingness, laughing amicably and twirling my hair. Now, that's a pretty, pretty sight.
Get me some help now....
before I lose my mind.
It's now or never.
Call...905-917-6426
WAIT. THERE'S MORE!!!
If you call now, we'll add three extra minutes of talk time AB-SO-LUTE-LY FREE!!!
WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!
CALL NOW!
My customer service representatives are waiting for your call so go grab that phone and dial that number and make that phone call, NOW! (Batteries not included.)
-----------------------P.S.
This is a terrible-terrible effect of watching too much infomercials in the wee hours of the morning.
I may or may not have invented a phone number i posted above... so go and take your own risk... It's your money and the owner's moolah anyway so it's totally your choice.
:(
:(
:(
:(
:(
:(
:(
:(
"Hindi na 'carry lang'. Gusto ko nang umuwi back home..." :( It's raining pa,.