Nada Nada in Canada.
You know what's my plan? Even before I flew over here?
To get a job.
Save money.
Go back to the Philippines.
Live there.
I'm starting to realize that living the bohemian lifestyle I'm used to living in the Philippines is impossible here. Everybody needs to have a job here. And I'm pressured getting a job...SOON.
SELL-OUT.
Argh. It's so frustrating.
But everybody's been telling me, "Tiyaga lang, Nice. You just need a break. After this, everything will be alright."
Ang akin lang, "For how long?"
I'm homesick. My cousin tells me, this will go on for several months pa. =( I try to keep myself busy these past few days to not think about some things... and/or to forget or get over some things... or whatever. I tire myself so that when I go home, all I have to do is just sleep.
But then when I find myself alone, I think about so many things and then... boom. I feel like drinking and having a hang-over to just numb whatever pain or sadness I'm feeling inside.
Living here for the past 2months or so has been very frustrating. Especially the last week of July. Ugh. People may think living here is such a breeze. Well, it's not.
I don't even see why we have to move here anyways when we're already stable back in the Philippines. Oh right, for Leonard. =(
Gelo, Tita Paz and Tito Efren's son who live just a floor beneath us, asked me to go with him to his school and to Bramalea mall--where I could submit resumes... He was also kind enough to accompany me to LCBO and buy me alcohol (alcohol, alcohol, gusto ko ng alcohol). Something about his aura made me depressed. It's like everything's negative here in Canada. But yea, it's kinda nice knowing that somebody feels the same way about living here... It's depressing and frustrating. Just like me, he wants to save money and then go back and live in the Philippines.
Canada may be a beautiful place to live in, compared to the Philippines. But over there, people are happy and they are very laid-back. I am laid-back. And they always incorporate God in everything that they do... unlike here, I have to be careful in speaking about God cus not everyone's Christian.
Argh. I miss having my household meeting with my Ates in Singles for Christ--when I tell them whatever it is that is bothering me... And I ask them to pray for me.
I don't know. I tell my mom that we ought to have an altar in the house. I need to pray and have a one-on-one talk with God.
I haven't even gone to confession for months now. I think I'll go to the church tomorrow, alone. I know God has a purpose for me why I'm here now. But there are still doubts... =( and these doubts are bringing me down.
ILC- CEBU CITY - Youth For Christ- International Youth Conference.
9,000+ youth from all over the world
April 3-5, 2009
All For You
by Dexter Suban of Canada
You took me from the darkest night
You called me to Your light, to Your light
Your love it helped me overcome
Now I stand here strong, cause of You alone
Not for what You've done (I stand here praising)
You for who you are (My God and only)
In the freedom You give
I choose the path You live (Jesus!)
I will follow Your way
For your love has taken my heart
My life, my praise is all for You
And Your heart has captured me
For I am taken by Your
Endless mercies and Your graces, my God.
====================================
Hey you.
I'll talk to you when I'm ready.
It's just not right now. =)
To get a job.
Save money.
Go back to the Philippines.
Live there.
I'm starting to realize that living the bohemian lifestyle I'm used to living in the Philippines is impossible here. Everybody needs to have a job here. And I'm pressured getting a job...SOON.
SELL-OUT.
Argh. It's so frustrating.
But everybody's been telling me, "Tiyaga lang, Nice. You just need a break. After this, everything will be alright."
Ang akin lang, "For how long?"
I'm homesick. My cousin tells me, this will go on for several months pa. =( I try to keep myself busy these past few days to not think about some things... and/or to forget or get over some things... or whatever. I tire myself so that when I go home, all I have to do is just sleep.
But then when I find myself alone, I think about so many things and then... boom. I feel like drinking and having a hang-over to just numb whatever pain or sadness I'm feeling inside.
Living here for the past 2months or so has been very frustrating. Especially the last week of July. Ugh. People may think living here is such a breeze. Well, it's not.
I don't even see why we have to move here anyways when we're already stable back in the Philippines. Oh right, for Leonard. =(
Gelo, Tita Paz and Tito Efren's son who live just a floor beneath us, asked me to go with him to his school and to Bramalea mall--where I could submit resumes... He was also kind enough to accompany me to LCBO and buy me alcohol (alcohol, alcohol, gusto ko ng alcohol). Something about his aura made me depressed. It's like everything's negative here in Canada. But yea, it's kinda nice knowing that somebody feels the same way about living here... It's depressing and frustrating. Just like me, he wants to save money and then go back and live in the Philippines.
Canada may be a beautiful place to live in, compared to the Philippines. But over there, people are happy and they are very laid-back. I am laid-back. And they always incorporate God in everything that they do... unlike here, I have to be careful in speaking about God cus not everyone's Christian.
Argh. I miss having my household meeting with my Ates in Singles for Christ--when I tell them whatever it is that is bothering me... And I ask them to pray for me.
I don't know. I tell my mom that we ought to have an altar in the house. I need to pray and have a one-on-one talk with God.
I haven't even gone to confession for months now. I think I'll go to the church tomorrow, alone. I know God has a purpose for me why I'm here now. But there are still doubts... =( and these doubts are bringing me down.
ILC- CEBU CITY - Youth For Christ- International Youth Conference.
9,000+ youth from all over the world
April 3-5, 2009
Click to viewAll For You
by Dexter Suban of Canada
You took me from the darkest night
You called me to Your light, to Your light
Your love it helped me overcome
Now I stand here strong, cause of You alone
Not for what You've done (I stand here praising)
You for who you are (My God and only)
In the freedom You give
I choose the path You live (Jesus!)
I will follow Your way
For your love has taken my heart
My life, my praise is all for You
And Your heart has captured me
For I am taken by Your
Endless mercies and Your graces, my God.
====================================
Hey you.
I'll talk to you when I'm ready.
It's just not right now. =)