The Need and The Drive.
Let me begin with this simple 'one-word' re-cap of my entire week:
"ALONE".
First off, don't get me wrong, I like being alone at times. I just like the peace and quiet and watching people do their roundabouts. I'm weird that way. But there are times wherein I long for some company, somebody to chill and spend time with and maybe, even talk to.
This is usually the time when I would use my car and drive around our neighborhood, back home, and either go to one of my friends'--usually, @icedprincesse (Marj)'s house, unannounced. BUT, since I'm here in my apparently, "new" hometown, where I don't have really close friends--other than my cousin (SAD, I know)-- and almost all of them had plans for the week, I just stayed "alone".
ENTER: My longing to be back in Manila.
ENTER: Homesickness.
And since I was basically alone, plus with my phone gone, I have decided to stray away from social media for a day or two. Technically to re-think about my life and how I have, so far, have lived; living it and how I should be living it.
What this week revealed to me is that I need to "get-a-move-on" or whatever kids these days now say--
"Get moving!"
"Go get it!"
"Get a Life!"
Several issues I constantly battle with are:
1. My Depression due to homesickness
2. Lack of Friends or Social Instability-slash-Awkwardness
3. My Dead-End Temp. Job
4. My passion and talent which is slowly staggering downhill...
5. My Dad's health.
6. Leonard (my hi-functioning autistic brother)'s condition
7. My Insecurities and self-esteem
Yep, I do have issues.
I wish I have somebody here who knows me too well to understand how depressing these issues are.
MARJ, where the fuck are you?
But anyway, like I said, "Get-a-move-on!". I have decided to take a step towards my education and career.
Friends--regardless of how few---very few--I have here, I have tons of close friends back home who'll support me in whatever I do (though it could be nice if I have some here---but whatever... I have to focus on one thing first). That's why I'm focusing on my career first. Besides, once enrolled in school, I'll probably find people who I have a lot of things in common with or probably even somebody's who would all turn out to be my "click/clique" despite our differences--just like my tropa back home.
A step towards that, is my getting a G2 license.
I want to be able to help out my family--may it be in terms of DRIVING my brother to school or my dad to the hospital when my mom's at work. And I just really want to eliminate it among my list of "Things to Do/Accomplish" and get it out of the way.
Yes, it is sort of a process of elimination--where you eliminate first or tackle the task which is the easiest to do.
And so, I will be starting my Driving Lessons--YES, I KNOW HOW TO DRIVE!!! I know you are thinking of that! It just is more practical, in a way, if I enroll in a Driving School and get my certification. That certificate would render me a discount for when I have my Driver's insurance--which by the way, is grudgingly expensive. Ergo, I thought that any kind of discount I'll get, would be helpful--regardless if they're a huge percentage or not. Beeeeesides, it's better to get something out of it than nothing at all, eh?
I'm halfway through my Christmas shopping. At least that is somehow out of the way, now.
I'd like to give gifts which have symbolic meaning or something I've thought a lot about.
I don't like buying gift cards--although that would make it a lot practical because they can use it as store value. I guess for me, it just doesn't have that 'personal' appeal. And as the saying goes, "It's the thought that counts...How thoughtful, How Goldilocks" (GADAMMIT, I miss Goldilock's Ensaymada!)
Next big thing would be ...
Well, nothing's set in stone yet.
But hopefully, once I'll get that first thing done, it is (blast) off to my second BIG one.
P.S.
Don't think I have forgotten about my love life.
I haven't. I just decided to focus on the more important aspect of my life yet.
And it'll come. Like I said, I'd want the easier things done first
("easier" depending on the context--and by this, I mean that this is something I could actually work and accomplish in probably about a year or so).
Though, don't get me wrong, I miss kissing and cuddling.
:)