It Took One Night
============================
It took only one night for him to fall in love. It took only one night of being with her to make him think and wonder about her constantly.
Her smile. Her way of saying eloquent words. Her passion and concern for all beings. Her beliefs, morals and values. Her eyes, though despite her being enthusiastic at things, shows how sad and broken she is. And he wonders why and would want to replace this girl's eyes' sadness with over-bearing joy and happiness. He would like to see her eyes gleaming with joy.
It took just one night of walking and talking about everything and nothing, until they said goodbye. It took just this one night to make this guy seem the happiest he's ever been. It took just one night for this fellow to fall so deeply in love with this girl.
July 20th, 2011
Bus #11-W Steeles, Avenue
5:27PM
===========================
Before writing this, I was walking down memory lane--looking at photos on facebook. I saw Jester's picture. But before you say anything at all... because I know you will, I'd have to stop you there for a minute and just continue reading... Bottomline of all things: I am over him now. And if you ask me, whether I'd consider dating him now, I would gladly say "no". If anything, I was and I guess still am in love with the Jester that was then. The Jester who was aiming to get good grades despite his "misgivings"; the Jester who would go out of his way, if one of us girls are upset; the Jester who dreamed of becoming a pilot and an artist; basically, the "undamaged" Jester, then.
And yes, I'm playing Nina's Jealous on repeat... because of the lines, "what could have been, what might have been... If I had been there..."
Many people know about this already. And even if I keep telling them that I have moved on and wouldn't take him, they just refuse to believe as they've permanently marked my forehead with "deeply in love with Jester". But few people know that I prayed for him even before I saw him and fell in love with the undamaged version of him. And that's why it was hard for me to let go. I basically put a curse on myself, upon praying for him to come along. I still remember the first time I saw him--date and time; and when I got my heart so broken by him--date, time and place (heck! I even made a poem about it).
Seeing him now, "damaged" and "broken" and "played around" by some girl he's deeply in love with hurts me as he was and is my "first love" so to speak, and of course, speaking as a friend, here, it hurts me to see him get hurt.
And then, Nina's words would come into play again..."What might have been, what could have been, if I had been there..." He wouldn't have ended all damaged, broken and used. I still care about him. I would have supported him--heck i was there when he and Erika broke up (I even helped him choose his gift for her). But that was then, and Eka and I already agreed that the Jester now is not worth it.
I still hear people talking too you know, "I wished somehow he ended up with you. He wouldn't have ended up this way, "; "He would've been better off with you."
I just shrug and say, "Well, too late for that," and force a smile.
TAENA REX AND GRAE!! BOY BUDS!! I NEED YOUU like old times. For old times' sake! Comfort meeee!!! :((
putanginang unrequited love...
fuck you, unrequited love...
you ruined everything.
(first time in 2 years, I cried over a guy... what's worse is, it's still the same guy.)