It's hard enough as it is.
I had a dream.
Last night, I dreamt I went back home only to find everything has changed. My friends, my SFC mates, my relatives--all of them changed. Different faces and places.
Different...everything.
It was like I don't belong there anymore. It was like I'm an outcast, because I was outside the "loop" for a year.
I then remembered what Paula, Jr.Todds' Elliot's mom said upon learning I just arrived here last year. She told me that once you go back it won't feel "home" anymore just because everything's changed. "You weren't even there to witness the change."
"Kinda like you're out of place all over again," I added.
"Exactly," she said. "I mean, here you are adjusting to a new place, where you awfully feel extremely out-of-place already, and when you go back, same things happen. Because what you expect to see are just not there anymore."
That, conversation I had with Elliot's mom, during her dropping me off at our apartment, troubles me.
I want to go home, but is there anything there to go back to if everything's changed, moved on?
I don't know for sure.
What I'm sure of is this: "I'm not sure of anything at all."
Oh and that it's like I don't give a shit anymore. So long as we survive this pitiful Canadian dream we used to long for.
Post from mobile portal m.livejournal.com
Last night, I dreamt I went back home only to find everything has changed. My friends, my SFC mates, my relatives--all of them changed. Different faces and places.
Different...everything.
It was like I don't belong there anymore. It was like I'm an outcast, because I was outside the "loop" for a year.
I then remembered what Paula, Jr.Todds' Elliot's mom said upon learning I just arrived here last year. She told me that once you go back it won't feel "home" anymore just because everything's changed. "You weren't even there to witness the change."
"Kinda like you're out of place all over again," I added.
"Exactly," she said. "I mean, here you are adjusting to a new place, where you awfully feel extremely out-of-place already, and when you go back, same things happen. Because what you expect to see are just not there anymore."
That, conversation I had with Elliot's mom, during her dropping me off at our apartment, troubles me.
I want to go home, but is there anything there to go back to if everything's changed, moved on?
I don't know for sure.
What I'm sure of is this: "I'm not sure of anything at all."
Oh and that it's like I don't give a shit anymore. So long as we survive this pitiful Canadian dream we used to long for.
Post from mobile portal m.livejournal.com