Boys suck
Or, rather, my luck with boys sucks.
Dave just broke up with me because he thinks he's falling for me and he gets a physical, gut-twisting feeling when he thinks about me being with another guy. He was like, I'm not sure if that's jealousy, or what, but... and then went on to say that he still really wants to be friends.
He also said that it's not a mono vs. poly thing. He's cool, he thinks, with poly families, or people who have established relationships bringing new people in, but apparently what we're doing isn't working for him. I call bullshit. Even if he's "okay" with those aspects of polyamory, him breaking up with me because of his bullshit, alpha-male jealousy issues is totally about mono vs. poly. He wants to be monogamous with me and I will not stop being poly.
He did this in the middle of a date. We had normal us hanging out time. He let me kiss him when we greeted each other. We held hands when we were walking around Pearl St. Then when we were at the Mountain Sun and the topic came around to sex, he was like, I've been meaning to talk to you about something. I've been feeling really uncomfortable the past week... etc.
Then he said something about wanting to talk about it. I was like, I don't know what to say. What did he want me to say? What I wanted to say was, that's stupid. We have fun together, we have great sex (we had sex three times in one day last weekend, it was awesome), this could be great. But, because you can't deal with your jealousy, you're just going to give up on it. I also wanted to say, goddamnit, I shaved my legs for this? I told him that I'm disappointed. I reassured him that I would like to remain friends. He seemed to be concerned that I wouldn't want to be.
I wanted to point out that he's the one who pursued me. And I'm not exactly shy about being polyamorous. He's the one who came to every event to which I invited him. He's the one who spontaneously gave me a necklace with a dragonfly on it. He's the one who decided that we were "dating". He made it more serious than I would have at this stage.
Ergh.
In other news, Lee left town Thursday afternoon. We were seeing each other for about 7 weeks and we did it twice. Both times in the last week and a half he was here. He's coming back in January. I lost both boys I was dating (though Lee doesn't like that word) within 24 hours of each other. Perfect.
Also, Jake is dating a girl. I'm really happy for him. I'm also currently glad he lives in FL. If we were having regular sex and then he stopped doing me to be in a relationship with a girl, well, let's just say I'm getting really sick of that shit. This way, I can be happy he's getting laid and I'm not really losing anything except the potential hot sex when he (rarely) comes back to CO.
I had a date last night with a guy named Chip. It was nice. I couldn't tell whether he was shy or just didn't like me. His profile on OKC says he's shy, but, hey, it could be both. He texted me today to say that he had fun, though. So, I guess, not all hope is lost.
Tomorrow is Jeff's Totally Normal Event. I wish SO MUCH that I could be there. Especially now. I KNOW there are boys in NJ/NY/CT who would do me. Virgil, Ogre, Matthew, Walter, I wish I could see you all. My Colorado barrel is almost empty.
Speaking of which, I'm going to visit Boone tomorrow. I should go to bed.
Dave just broke up with me because he thinks he's falling for me and he gets a physical, gut-twisting feeling when he thinks about me being with another guy. He was like, I'm not sure if that's jealousy, or what, but... and then went on to say that he still really wants to be friends.
He also said that it's not a mono vs. poly thing. He's cool, he thinks, with poly families, or people who have established relationships bringing new people in, but apparently what we're doing isn't working for him. I call bullshit. Even if he's "okay" with those aspects of polyamory, him breaking up with me because of his bullshit, alpha-male jealousy issues is totally about mono vs. poly. He wants to be monogamous with me and I will not stop being poly.
He did this in the middle of a date. We had normal us hanging out time. He let me kiss him when we greeted each other. We held hands when we were walking around Pearl St. Then when we were at the Mountain Sun and the topic came around to sex, he was like, I've been meaning to talk to you about something. I've been feeling really uncomfortable the past week... etc.
Then he said something about wanting to talk about it. I was like, I don't know what to say. What did he want me to say? What I wanted to say was, that's stupid. We have fun together, we have great sex (we had sex three times in one day last weekend, it was awesome), this could be great. But, because you can't deal with your jealousy, you're just going to give up on it. I also wanted to say, goddamnit, I shaved my legs for this? I told him that I'm disappointed. I reassured him that I would like to remain friends. He seemed to be concerned that I wouldn't want to be.
I wanted to point out that he's the one who pursued me. And I'm not exactly shy about being polyamorous. He's the one who came to every event to which I invited him. He's the one who spontaneously gave me a necklace with a dragonfly on it. He's the one who decided that we were "dating". He made it more serious than I would have at this stage.
Ergh.
In other news, Lee left town Thursday afternoon. We were seeing each other for about 7 weeks and we did it twice. Both times in the last week and a half he was here. He's coming back in January. I lost both boys I was dating (though Lee doesn't like that word) within 24 hours of each other. Perfect.
Also, Jake is dating a girl. I'm really happy for him. I'm also currently glad he lives in FL. If we were having regular sex and then he stopped doing me to be in a relationship with a girl, well, let's just say I'm getting really sick of that shit. This way, I can be happy he's getting laid and I'm not really losing anything except the potential hot sex when he (rarely) comes back to CO.
I had a date last night with a guy named Chip. It was nice. I couldn't tell whether he was shy or just didn't like me. His profile on OKC says he's shy, but, hey, it could be both. He texted me today to say that he had fun, though. So, I guess, not all hope is lost.
Tomorrow is Jeff's Totally Normal Event. I wish SO MUCH that I could be there. Especially now. I KNOW there are boys in NJ/NY/CT who would do me. Virgil, Ogre, Matthew, Walter, I wish I could see you all. My Colorado barrel is almost empty.
Speaking of which, I'm going to visit Boone tomorrow. I should go to bed.