R KELLY DUET WITH USHER
ACT I
(R KELLY relaxes into a leather sofa in his penthouse, dialing a number into his cellphone. Elswhere, USHER, at a desk in a handsome study, picks up his phone.)
R KELLY: Yo, Ush.
USHER: What up, Kells?
R KELLY: Wanna introduce you to this girl. Think I really love this girl.
USHER: Yeah?
R KELLY: Man, she's so fine.
USHER: Straight up, dawg.
R KELLY: She stands about 5'4", Coca=Cola red bone.
USHER: Damn.
R KELLY: Drives a black Durango, license plate says "Angel." Tattoo on her ankle. Plus, she's making pesos. Got a crib on Peach Street-
USHER: Peach Street?
R KELLY: Right on 17th Street. And I call her TT.
USHER: Wait a minute, hold on dawg. Do she got a kid?
R KELLY: Yep.
USHER: Love some Waffle House?
R KELLY: Yep.
USHER: Do she got a beauty mark on the left side of her mouth?
R KELLY: Man!
USHER: Went to Georgia Tech?
R KELLY: Yep.
USHER: Works for TBS?
R KELLY: Yep!
USHER: Man, I can't believe this shit. Damn. (He shakes his head in disbelief.)
R KELLY: (Looking concerned) Tell me, what's wrong, dawg? What the hell you "damn"-in 'bout? I'm your homie, so just say what's on your mind.
USHER: Man, I didn't know that you were talking 'bout her.
R KELLY: So, man, you're telling me you know her?
USHER: Do I know her! Like a pastor knows his Word.
BOTH: (USHER gravely, R KELLY shocked) We're messing with the same girl. The same girl!
(They both prepare to meet one another, putting on suit jackets, sunglasses, and jewelry, assisted by their manservants. The separate rooms dissolve and become airport tarmac)
R KELLY: How could the love of my life and my potential wife be the same girl?
USHER: The same girl! Man, I can't believe that we've been messing with the same girl!
BOTH: The same girl!
R KELLY: Though she was someone I could trust. But she's been doubling up on us!
(They greet each other, smiling)
USHER: U...
R KELLY: K...
BOTH: Man, we've been messing with the same girl!
(They exit stage right.)
ACT II
(USHER and R KELLY sit in armchairs before a fireplace, holding glasses of cognac. Throughout, TT struts and poses around the stage, mouthing during R KELLY and USHER's quotations and acting out the scenes they describe.)
USHER: See I met her at this party in Atlanta.
R KELLY: Oh. Well, I met her at this party in Chicago.
USHER: She came right up to me, giving me conversation. I said, "Do you got a man?" She said, "No" with no hesitation.
R KELLY: Well, it must be a music thing, cause she said the same to me! At a party, all in my face, while I'm laughing and buying her drinks.
USHER: She whispered in my ear, said, "Can you take me home?"
R KELLY: (Cutting him off excitedly) Me too! Man, she was in the Chi singing that same song!
USHER: Is that true?
R KELLY: And I thought it was true confessions when she said, "I love you."
USHER: Man, I thought her body was calling when she said, "I want you." Look, I even got some pictures on my phone. (Showing R KELLY his cell phone)
R KELLY: (Pulling out his own phone and showing USHER) Look here, there she is with some boy shorts on.
(Both distraught, they begin pacing the hearth and lamenting their situation.)
BOTH: We're messing with the same girl. The same girl!
USHER: She was the apple of my eye. And your potential wife.
BOTH: The same girl!
USHER: The same girl! Man, I just can't believe that we've been messing around with the same damn girl. Thought she was someone I could trust!
R KELLY: But she's been doubling up with both of us!
USHER: U.
R KELLY: Hey! K.
USHER: Hey!
BOTH: (Raising their glasses) Man, we've been messing with the same girl!
ACT III
(R KELLY and USHER are now practicing a little one-on-one basketball.)
USHER: Says she's got me on the ringtone.
R KELLY: Are you talking about the pink phone?
USHER: Mm-mm. The blue one.
R KELLY: (Crestfallen) Man, she told me that was turned off.
USHER: It's obvious that she's been playing us.
R KELLY: Playing us. Ush, constantly she's been lying to us. Lying to us!
USHER: Don't like the way that she's been goin' bout it, goin' 'bout it. Kells, what'd you think that we should do about it, do about it?
R KELLY: (Shrugs) Call her up at her home. She won't know I'm on the phone!
USHER: Yeah, man, that's the lick!
R KELLY: Homie, we're about to bust this trick! (Suddenly, a better idea dawns on him) Man, just ask her to meet up with you - and I'm gonna show up too!
USHER: And she won't know what to do!
R KELLY: We'll be standing there, singin', "Same girl!"
BOTH: The same girl!
USHER: She was the apple of my eye. And your potential wife!
R KELLY: Usher, I can't believe we've been messing with the same girl!
BOTH: The same girl!
R KELLY: She's gonna be looking so stupid when she sees us together.
USHER: U!
R KELLY: K!
BOTH: Man, we've been messing with the same girl.
(R KELLY pauses as a spotlight illuminates him turing a moment of emotional weight. USHER stands beside him, a reassuring hand on his shoulder.)
R KELLY: See, she was taking flights.
USHER: Yeah?
R KELLY: Going back and forth.
USHER: Yeah.
R KELLY: I would pick her up at the airport.
USHER: Man, I really can't believe...
R KELLY: I can't believe it, no.
(R KELLY finally steels himself, and they exit together to achieve their revenge.)
Last Night I had a dream about Zac Efron*, teenage heartthrob and star of High School Musical and High School Musical 2. Now whenever I see him I reminisce about the ~good times~ we had together. OH WAI----
The same thing happened with Gerard Way. I had this ridiculous dream where I spent a whole day with him at an amusement park and found out that he was really a cool guy and now I can no longer judge him. I even forced myself to watch two My Chemical Romance videos. annnnnddddd iiiiii reallyl like Teenagerssss ~(*w*)~
*It's all Rolling Stone's fault. The fucking thing is sitting in my house, beckoning me with its outrageous levels of gay radiation (gaydiation) every time i walk passssttt
OH HELLO THER
it's been hot.
i've been watching nothing but MTV Jams, VH1 Soul, WEEEEEEEDS, and animal cop shows on animal planet and mythbusters and the colberrrrrt reporrrrrrt and lost season 3
and
i got my wisdom teeth out
that was fun
slash
painful
but not so painful at first because i had vicodin
this is what I have listened to all summer:
R Kelly Duet with Usher
R Kelly Duet with Usher
R Kelly Duet with Usher
R Kelly Duet with Usher
R Kelly ft. T.I. and T-Pain - I'm a Flirt
UGK - Swishas and Dosha
UGK - Life is 2009 (feat. Too $hort)
Lil Wayne - Upgrade
Lil Wayne - We Takin Over Freestyle
Lloyd - Get it Shawty
Fat Pat - Tops Drop
T.I. - You Know What it Is
T.I. - Rubberband Man
Kafani ft. Keak da Sneak - Fast (Like Nascar)
I mean seriously someone give me a reason to listen to anything other than hip hop top forty right now because then I will. but wtf what else is there i ask you WHAT
ELSE
IS THERE
besides
Keisha Cole ft. Missy Elliott - Let it Go
okay fine here
Fujiya & Miyagi - In One Ear & Out the Other (funky hipsterfresh)
Patrick Cleandenim - Baby Comes Home (sexy orchestral jazz 'n vampires)
mychemicalromanceteenagers
Franz Ferdinand - All My Friends (LCD Soundsystem cover)
Movies I swww:
- harry potter and the sexy wizarding battles and the sexxxxxxxxy Sirius Black and the gratuitous Sirius/Harry vibes
- TRAAAAAAAANSSSSFORMARRRRSSSS
- the bourne retardation
- knocked up (twice)
Movie previews that make me sexually aroused as I haven't been since Red Eye:
- Eastern Promises. skljhfkjdshfkjsdhfjkdhs
books.harry potter and the motherfucking sex
i worked at Suncoast Motion Picture Company aka th DVD store in the mall and now i can tell you cool facts about the kind of movies people who spend all their time at the springfield and granite run malls buy (just Shooter and Ghost Rider. That's it. And 300).
and i can tell you every kind of bleach, fullmetal faggot and naruto merchandise there is out there. and i can get you 30% off. and i wear khakis. and i've seen motherfucking gay ass star wars episodes I and II more times than I ever wanted to, ever, thanks to one of the gay ass assistant managers at springfield. But i also watched Robin Hood and glued quarters to the ground outside the store with one of the cool ass assistant managers at granite run. and i also
rekindled
my narutardation,
fools
so what
WHAT
anyway
WHAT
WHAT
love haley
(R KELLY relaxes into a leather sofa in his penthouse, dialing a number into his cellphone. Elswhere, USHER, at a desk in a handsome study, picks up his phone.)
R KELLY: Yo, Ush.
USHER: What up, Kells?
R KELLY: Wanna introduce you to this girl. Think I really love this girl.
USHER: Yeah?
R KELLY: Man, she's so fine.
USHER: Straight up, dawg.
R KELLY: She stands about 5'4", Coca=Cola red bone.
USHER: Damn.
R KELLY: Drives a black Durango, license plate says "Angel." Tattoo on her ankle. Plus, she's making pesos. Got a crib on Peach Street-
USHER: Peach Street?
R KELLY: Right on 17th Street. And I call her TT.
USHER: Wait a minute, hold on dawg. Do she got a kid?
R KELLY: Yep.
USHER: Love some Waffle House?
R KELLY: Yep.
USHER: Do she got a beauty mark on the left side of her mouth?
R KELLY: Man!
USHER: Went to Georgia Tech?
R KELLY: Yep.
USHER: Works for TBS?
R KELLY: Yep!
USHER: Man, I can't believe this shit. Damn. (He shakes his head in disbelief.)
R KELLY: (Looking concerned) Tell me, what's wrong, dawg? What the hell you "damn"-in 'bout? I'm your homie, so just say what's on your mind.
USHER: Man, I didn't know that you were talking 'bout her.
R KELLY: So, man, you're telling me you know her?
USHER: Do I know her! Like a pastor knows his Word.
BOTH: (USHER gravely, R KELLY shocked) We're messing with the same girl. The same girl!
(They both prepare to meet one another, putting on suit jackets, sunglasses, and jewelry, assisted by their manservants. The separate rooms dissolve and become airport tarmac)
R KELLY: How could the love of my life and my potential wife be the same girl?
USHER: The same girl! Man, I can't believe that we've been messing with the same girl!
BOTH: The same girl!
R KELLY: Though she was someone I could trust. But she's been doubling up on us!
(They greet each other, smiling)
USHER: U...
R KELLY: K...
BOTH: Man, we've been messing with the same girl!
(They exit stage right.)
ACT II
(USHER and R KELLY sit in armchairs before a fireplace, holding glasses of cognac. Throughout, TT struts and poses around the stage, mouthing during R KELLY and USHER's quotations and acting out the scenes they describe.)
USHER: See I met her at this party in Atlanta.
R KELLY: Oh. Well, I met her at this party in Chicago.
USHER: She came right up to me, giving me conversation. I said, "Do you got a man?" She said, "No" with no hesitation.
R KELLY: Well, it must be a music thing, cause she said the same to me! At a party, all in my face, while I'm laughing and buying her drinks.
USHER: She whispered in my ear, said, "Can you take me home?"
R KELLY: (Cutting him off excitedly) Me too! Man, she was in the Chi singing that same song!
USHER: Is that true?
R KELLY: And I thought it was true confessions when she said, "I love you."
USHER: Man, I thought her body was calling when she said, "I want you." Look, I even got some pictures on my phone. (Showing R KELLY his cell phone)
R KELLY: (Pulling out his own phone and showing USHER) Look here, there she is with some boy shorts on.
(Both distraught, they begin pacing the hearth and lamenting their situation.)
BOTH: We're messing with the same girl. The same girl!
USHER: She was the apple of my eye. And your potential wife.
BOTH: The same girl!
USHER: The same girl! Man, I just can't believe that we've been messing around with the same damn girl. Thought she was someone I could trust!
R KELLY: But she's been doubling up with both of us!
USHER: U.
R KELLY: Hey! K.
USHER: Hey!
BOTH: (Raising their glasses) Man, we've been messing with the same girl!
ACT III
(R KELLY and USHER are now practicing a little one-on-one basketball.)
USHER: Says she's got me on the ringtone.
R KELLY: Are you talking about the pink phone?
USHER: Mm-mm. The blue one.
R KELLY: (Crestfallen) Man, she told me that was turned off.
USHER: It's obvious that she's been playing us.
R KELLY: Playing us. Ush, constantly she's been lying to us. Lying to us!
USHER: Don't like the way that she's been goin' bout it, goin' 'bout it. Kells, what'd you think that we should do about it, do about it?
R KELLY: (Shrugs) Call her up at her home. She won't know I'm on the phone!
USHER: Yeah, man, that's the lick!
R KELLY: Homie, we're about to bust this trick! (Suddenly, a better idea dawns on him) Man, just ask her to meet up with you - and I'm gonna show up too!
USHER: And she won't know what to do!
R KELLY: We'll be standing there, singin', "Same girl!"
BOTH: The same girl!
USHER: She was the apple of my eye. And your potential wife!
R KELLY: Usher, I can't believe we've been messing with the same girl!
BOTH: The same girl!
R KELLY: She's gonna be looking so stupid when she sees us together.
USHER: U!
R KELLY: K!
BOTH: Man, we've been messing with the same girl.
(R KELLY pauses as a spotlight illuminates him turing a moment of emotional weight. USHER stands beside him, a reassuring hand on his shoulder.)
R KELLY: See, she was taking flights.
USHER: Yeah?
R KELLY: Going back and forth.
USHER: Yeah.
R KELLY: I would pick her up at the airport.
USHER: Man, I really can't believe...
R KELLY: I can't believe it, no.
(R KELLY finally steels himself, and they exit together to achieve their revenge.)
Last Night I had a dream about Zac Efron*, teenage heartthrob and star of High School Musical and High School Musical 2. Now whenever I see him I reminisce about the ~good times~ we had together. OH WAI----
The same thing happened with Gerard Way. I had this ridiculous dream where I spent a whole day with him at an amusement park and found out that he was really a cool guy and now I can no longer judge him. I even forced myself to watch two My Chemical Romance videos. annnnnddddd iiiiii reallyl like Teenagerssss ~(*w*)~
*It's all Rolling Stone's fault. The fucking thing is sitting in my house, beckoning me with its outrageous levels of gay radiation (gaydiation) every time i walk passssttt
OH HELLO THER
it's been hot.
i've been watching nothing but MTV Jams, VH1 Soul, WEEEEEEEDS, and animal cop shows on animal planet and mythbusters and the colberrrrrt reporrrrrrt and lost season 3
and
i got my wisdom teeth out
that was fun
slash
painful
but not so painful at first because i had vicodin
this is what I have listened to all summer:
R Kelly Duet with Usher
R Kelly Duet with Usher
R Kelly Duet with Usher
R Kelly Duet with Usher
R Kelly ft. T.I. and T-Pain - I'm a Flirt
UGK - Swishas and Dosha
UGK - Life is 2009 (feat. Too $hort)
Lil Wayne - Upgrade
Lil Wayne - We Takin Over Freestyle
Lloyd - Get it Shawty
Fat Pat - Tops Drop
T.I. - You Know What it Is
T.I. - Rubberband Man
Kafani ft. Keak da Sneak - Fast (Like Nascar)
I mean seriously someone give me a reason to listen to anything other than hip hop top forty right now because then I will. but wtf what else is there i ask you WHAT
ELSE
IS THERE
besides
Keisha Cole ft. Missy Elliott - Let it Go
okay fine here
Fujiya & Miyagi - In One Ear & Out the Other (funky hipsterfresh)
Patrick Cleandenim - Baby Comes Home (sexy orchestral jazz 'n vampires)
mychemicalromanceteenagers
Franz Ferdinand - All My Friends (LCD Soundsystem cover)
Movies I swww:
- harry potter and the sexy wizarding battles and the sexxxxxxxxy Sirius Black and the gratuitous Sirius/Harry vibes
- TRAAAAAAAANSSSSFORMARRRRSSSS
- the bourne retardation
- knocked up (twice)
Movie previews that make me sexually aroused as I haven't been since Red Eye:
- Eastern Promises. skljhfkjdshfkjsdhfjkdhs
books.harry potter and the motherfucking sex
i worked at Suncoast Motion Picture Company aka th DVD store in the mall and now i can tell you cool facts about the kind of movies people who spend all their time at the springfield and granite run malls buy (just Shooter and Ghost Rider. That's it. And 300).
and i can tell you every kind of bleach, fullmetal faggot and naruto merchandise there is out there. and i can get you 30% off. and i wear khakis. and i've seen motherfucking gay ass star wars episodes I and II more times than I ever wanted to, ever, thanks to one of the gay ass assistant managers at springfield. But i also watched Robin Hood and glued quarters to the ground outside the store with one of the cool ass assistant managers at granite run. and i also
rekindled
my narutardation,
fools
so what
WHAT
anyway
WHAT
WHAT
love haley