this hurts me more than i can stand to day in just one sitting...
ok.....so i havent bothered to look at this in forever, but for some reason the day before valentines day i got the urge to.
ive been reading thru old posts all night, and am disappointed that after all this time, not much about my circumstances has changed...
still living with my parents, not in school, single, crushing on people with no hope of anything coming from it, no expectation to move out anytime soon, for I have nothing real saved up, still at my dead end job.
maybe its just because its the day before vd (well i guess now it IS vd) but i am completely and utterly depressed about the direction my life seems to be going. i keep trying to be optimistic, to hope for the best, to think things WILL get better...but, they just never do. the money never comes through, the boy never arrives/works out, moving out just never happens. its so frustrating, so overwhelming.
i feel like im drowning, beingn held just below the surface of the water. able to see what's above, whats just above the water. I can see myself escaping the depths, making it out, good as new, better than before, but unable to actually pull myself out. Instead i just keep getting pulled down further and further, getting farther away from escaping.
sigh.
i should probably be getting to bed, lucky me gets to work tomorrow...first vd ive had to work in like 5 years. how in the world i forgot to request it off is beside me. i am absolutely dreading going in :/ as if beingn alone on valentines day isnt bad enough, i get to to to where all the happy couples flock to with their flowers and chocolates and Teddy bears. just shoot me please :[
Ugggh...this is quite frustrating trying to update on oliver...but I will attempt to post more often. After reading thru old posts I fear im not as entertaining or amusing as I used to be...but we will see. It is good for me to rant and rave and vent on here I think.
ive been reading thru old posts all night, and am disappointed that after all this time, not much about my circumstances has changed...
still living with my parents, not in school, single, crushing on people with no hope of anything coming from it, no expectation to move out anytime soon, for I have nothing real saved up, still at my dead end job.
maybe its just because its the day before vd (well i guess now it IS vd) but i am completely and utterly depressed about the direction my life seems to be going. i keep trying to be optimistic, to hope for the best, to think things WILL get better...but, they just never do. the money never comes through, the boy never arrives/works out, moving out just never happens. its so frustrating, so overwhelming.
i feel like im drowning, beingn held just below the surface of the water. able to see what's above, whats just above the water. I can see myself escaping the depths, making it out, good as new, better than before, but unable to actually pull myself out. Instead i just keep getting pulled down further and further, getting farther away from escaping.
sigh.
i should probably be getting to bed, lucky me gets to work tomorrow...first vd ive had to work in like 5 years. how in the world i forgot to request it off is beside me. i am absolutely dreading going in :/ as if beingn alone on valentines day isnt bad enough, i get to to to where all the happy couples flock to with their flowers and chocolates and Teddy bears. just shoot me please :[
Ugggh...this is quite frustrating trying to update on oliver...but I will attempt to post more often. After reading thru old posts I fear im not as entertaining or amusing as I used to be...but we will see. It is good for me to rant and rave and vent on here I think.