my hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me...so wont youkill me...so i die happy
so damn reading too much into things people do when theyre drunk.
it doesnt mean anything, it just means they are nicer when theyre drunk and more affectionate and all that shit. :/ it sucks.
but i dont think it was him i liked...i think it was being liked and being treated like that. someone to play with my hair, lightly stroke the side of my face and my arms, put his arm around my stomach while im laying with my head on his lap, and pull me closer. then lay with his head an inch from my face, and give me a kiss or two. god i want that for real. i want someone to give me that, for me to have that feeling of wanting to lie like that forever.
i was so happy friday night, and it wasnt because oooh the guy i like did all this, it was because AAAAA guy did this. which is sad, i shouldnt confuse these two things. it gets me all worked up and sad and depressed and jealous and all that, and its ridiculous for me to be overwhelmed with all these feelings when i dont even really like the guy i think, i mean, were friends and i LOVE spending time and talking with him, but i dont really think i like him...like that, ya know??
maybe im just trying to talk myself out of all ofthis cuz A. hes bad for me B. i dont think he liked me like that C. i dont know if i like him like that D.DELETED NUMBER D E. i think well always be caught in 'the friends zone' like i always do and it would be 'weird' if anything happend,
i dont know what is wrong with me, why do i always seem to like/fall for guys that are bad for me. guys i can never have. guys that will hurt me. guys that like someone else.
god im pathetic...
but i dont know, i just....im sick of being alone. i want to find someone already. i mean why is it everyone else can find someone to date, and everyone else has had a boyfriend/girlfriend before. and everyone else has kissed more than 2 people (oh ya, im cool. i made out with some random dude in a club in rocky point while i was drunk off my ass. i dont know his name or anything about him, we didnt talk. we were grindiung on each other, i turn around so were facing each other then there we are making out for like 3 min. ya im cool. oh and then one of my drunk friends kisses me last weekend, gosh im doing good. what is with the trend of one or both of us being drunk when i get kissed? why cant i just be normal for once?)
god anyways...im completely depressed now, this was all brought on by a torn photo that i had sort of forgotten about in my wallet and then sitting on the couch tonight with the guy i kissed last friday and him being somewhat intoxicated again and being nice once again.....god what the hell. can i just have a normal boyfriend. a guy that likes me. that asks me out. that i date. that is actually a nice, decent guy that will treat me well and be sweet and nice to me. its not really that much to ask for,....is it??? ugh
anyways, night all.
maybe tomorrow will be better
:] at least i dont work. wooo
it doesnt mean anything, it just means they are nicer when theyre drunk and more affectionate and all that shit. :/ it sucks.
but i dont think it was him i liked...i think it was being liked and being treated like that. someone to play with my hair, lightly stroke the side of my face and my arms, put his arm around my stomach while im laying with my head on his lap, and pull me closer. then lay with his head an inch from my face, and give me a kiss or two. god i want that for real. i want someone to give me that, for me to have that feeling of wanting to lie like that forever.
i was so happy friday night, and it wasnt because oooh the guy i like did all this, it was because AAAAA guy did this. which is sad, i shouldnt confuse these two things. it gets me all worked up and sad and depressed and jealous and all that, and its ridiculous for me to be overwhelmed with all these feelings when i dont even really like the guy i think, i mean, were friends and i LOVE spending time and talking with him, but i dont really think i like him...like that, ya know??
maybe im just trying to talk myself out of all ofthis cuz A. hes bad for me B. i dont think he liked me like that C. i dont know if i like him like that D.DELETED NUMBER D E. i think well always be caught in 'the friends zone' like i always do and it would be 'weird' if anything happend,
i dont know what is wrong with me, why do i always seem to like/fall for guys that are bad for me. guys i can never have. guys that will hurt me. guys that like someone else.
god im pathetic...
but i dont know, i just....im sick of being alone. i want to find someone already. i mean why is it everyone else can find someone to date, and everyone else has had a boyfriend/girlfriend before. and everyone else has kissed more than 2 people (oh ya, im cool. i made out with some random dude in a club in rocky point while i was drunk off my ass. i dont know his name or anything about him, we didnt talk. we were grindiung on each other, i turn around so were facing each other then there we are making out for like 3 min. ya im cool. oh and then one of my drunk friends kisses me last weekend, gosh im doing good. what is with the trend of one or both of us being drunk when i get kissed? why cant i just be normal for once?)
god anyways...im completely depressed now, this was all brought on by a torn photo that i had sort of forgotten about in my wallet and then sitting on the couch tonight with the guy i kissed last friday and him being somewhat intoxicated again and being nice once again.....god what the hell. can i just have a normal boyfriend. a guy that likes me. that asks me out. that i date. that is actually a nice, decent guy that will treat me well and be sweet and nice to me. its not really that much to ask for,....is it??? ugh
anyways, night all.
maybe tomorrow will be better
:] at least i dont work. wooo