Struggling to maintain (my jihad)
Having discipline according to the online dictionary.com meant "Training expected to produce a specific character or pattern of behavior, especially training that produces moral or mental improvement."
I completely agree with the that definition; however, in order to have discipline, you need to be consistent with that behavior. The ironic thing is that discipline also means to be punished. If you break that behavioral pattern, sometimes you may be punished for it, be it from your yourself, your parents, boss, or by Allah(swt). I wouldv've thought that being disciplined would've implied that you were consistent with disciplining yourself. I guess not.
I know some really amazing people that are very good at disciplining themselves. For example, Umair is amazing at being disciplined at working out and eating healthy mashAllah. Kazem is very disciplined in almost every way MashAllah...reading Quran, school work, etc. Disciplining oneself is actually rooted deeply in Islam. You must keep up with your daily five prayers, follow the Sharia, and of course maintain proper adab when dealing with ones parents.
Ramadan actually is a very good month to train yourself to be disciplined. In this month, your supposed to concentrate on worshiping ALLAH (swt) and doing just enough worldy work to get by and dedicating the rest of your time to Allah(swt).
This brings me to the reason I started my rambling tonight...brothers and sisters, I've maintained a relatively simple and consistent life. Consistently disappointing, consistently failing, consistently sinning. Alhumdullilah, I've also been consistently repenting. However, repenting also requires that you will not ever return to the previous sin (to the best of your abilities).
In order to get away from sinning, I've been told to get myself out and away from the environment that lead me to the sin in the first place. Easier said than done.
What's funny is that I had previously ripped myself away (forcefully) from something similar before. I maintained it for a while only to be tested with a similar situation. I thank those who pointed it out to me (Alhumdullilah, I do have some people in my life that make sure I don't stray too far from the path before reminding me). I used to have Baji around to point things out to me early so I could make sure it never actually became an issue. This is one of the biggest reasons I miss her. My Baji, my teacher, my friend, my disciplinarian, my gaurdian angel. I do miss her and no she doesn't call nearly enough to check up on me.
InshAllah may she and all of those who help me through this journey be blessed with guidance and protection from shaytan and may Allah(swt) grant them all their duas and give them the most amazing mansions and sweetest godiva chocolate in Jannah.
The problem actually is that I'm an older sibling too. And I haven't been doing a good job of being a role model for my younger brother. I remember Baji would go out of her way to help me finish projects, give me tips about classes, advice about friends, etc. She was the perfect role model. Of course, like anyone, she had flaws. But I don't know anyone that was able to overcome them quite like she did. She was still able to keep my parents pleased, do well in school, and still have time to be a good Muslimah mashAllah!
I haven't been able to do any of that, mostly because I've been too absorbed with my struggles. Excuses aside though, there's no one else to blame except me if my brother struggles more than I did. I'm supposed to make it easier for him and my parents. But I haven't done any of that well. I hope now to change all of that. I hope its not too late. I can still overcome. I can still bring my team back into the game. I can still change to be the good older bhaiya that Faiz needs and deserves. I can still be the good, dependable son that my parents need and MORE THAN deserve. InshAllah I hope its not too late. May Allah (swt) help me and guide us because without HIM (swt), we'd be lost in a sea of darkness. May Allah swt grant us success with our strugges in this life and grant us success in the next life. May Allah(swt) be pleased with all our efforts.
So I sign off on a note of hope and optimism. I've heard its never too late to change. But I've also heard that "a man that waits til the 12 hour to change, dies in the 11th hour." InshAllah, I guess I just pray to be forgiven if I do not live to change today.
I completely agree with the that definition; however, in order to have discipline, you need to be consistent with that behavior. The ironic thing is that discipline also means to be punished. If you break that behavioral pattern, sometimes you may be punished for it, be it from your yourself, your parents, boss, or by Allah(swt). I wouldv've thought that being disciplined would've implied that you were consistent with disciplining yourself. I guess not.
I know some really amazing people that are very good at disciplining themselves. For example, Umair is amazing at being disciplined at working out and eating healthy mashAllah. Kazem is very disciplined in almost every way MashAllah...reading Quran, school work, etc. Disciplining oneself is actually rooted deeply in Islam. You must keep up with your daily five prayers, follow the Sharia, and of course maintain proper adab when dealing with ones parents.
Ramadan actually is a very good month to train yourself to be disciplined. In this month, your supposed to concentrate on worshiping ALLAH (swt) and doing just enough worldy work to get by and dedicating the rest of your time to Allah(swt).
This brings me to the reason I started my rambling tonight...brothers and sisters, I've maintained a relatively simple and consistent life. Consistently disappointing, consistently failing, consistently sinning. Alhumdullilah, I've also been consistently repenting. However, repenting also requires that you will not ever return to the previous sin (to the best of your abilities).
In order to get away from sinning, I've been told to get myself out and away from the environment that lead me to the sin in the first place. Easier said than done.
What's funny is that I had previously ripped myself away (forcefully) from something similar before. I maintained it for a while only to be tested with a similar situation. I thank those who pointed it out to me (Alhumdullilah, I do have some people in my life that make sure I don't stray too far from the path before reminding me). I used to have Baji around to point things out to me early so I could make sure it never actually became an issue. This is one of the biggest reasons I miss her. My Baji, my teacher, my friend, my disciplinarian, my gaurdian angel. I do miss her and no she doesn't call nearly enough to check up on me.
InshAllah may she and all of those who help me through this journey be blessed with guidance and protection from shaytan and may Allah(swt) grant them all their duas and give them the most amazing mansions and sweetest godiva chocolate in Jannah.
The problem actually is that I'm an older sibling too. And I haven't been doing a good job of being a role model for my younger brother. I remember Baji would go out of her way to help me finish projects, give me tips about classes, advice about friends, etc. She was the perfect role model. Of course, like anyone, she had flaws. But I don't know anyone that was able to overcome them quite like she did. She was still able to keep my parents pleased, do well in school, and still have time to be a good Muslimah mashAllah!
I haven't been able to do any of that, mostly because I've been too absorbed with my struggles. Excuses aside though, there's no one else to blame except me if my brother struggles more than I did. I'm supposed to make it easier for him and my parents. But I haven't done any of that well. I hope now to change all of that. I hope its not too late. I can still overcome. I can still bring my team back into the game. I can still change to be the good older bhaiya that Faiz needs and deserves. I can still be the good, dependable son that my parents need and MORE THAN deserve. InshAllah I hope its not too late. May Allah (swt) help me and guide us because without HIM (swt), we'd be lost in a sea of darkness. May Allah swt grant us success with our strugges in this life and grant us success in the next life. May Allah(swt) be pleased with all our efforts.
So I sign off on a note of hope and optimism. I've heard its never too late to change. But I've also heard that "a man that waits til the 12 hour to change, dies in the 11th hour." InshAllah, I guess I just pray to be forgiven if I do not live to change today.