Happy effing Christmas
So, Im not sure if I've ever mentioned it before but I HATE Christmas. The entirety of it. The lights, the decorations, the festive holiday songs. Quite frankly, they can all go eff themselves. Its all false, all contrived. Once upon a time it was a time of merriment and joy but that was back before I knew better. Back when winter still held all the appeal of a child anticipating a snow day. The way I figure it, if I've managed to outgrow snowdays I've also managed to outgrow Christmas. Yet every year there seems to be some reason to fake the fesitives. Last year it was because dad was depressed and it made him happy to see us as a smiling 'family.' This year its for the sake of the nephews. Year after year after year, I put on a smile and step out in the dirty snowscape and convince my family that I am joyous to share in their joy. Im not. Only my mother knows the truth and thats only because she shares it.
Christmas in my family is an invitation to all out war. I might as well start taking bets as to who will start the family tradition of fighting this year. I'd hedge my bet that it'll be my sister with her egotistical, self asorbed doucheholery. But, thats just a guess. Im finding it much harder this year then in previous years to find any joy in this season. Maybe its the cold seeping in my bones or the dreary months that still have to drag by before the first hint of true sunshine will be seen in the tri-cities area. Whatever it is, I wish it were January already. There, hidden among the other atrocities, is a bright spark that illuminutes a promised period of happiness. One I cannot wait for.
I have the strangest urge to yell "BAH HUMBUG" but I won't. I will find it in myself to smile and wish passerbyers a "Wonderful Holiday Season" whatever their beliefs may be. This aching bitterness will dissipate soon enough and wrapping paper will litter the floors while Carter, Kollin and Caeden scream in glee and run around like little heathens. In those moments, I'll be reminded of the holiday spirit I've been so lacking but in so many ways already I've celebrated my christmas already. The day itself will just be an excuse, perhaps more of a forced visitation, to see family. I could take it or leave it to be honest. Seeing Aja so early in the morning does nothing for my already wrought nerves and I reluctantly promised my mother I wouldn't punch my sister in the face. Couldn't she just let me and call it my present? Apparently not. So, Im on my best behavior for the next 6 days except for these occasional rants here where she can't see them. ^_^
And can I say its FUCKING COLD. Im shivering. G-D DAMN IT. I wish someone would turn the effing heat on. (except the heat is on, Im just freezing)
This rant aside, I do hope everyone has a WONDERFUL HOLIDAY SEASON. You'll all be in my thoughts. Merry Yule. Merry Christmas. Happy Hanukkah (for those who celebrate) and any other fesitivies I failed to mention! <3
Christmas in my family is an invitation to all out war. I might as well start taking bets as to who will start the family tradition of fighting this year. I'd hedge my bet that it'll be my sister with her egotistical, self asorbed doucheholery. But, thats just a guess. Im finding it much harder this year then in previous years to find any joy in this season. Maybe its the cold seeping in my bones or the dreary months that still have to drag by before the first hint of true sunshine will be seen in the tri-cities area. Whatever it is, I wish it were January already. There, hidden among the other atrocities, is a bright spark that illuminutes a promised period of happiness. One I cannot wait for.
I have the strangest urge to yell "BAH HUMBUG" but I won't. I will find it in myself to smile and wish passerbyers a "Wonderful Holiday Season" whatever their beliefs may be. This aching bitterness will dissipate soon enough and wrapping paper will litter the floors while Carter, Kollin and Caeden scream in glee and run around like little heathens. In those moments, I'll be reminded of the holiday spirit I've been so lacking but in so many ways already I've celebrated my christmas already. The day itself will just be an excuse, perhaps more of a forced visitation, to see family. I could take it or leave it to be honest. Seeing Aja so early in the morning does nothing for my already wrought nerves and I reluctantly promised my mother I wouldn't punch my sister in the face. Couldn't she just let me and call it my present? Apparently not. So, Im on my best behavior for the next 6 days except for these occasional rants here where she can't see them. ^_^
And can I say its FUCKING COLD. Im shivering. G-D DAMN IT. I wish someone would turn the effing heat on. (except the heat is on, Im just freezing)
This rant aside, I do hope everyone has a WONDERFUL HOLIDAY SEASON. You'll all be in my thoughts. Merry Yule. Merry Christmas. Happy Hanukkah (for those who celebrate) and any other fesitivies I failed to mention! <3