(no subject)
Life seems to be getting in the way of itself lately. Sleep is hard to come by and when it does come I find myself waking up from tangled nightmares, fragments lingering long after the dream has faded away. Its confusing and it makes me not want to fall asleep for fear of what I'll see when my eyelids close. Not the nicest of feelings, to fear what you're body craves. Its not something I'm used to but perhaps its not insomnia that keeps me awake but my own feelings of insecurity. What an odd and unusual sensation. Right now I'm awake because I hurt. Bloody sunburn is blistering and my skin makes me feel like I'm baking from the inside out. It hurts to touch but there's a morbid fascination in the reaction touching the sensitive flesh induces. I'm such a screwed up individual. Pain reminds me I'm alive though when half of the time I feel like I'm just stumbling through; day to day. Each day's a struggle. At least that's what it feels like. I'm growing to hate my job more and more but no one is hiring so I'm shifting through the local classifieds on a daily basis searching for anything. At this point it doesn't even have to pay that well so long as it gets me away from the deli. So much drama there. Most days I don't even want to go. Just knowing I have to deal with everyone makes each shift look bleak and the few small breaks I do have in the monotony have to do with a particular douchebag. Not that things on that front are any better. We were doing good for awhile...now I'm not so sure. He confuses and infuriates me. Lately its been more of the latter then the former. Maybe thats due to my period followed by this particularly nasty sunburn but he's currently on my SHIT list. I know that I've been more then bitchy this last week but thats not an excuse. Seriously...all I wanted was to take boyface out for ice cream. Thats it. But no! Could he make it happen? He said he could...but a no show on Thursday. A no show on Friday. Im a little disappointed. I think thats what it is more then anything. I hate it when he disappoints me. I don't ask for much from him and when I do it always seems like this happens. There is a distinct possibility that i'm being overly sensitve though. But, I guess im going to try and sleep.
missing everyone. I feel so alone lately.
missing everyone. I feel so alone lately.