So what have I learned?
Common lore is that when you get your heart broken, one of the things you need to do is step back and figure out what you learned from the experience.
My boyfriend broke up with me yesterday for all the usual reasons -- he needs to settle issues from his past; it's not me, it's him -- in other words, all complete bullshit cliche cop-outs. After telling me he loves me, he tells me he needs a break. I've been numb. And when I've not been numb, I've felt like my guts have been torn out. Interesting that I've said cliche. It seems like everything I'm feeling now is right out of a Patsy Cline song. It's an age-old song, and I've just got to get used to it.
Since our first date, not a day has gone by when he and I haven't spoken, talked, seen each other, what have you. I felt like I met the man of my dreams, and I was ready to accept him for who he is -- everything. The financial problems, the personal habits, the everything. Suddenly, he is not prepared to do the same.
Do I regret it? No. As usual, I am surprised and delighted that I am able to love. And I was able to tell someone I loved him, and I meant it. Maybe it'll happen again. But as I get nearer and nearer to 40, the chances look slim.
So, what I've learned: I'm capable of loving.
I also recognized throughout our relationship that I was at times anxious, nervous and at times scared and unsure about his feelings toward me. I felt these feelings crowd out other aspects of my life. It couldn't have been healthy.
So, what I've learned: I cannot allow someone else to dictate every aspect of my life. I need to have the certainty that my life is good on its own. And it is. And, it's getting better. My life was on a great patch before Joe came along. It will be again.
I also need to talk about this. One thing I'm learning is that I can't deal with anything alone.
I am really hurting right now. And logically, I know that the pain will go away. And I know that as I process what happened, I'll be better, stronger and wiser. But now, I'm just hurting.
My boyfriend broke up with me yesterday for all the usual reasons -- he needs to settle issues from his past; it's not me, it's him -- in other words, all complete bullshit cliche cop-outs. After telling me he loves me, he tells me he needs a break. I've been numb. And when I've not been numb, I've felt like my guts have been torn out. Interesting that I've said cliche. It seems like everything I'm feeling now is right out of a Patsy Cline song. It's an age-old song, and I've just got to get used to it.
Since our first date, not a day has gone by when he and I haven't spoken, talked, seen each other, what have you. I felt like I met the man of my dreams, and I was ready to accept him for who he is -- everything. The financial problems, the personal habits, the everything. Suddenly, he is not prepared to do the same.
Do I regret it? No. As usual, I am surprised and delighted that I am able to love. And I was able to tell someone I loved him, and I meant it. Maybe it'll happen again. But as I get nearer and nearer to 40, the chances look slim.
So, what I've learned: I'm capable of loving.
I also recognized throughout our relationship that I was at times anxious, nervous and at times scared and unsure about his feelings toward me. I felt these feelings crowd out other aspects of my life. It couldn't have been healthy.
So, what I've learned: I cannot allow someone else to dictate every aspect of my life. I need to have the certainty that my life is good on its own. And it is. And, it's getting better. My life was on a great patch before Joe came along. It will be again.
I also need to talk about this. One thing I'm learning is that I can't deal with anything alone.
I am really hurting right now. And logically, I know that the pain will go away. And I know that as I process what happened, I'll be better, stronger and wiser. But now, I'm just hurting.